Friday, November 5, 2021

SATURDAY, NOVEMBER 6, 2021 SATURDAY STORY - CONTINUED FROM LAST WEEK

 SATURDAY, NOVEMBER 6, 2021 - SATURDAY STORY 





Last Saturday, I started a story about a young couple moving to a haunted house.  Let’s finish that story today.


Jon, his wife Vickie, and their two children, Annie (age 5) and Oliver (age 3) were moving to a house in Georgetown Texas.  Jon, with his doctorate in philosophy, religion, and history had a job at Southwestern University in Georgetown. 


They bought a house at 302 E. 15th Street for $100,000 under its listing price.  The house was sound so they wondered why it was so cheap.  Their children soon had a playmate in their upstairs playroom.  Annie and Oliver made a train out of moving boxes and this playmate took a bright orange box and put it at the end and called it a caboose.  Vickie wondered where they had learned that strange (and old) word.  Oliver said their friend in the playroom had used that word.


The children had other comments about their playmate, so one night Vickie just sat in the room waiting to meet this playmate that she thought might be a ghost.  


Her waiting was rewarded as the ghost came quietly into the room.


“I am Frank Smith.  The new library at Southwestern University was named after me.”  The ghost said that he had been killed 


The voice said, “Yes, and I am to remain here until I find who killed me”.


Oh my, a mystery thought Vickie to herself. 


Vickie asked, “When did you die, like in what year?”.  


The voice answered, “In 1935.  The college was having a tough time financially during the depression.  I was barely making enough to live.  My wife had left me and taken the kids back to Nashville.  I was poisoned by one of three people.  I need to find out who killed me.”


Vickie did the math in her head.  That was 86 years ago.  It would be almost impossible to find who did it.  


Vickie - always one to help the downtrodden - replied, “Mr. Smith, I would love to help you find your killer.”


*****

(New chapter starts here)


*****

Vickie tried to keep talking to the ghost, although the ghost wasn’t very talkative.


Vickie asked “So, who do you think poisoned you.  You mentioned three possible suspects.”


The ghost who had said his name was Frank answered.  “My wife could have poisoned me.  I had an insurance policy that named her as the beneficiary.  The associate dean could have poisoned me in order to get my position. And, the campus president could have killed me as I was a possible threat to replace him in the tough financial times.”


Vickie asked, “Can you give me the names of the people?”


Quietly Frank answered, “My wife was Stella Bauer.  Together we had two children, Roger Smith, and Elizabeth Smith.  She had left me and moved in with her family in Nashville Tennessee.  The associate dean was Orville Quaas, originally from Waco Texas.  The campus president was George Thomas from Rockdale, Texas.  He was a Methodist Minister with a Doctor of Divinity degree from Southern Methodist University in Dallas.”  


He continued, “Even though she was gone, my wife could have put some poison, maybe arsenic in my saltbox or some other poison in my other staples.”


(Vickie was trying to think how things would have been gotten in the 1930s with the depression.  There wasn’t an HEB on the corner or an Amazon.com that delivered to the door.)


“Orville Quaas and I butted heads frequently.  I also taught classic literature and Shakespeare and he thought he was a better scholar.  I know he was barely making enough to live on and if I was dead, he would get promoted and make a little more. “


“George Thomas was a pompous person who thought the sun rose and set upon him.  Although a minister and married, I knew he had an affair with a student.  I was the only one who know and he wanted me gone.”


They talked more.  Frank really liked Annie and Oliver.  He admitted he had done his best to get rid of some of the pompous asses that had bought the house before the Reisingers moved in.  


“It can be really easy to scare some people out.  I would open windows in the middle of the cold nights or close windows.  I slammed doors, made noises.  I would move things around.  The last guy was ready to move after a month.  He kept misplacing his car keys, or rather, I kept moving his car keys.  When he started coffee in the morning,, I would turn it off or unplug it.  He was mystified and then annoyed.”


Vickie could imagine the smile that Frank Smith got when he talked about the pranks he pulled.


He continued, “I knew these people wouldn’t help me get free, and it can be really boring to be alone in a house all day, so my little pranks gave me something to do.”


“I even broke up a marriage,” he added. “I would put the wife’s lipstick on his collar and shirts and on his face.  She accused him of being unfaithful, which he wasn’t, and she just couldn’t trust him anymore.”


