TUESDAY, NOVEMBER 2, 2021 - TIPS ON HOW TO DISAGREE WITHOUT BEING DISAGREEABLE.

 TUESDAY, NOVEMBER 2, 2021 - TIPS ON HOW TO DISAGREE WITHOUT BEING DISAGREEABLE.

Yesterday I told a story from my Duolingo German lessons about two people who were disagreeing about a painting. Yes, it probably wasn’t the hottest issue in their life, but they weren’t agreeing.

So, if you and another person don’t agree on a particular topic (and there are many - politics, religion, abortion, global warming, COVID masks, and vaccinations.)

*****

POINT 1 IS TO BE OPEN-MINDED.   

Approximately 50% of the population voted for Joe Biden and 50% voted for Donald Trump in the last election - one full year ago - and the bickering and fighting still continues.

The source I’m using today says:

“If you’re going to have a discussion where there are opposing views, make a concerted effort to put your opinion and judgment aside. I know that’s hard but it’s the only way you can be fair to the person you’re engaging in discussion with and the only way to fairly assess the topic. People often rush into a discussion with different points of view and beliefs ready to counter anything that’s said that’s opposed to their point of view and opinion. If there’s no room for change in your thinking, then what’s the point of having a discussion at all?

If your mind is already made up - then don’t go into a discussion - you already KNOW IT ALL.  

The older I get the more I realize that I need to be open to others (if you will - to LOVE others).  If I want to be in a discussion just to fling mud in somebody else’s face, then, I don’t really need to be in the discussion at all. 

*****

POINT 2 LISTEN

If you really want to be able to disagree without being disagreeable, you need to be open and honestly listen to the other person (without judgment).  Listen carefully.   Listening is an art.

It wasn’t until I got humbled that I could HEAR others.  I could hear people talking about their non-traditional love. I have talked with more lesbians than gay men, but I hear of the love and sharing that two females can have.  I hear some women say their husbands didn’t really want to listen to them - but that their female partners do listen to them.  

In the political world (watch out - an opinion is coming), it seems like the last election had undertones of the status quo (sometimes even as “privileged white people”) against the upstarts (blacks, Hispanics, minorities, Gays, Lesbians, Transgender.  People weren’t listening.

*****

POINT 3 KEEP TO THE FACTS

My source suggests: “Sometimes people just want to be right and they’ll fight to the finish in a discussion in order to prove that they’re right. When you keep to the facts, your argument is logical and straightforward. The facts alone should keep a discussion lively and honest.”

An argument I heard the other day was that the current President wasn’t doing enough to keep gas prices low, wasn’t doing enough on computer chips and supply chain issues.  I have not walked a mile in the previous President’s shoes or the current President’s shoes - but I doubt that either of them has worked in oil fields, or made computer chips, or worked on a ship that brought goods to the United States.  There are (maybe) some actions they can do to improve the situation, but (to me) the reality is that no one person