Frank was almost laughing as he continued. ‘I’d call out to him in falsetto ‘David, I love you and miss you, ‘David, leave your wife and come away with me.  It was a riot.”


But, he got serious.  “Vickie, I’d like to move on - to get out of this house, to be at peace finally.  But, I need your help to find out who killed me.”


Vickie pledged her help.


*****

Vickie talked it over with Jon (who hadn’t met Frank Smith, the ghost).  She could follow most leads by internet searches and maybe a few phone calls.  


Jon thought it was a bit stupid to be doing work for a ghost, but he knew his wife would enjoy the challenge.


*****

Emma-Lee brought over her sons, Devon and Asher for their playdate on Tuesday afternoon.  Frank had agreed to be nice to the boys, but Vickie allowed him to have some fun.


Frank stayed invisible but moved toys around subtly.  Oliver had fun asking “Friend can we have the green garbage truck”, or “Friend, we’d like to play with the airplane.”


Devon was amazed to see the garbage truck appear, and the airplane flying through the air - like magic. (And, of course, it was kind of magic).


And, even Asher enjoyed some of Frank’s antics as toys appeared (and disappeared) from in front of him.


*****

When Emma-Lee showed up to pick up the boys, Devon said “Mrs. Reisinger, it’s been fun playing with Oliver today.  Can we come back again?”


Of course, Vickie said “Yes”. (and was imaging how the boy might talk to his mother on the way home).


*****

And, of course, Devon did tell his Mom about the flying airplane and how the other toys appeared and disappeared.  And Asher shared too.


Emma-Lee thought, what imaginations my children have!!!  The Reisinger’s are becoming great friends to us.


*****


Vickie was working on Google searches.


She found Stella Bauer Smith’s obituary in Nashville.  Although she died in 1978 at the age of 86, the Nashville Tennessean newspaper had digitized its old editions.  Most newspapers had put their editions out as microfiche and adapting them to the internet age was fairly straightforward (although it took a few years to get all the older papers online. At the time of her death, Roger Smith would have been fifty years old and Elizabeth Smith Watson would have been forty-seven.  


On Genelogy.Com she found Frank and Stella, then Roger and Elizabeth.  Roger had married Diana Schultz in 1940 in Nashville.  Roger went into the Navy for World War II. In 1947, Edna was born, and in 1949, Michael was born.  At this point (2021) Edna would be 74 and Michael would be 72.  They might be alive.  It was harder to follow Edna who had married Alex Forbes in 1969.  Alex had been in Vietnam and was killed.  Edna married Gary Dowling in 1975.  There weren’t any additional records for Edna and Gary.  Vickie thought there might be children but she didn’t know.


She went to work finding Michael Smith.  She anticipated a lot of Michael (or Mike) Smiths in the United States but she was still surprised to find about 300 Michael Smiths in the name search.  But when she searched for Michael Smith born in the Nashville Tennessee area, there were only twenty or so.  But, while Stella had moved to Nashville, and Roger and Elizabeth (Frank and Stella’s children) were born in Georgetown Texas, it was possible that the son of Roger and Diana could have been born somewhere else.  It took carefully reading and researching to narrow the list.  


Vickie was glad she had her master’s degree in Library Science and still had friends in the Nashville area that she could call on for help.  


From the 1980 Census, there was a Michael Smith at 32nd Avenue South who was 30 years old.  That fit her analysis.  Although Michael was born in 1949, the census is taken earlier in the year and thus he would be 30.  Accessing real estate records, the house on 32nd Avenue South was sold in 1992 by Michael R. Smith and Rachel (Young) Smith.  The ages were good.  Fortunately, the search on real estate records found that the Smiths stayed in Nashville moving to Bowling avenue. 


And, in 2012, the Smiths moved to an apartment building on Belle Meade Road, selling their property on Bowling avenue.  


Taking a chance, Vickie called the phone number she found and reached Rachel Smith.  She had decided to take a story that she was working with the Frank Smith library at Southwestern University to see if she could find any survivors of Frank Smith.   She thought that if she said she was helping a ghost to find his killer might not get any information.  


Vickie explained her mission to Rachel who listened carefully.  


Rachel explained that Michael was volunteering at a local food bank and would be back about 5:00 Central Time.  But, in the interaction, Rachel knew that Michael had been born in Georgetown Texas and that his father had been at a college there.  


*****


Vickie called Michael Smith about 5:20 p.m. 


Vickie greeted him, “Hi Michael.  I’m Vickie Reisinger and I’m working at the Frank Smith library at Southwestern University, which I think was named after your late grandfather.  Is this a good time to talk?”


Michael sounded excited.  “Yes, my grandfather was Frank Smith.  I didn’t know he had a library named after him.  I didn’t even know him, as my Grandmother Stella Smith had separated from him in the depression and moved to Nashville.  I retired from Lipscomb University five years ago as director of admissions.  I know my grandfather has been in academia, but I didn’t know much about him.  WOW - I’m glad to make the connection.”


He continued, “I think there were some money issues involved.  Grandma Smith didn’t say much, but since it was the depression and colleges and people were really strapped for funds, I think my Grandma and Grandpa Smith split and she came back to Nashville to live with her parents, my great-grandparents.  My parents grew up here as did my sister and myself.”


Vickie shared, “My husband became a professor at Southwestern University in Georgetown Texas but got his doctorate from Vanderbilt University and I got my masters in library science at Vanderbilt as well.”


Michael interrupted “It is a small world after all”.


Vickie continued, “From my research, and I’m just getting started on this, that your grandfather died in Georgetown of a sudden heart attack but part of his life insurance went into an endowment that was eventually used for the library.”


Michael said, “That seems about right.  From something, Grandma said when he died he left some funds for her, my Dad, Roger, and my aunt Elizabeth.”


They talked for about 15 minutes more, with Vickie promising to send any additional information to Michael.


*****

Hanging up, Vickie went to the playroom and sat nursing a cup of coffee waiting for the ghost of Frank Smith to appear.  She didn’t wait long.  She shared with the ghost about her chat with his grandson, Michael Smith.  Frank really enjoyed that information - and that his grandson was also involved in higher education.  


She gave the information that his life insurance was used to pay for Roger and Elizabeth’s education.  Frank was zooming in circles around the playroom.


Vickie said she would be checking the other two people out soon.


*****

Next, she started her research on Orville Quaas and George Thomas.  At least those names were going to be fairly unique as compared to Frank Smith.  


Vickie had met Nancy Frazer from Southwestern University’s Human Resources department and knew that Nancy wanted to hire her for a library position at Southwestern whenever a position opened up.


Again, she didn’t want to say she was researching the ghost of Frank Smith.  


She called Nancy on the pretext of getting information about Frank Smith and the history of the library.


Vickie asked, “How long was Frank Smith with the university and in what capacity?”


Nancy said “Good Question! I’ll get some information get back to you.”


Vickie continued, “I don’t know what Southwestern’s building naming policy is.  Some schools name buildings after long-term academics, others name buildings after successful graduates who live a big donation to the campus.  Do we know if Frank Smith left a donation to the campus?”


Nancy answered, “I think we have both.  The McCombs family gave us money for the student center.  Red McCombs is the biggest car dealer in Central Texas.  He also gave money for the School of Business and the Football Stadium at the University of Texas in Austin.  The Bamberg Science Center was named after Dean Troy Bamberg.  I’m guessing that the Bamberg estate also kicked in some money as well.”  


Nancy continued, “Give me a few days and I’ll see what I can find.”


Vickie didn’t quite know how to address the next issue but went for the direct approach. “I read that Orville Quaas was the associate dean under Frank Smith.  Did he become the dean after Frank Smith’s death? Did the campus mourn and celebrate the death of an active professor?”


She also asked “Who was President then?  Was he a friend of Frank Smith?”


Nancy laughed, “Okay, so I’m giving up my HR job for the next month to do research for you.  Yes, I’ll see what I can find.”


They talked a few minutes more before hanging up.


*****


With a lot of sleuthing, Vickie found George Thomas had become the President of Illinois Wesleyan University in Bloomington Illinois. 


Orville Quaas had moved to Corsicana Texas, about five years after Frank Smith died.


*****

Nancy Frazer was good at her research.  Yes, Orville Quaas had been a professor of Chemistry and then associate dean under Frank Smith.  And, yes, about five years after Frank Smith died, Orville Quaas moved to Corsicana and ran a Rexall Drug pharmacy there.


George Thomas stayed in academia and did go to Illinois Wesleyan University for the last years of his life as president and then president emeritus.


*****

Vickie worked up a theory.  Either Orville or George had killed Frank Smith, and then left town.  They had taken out life insurance on Frank Smith and lived high for a few years but at some point, God had worked on their hearts and they gave money for the Frank Smith library anonymous.


*****

That night she told the ghost of Frank Smith she was making progress.  He wanted to know more, but she was reluctant to say more.  She did say, “I think your wife was not the killer”.


He agreed with that, “I did love her”.


*****

Still working behind the scenes with Nancy Frazer, Vickie found that a large anonymous amount had been donated to the Frank Smith library.  Taking the dates and the two people she was looking at, she found that George Thomas died and donated money to Illinois Wesleyan University and to other charitable causes.  She also found that Orville Quaas sold his pharmacy for good money a year before the anonymous amount came into the Frank Smith library fund.  


Adding the information that Orville had a chemistry background and could create poisons, and some unscrupulous information about Orville’s dealings, she concluded he was the killer.  


On a whim, Vickie traced Orville Quaas’s family and found a grandson in Corsicana, and asked if his grandfather had left any notes or journals from his days at Southwestern University.  The grandson remembered a box of journals in the attic and gladly donated them to Vickie thinking they were going to be used for some memorial.  Instead, Vickie found some comments about being sorry for what had happened to him.  Tracing the money very carefully, she found that the big anonymous contribution for the Frank Smith library came from Orville Quaas.


*****

She presented her information to Frank Smith, who was at peace.  But, the ghost asked for permission to return and play with the children, and Vickie and Jon approved that condition.


********


Thus ends my Halloween ghost story about the haunted house in Georgetown Texas.


LOVE WINS!!!


Karen


Thursday, November 4, 2021

FRIDAY, NOVEMBER 5TH, 2021 LOVE WINS

 FRIDAY, NOVEMBER 5TH, 2021 LOVE WINS




On Friday, I get spiritual - generally following the theme of LOVE WINS.


Today, from 1 John 2:

Anyone who claims to be in the light but hates a brother or sister is still in the darkness. Anyone who loves their brother and sister lives in the light, and there is nothing in them to make them stumble.  But anyone who hates a brother or sister is in the darkness and walks around in the darkness. They do not know where they are going, because the darkness has blinded them.


*****

There is an old story of the newcomer to Heaven and St. Peter is showing them around - the streets paved with God, the fountains, the mansions, and absolute beauty.  They come upon an area that has a fence around it.  The newcomer asks St. Peter what that is for, and St. Peter answers “That is for the Baptists <or any group>.  They think they are the only ones in Heaven”.


Sometimes we make barriers.  “Oh, those are the Catholics, they think they are so good”, “Those are the Pentecostals, what a crazy group talking and praying in tongues”; “Those are the Methodists, they were baptized as children, that can’t be right”.


Can I love all brothers and sisters - regardless of some particular viewpoint that they have adopted?  The verses (above) suggest that if I hate a brother or sister then I am in darkness.  1 John 3:15 says it this way “ Anyone who hates a brother or sister is a murderer, and you know that no murderer has eternal life residing in him.”


Hate is equated with being a murderer!!!  (Ouch).


Thus, I am not allowed to hate.


*****

I am in a fairly unique position - some people hate me because I have become a woman.  I have been told that I’m going to hell by some well-meaning Christian friends. They probably don’t really “hate” me - they might actually ‘love’ me and by their reasoning have deduced that I am wrong and need to find the light and the truth again. 


History has a list of atrocities of hatred.  Northern Ireland pitted Protestants against Catholics.    Even within denominations, there are splits and sects.  


“There are many different types of Lutherans such as the WELS, the Evangelical Lutheran Church of America or ELCA, and the Missouri Synod. These types all follow the same ideas and have the same beliefs, the only differences are some synods are liberal and some are conservative.  The conservative groups take potshots at the liberal groups and vice versa.  


We like labels - put a label on a person and we know “ALL” about them.  Evangelicals are conservatives, Presbyterians are liberals.  The XYZ group does baptism wrong; the MNO group does communion wrong.  (And, since a group does something ‘wrong’, they are to be shunned and hated!!)


But, we get around the hate issue by saying we love the person but hate their belief system.  From the verse above“Anyone who claims to be in the light but hates a brother or sister is still in the darkness”.  I don’t hate the liberal or conservative Christians, I love them, but their theology is wrong.  


[Aside - this is also (in my opinion) true in politics.  In my part-time work, one of the persons I visit watches a particular “news” channel that continually endorses a viewpoint and abhors any viewpoints that are different  This person that I see on my work schedule seems to agree with the viewpoint and thus seems to be loving his views and hating the other views.)


I started the week with a story of how two people were looking at a painting and had very different views. How can we agree to disagree and still love one another?  


I remember singing 1 John 4:7-8:

“Beloved, let us love one another, one another. For love is of God. and everyone who loves is born of God and knows God. He who loveth not, knoweth not God, For God is love. Beloved let us love one another. First John Four Seven and Eight!


(Video of that verse: 1 John 4:7-8 Beloved Let Us Love One Another - Psalty lyric video - YouTube) 


Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.  (1 Corinthians 13:4-6)


******

So, can we really LOVE?  Can we really put differences, ideologies, and viewpoints off and embrace each other. 


(Note - I am still working on this!!!)


LOVE DOES WIN!!!  LOVE, NOT HATE


Karen



Wednesday, November 3, 2021

THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 4, 2021 LESSONS FROM GERMAN CLASS (again)

 THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 4, 2021 LESSONS FROM GERMAN CLASS (again)





THE GREAT ESCAPE


Since late September (so about six weeks), I’ve been working part-time at a senior independent living facility.  It is a very nice place.  It seems that most (all?) of the residents I serve are in their 90’s (with the possible exception of EB who is 100!!).  B is 98; G is 95, N is 90, Mi is 95, etc.


As an independent living facility - it is close to an assisted living facility (without quite being one).  There is a great cafeteria where residents can eat delicious meals three times a day.  From my parent’s experience, the cooking factor was one of the determinants to move out of their own apartment into a group housing facility. My mother had vision problems, my father only cooked on backyard grills and microwaved meals get a little tiresome after a while!!!


This facility is independent living. Residents can come and go.  There is a nice exercise trail that circles the property (I’ve taken it a few times and seen a doe and two fawns).  They had also kinds of events, movies, cards, billiards, putting golf greens, bean-bag toss, exercise, speakers, lady’s club, religious services, singing, (no band - maybe I’ll need to start one!!!), two very large libraries, and even poker (I don’t know if they play for money or not).  


The cafeterias (there are two buildings joined by a walkway) have excellent meals (I generally eat differ with G (who is 95).  On nice afternoons, some sit outside getting some sun or taking walks.


Many of the residents use walkers to keep from falling.  (Hmm, maybe they could have walker relay races!!).  Some people have cars, there are also facility buses that will take residents to events and shopping.  


*****


The “Great Escape” lesson from my Duolingo German app describes a lady who comes to visit her father - and she can’t find him at the facility.  The lady looks in the library, the game room, the cafeteria, and doesn’t find her dad.  She asks his friends - who laugh and suggest that Dietrich has “escaped”.  (The “Great Escape” translates as “Die Grosse Flucht” in German)


Now, some senior facilities do very carefully monitor their residents and don’t let them leave.  In particular, seniors with dementia should be kept in secure facilities.  I know of a lady who would take a walk and get lost and that caused consternation in the facility and in her family.


In the German story, Dietrich is in a secure housing facility but doesn’t seem to have dementia. He is described as an athletic “neunundachtzigjähriger” (eighty-nine years old) man.  The residents have a garden and in that garden, Dietrich finds he can climb over the fence.  He has been talking about it quietly with his buddies at the facility.  


On the day, the daughter (Bianca) comes to visit, she can’t find him anywhere.  When she asks his friends in the coffee room, they laugh that he may have tried the ‘Great Escape’. “Grosse Flucht”  


Bianca climbs over the fence and follows the sidewalk to a business district, where she finds her father in an ice cream shop (with chocolate ice cream and chocolate sprinkles).  He is in good spirits ‘having escaped’ for a little while.  Bianca enjoys an ice cream cone with her father


*****

I guess I liked the lesson (maybe since I’m working with some super seniors now, and maybe because I am a senior.


I like the idea of having “an adventure” - getting outside our comfort zone.  Sure the residents at my work environment have “free will”, they can sit in their apartments and watch television, or get out and be part of the groups and activities.  


But, I’m guessing some have almost forgotten that they are free to get outside, free to take walks, free to go to the putting green, free to go to the knitting group.  


Inertia has set in, and as a result, they miss out on adventures like the one in the story.  Their comfort zones just sag in and they settle into a long, downhill rut.


I do know that the staff (and especially the recreation director) do try to get them doing some activities, but the motivation to try new things can be hard for somebody in their nineties.  


To me, the “Grosse Flucht” (Great Escape) story in my online Duolingo German activities says that Bianca’s dad still has the motivation, to get out - even if only to walk to the ice cream shop for a chocolate cone with chocolate sprinkles.  The facilities are different between the story and my work environment, but the aging process is the same.  We can start to shut down as we age.  


And, I am reflecting - will I be playing tuba into my eighties (or nineties?); will be playing bridge, will I be walking as much, will I still be writing this daily blog, will I be playing granny basketball?  Or, will I let life go past and let television be my “best buddy”.  (Many of you know I don’t have a television set intentionally).


I like Warren Buffet - at age 91 - aging and active.  (Not knowing him personally, my guess is that he does delegate more things to others, and doesn’t work as hard as he did at a younger age - but that he does keep active!!!)


Or will I be like BM at the retirement center - just waiting and actively praying for God to take her?


*****

So, maybe I (and maybe all of us) need to make a “Grosse Flucht” (great escape) occasionally.  Maybe we still need to expand our comfort zone!!  (More next week).


LOVE WINS!!!


Karen



Tuesday, November 2, 2021

WEDNESDAY, NOVEMBER 3, 2021 TALES FROM GERMAN II

 WEDNESDAY, NOVEMBER 3, 2021 TALES FROM GERMAN II




I still am doing German language lessons on Duolingo.  I like the stories as they have some little life message.  Yesterday, it was two people looking at the same picture and having different viewpoints - and being able to disagree without being disagreeable.


Today’s lesson is “treasure”


Eduard has a map directing the reader to a treasure chest left by his great-grandfather.  “Um den verstecken Schatz zu finden, hat Eduard seine Frau und Kinder verlassen.” - which translates as” In order to find the hidden treasure, Eduard has left his wife and children.”.


Eduard has forsaken his family to find the treasure.  His focus is only on the riches he will have.  He isn’t listening to this wife and children, but going off on his own.


The great-grandfather’s note says “„seinem größten Schatz“ - His biggest treasure.


*****

I’m sure Eduard has visions of gold, silver, jewelry.  But, the great-grandfather has left a note:

“Ich hinterlasse dir dieses Stück Weisheit: Dies ist mein größter Schatz: meine Familie.”.  The English version is: “I leave you this piece of wisdom: This is my greatest treasure: my family.”


*****

So, Eduard has intentionally left his family in order to find his great-grandfather’s treasure.  He has been obsessed with this treasure - so focused on it that all else has died away.  


But, his great-grandfather says “My family is my greatest treasure”.


*****

There is an expression - ‘on a person’s death bed, nobody ever says I wish I would have spent more time at work’. Most say something like I wish I could have spent more time with my family, more time doing things I love.


What is your treasure?  


*****

“The Cats in the Cradle” song by Harry Chapin describes a day who is too busy to play catch with his son, too busy running around for his work.


“My child arrived just the other day

He came to the world in the usual way

But there were planes to catch, and bills to pay

He learned to walk while I was away

And he was talkin' 'fore I knew it

And as he grew, he'd say

"I'm gonna be like you, Dad

You know I'm gonna be like you"


*****

As the dad retires, he wants to build a relationship with his son.  The last stanza says:


I've long since retired, my son's moved away

I called him up just the other day

I said, "I'd like to see you if you don't mind"

He said, "I'd love to, Dad, if I could find the time"

"You see, my new job's a hassle and the kid's got the flu"

"But it's sure nice talkin' to you, Dad

It's been sure nice talkin' to you"


And as I hung up the phone, it occurred to me

He'd grown up just like me

My boy was just like me


*****


Yes, what is YOUR treasure? 


LOVE WINS!!!


Karen


Monday, November 1, 2021

TUESDAY, NOVEMBER 2, 2021 - TIPS ON HOW TO DISAGREE WITHOUT BEING DISAGREEABLE.

 TUESDAY, NOVEMBER 2, 2021 - TIPS ON HOW TO DISAGREE WITHOUT BEING DISAGREEABLE.




Yesterday I told a story from my Duolingo German lessons about two people who were disagreeing about a painting. Yes, it probably wasn’t the hottest issue in their life, but they weren’t agreeing.


So, if you and another person don’t agree on a particular topic (and there are many - politics, religion, abortion, global warming, COVID masks, and vaccinations.)


*****

POINT 1 IS TO BE OPEN-MINDED.   


Approximately 50% of the population voted for Joe Biden and 50% voted for Donald Trump in the last election - one full year ago - and the bickering and fighting still continues.


The source I’m using today says:

“If you’re going to have a discussion where there are opposing views, make a concerted effort to put your opinion and judgment aside. I know that’s hard but it’s the only way you can be fair to the person you’re engaging in discussion with and the only way to fairly assess the topic. People often rush into a discussion with different points of view and beliefs ready to counter anything that’s said that’s opposed to their point of view and opinion. If there’s no room for change in your thinking, then what’s the point of having a discussion at all?


If your mind is already made up - then don’t go into a discussion - you already KNOW IT ALL.  


The older I get the more I realize that I need to be open to others (if you will - to LOVE others).  If I want to be in a discussion just to fling mud in somebody else’s face, then, I don’t really need to be in the discussion at all. 


*****

POINT 2 LISTEN

If you really want to be able to disagree without being disagreeable, you need to be open and honestly listen to the other person (without judgment).  Listen carefully.   Listening is an art.


It wasn’t until I got humbled that I could HEAR others.  I could hear people talking about their non-traditional love. I have talked with more lesbians than gay men, but I hear of the love and sharing that two females can have.  I hear some women say their husbands didn’t really want to listen to them - but that their female partners do listen to them.  


In the political world (watch out - an opinion is coming), it seems like the last election had undertones of the status quo (sometimes even as “privileged white people”) against the upstarts (blacks, Hispanics, minorities, Gays, Lesbians, Transgender.  People weren’t listening.


*****

POINT 3 KEEP TO THE FACTS


My source suggests: “Sometimes people just want to be right and they’ll fight to the finish in a discussion in order to prove that they’re right. When you keep to the facts, your argument is logical and straightforward. The facts alone should keep a discussion lively and honest.”


An argument I heard the other day was that the current President wasn’t doing enough to keep gas prices low, wasn’t doing enough on computer chips and supply chain issues.  I have not walked a mile in the previous President’s shoes or the current President’s shoes - but I doubt that either of them has worked in oil fields, or made computer chips, or worked on a ship that brought goods to the United States.  There are (maybe) some actions they can do to improve the situation, but (to me) the reality is that no one person can really control gas prices, computer chips, or supply chains.  


I heard a commentator say “the President did nothing today”.  Without really knowing, I assume the President was briefed on many situations, spent hours trying to understand issues, and got input from others.  If I was President what options might I have to control gas prices?  


I’m thinking of King Canute - who supposedly put this throne on the beach and commanded the tide not to rise.  A source said, “Kanute wanted to show those around him that the King was not divine.  After failing to hold back the tide, King Canute removed his crown, hung it from a crucifix, and never wore it again in honor of Almighty God.”


In terms of facts, there are very good fact-finding sources available. To me, it seems at times we are talking “apples and oranges”.  “The Yankees and Cardinals are the best teams in major league baseball - that might be true in the long run, but this year, the Braves and Astros are in the World Series. (And you can even debate “best” - best in winning, best in profitability, or best in fan analysis?


*****

POINT 4 KEEP EMOTIONS OUT OF IT

There are times when we really can’t be neutral.  I’m thinking of the people on the abortion question.  There are those who adamantly declare that abortion is immoral and must be stopped, and there are those who say shouldn’t women get to choose to keep or abort the child.  So the discussion gets muddied and becomes an excuse for people to harshly judge, criticize, demean, and be verbally abusive. If you move into personal territory, you’ve gone too far.


*****

POINT 5 KNOW WHEN TO GET OUT

If you are in a discussion that has become a fight, get out.  Take the high road - say “I don’t think we can agree on this, so please excuse me”.  


*****

I’m a lover, not a fighter.  If I hear augmenting, I will turn my back and leave.


Can we really love one another?  I think so.  I go so far as to say that “LOVE WINS”, and Love Covers a Multitude of Sins”. (1 Peter 4:8)


LOVE WINS!!!


Karen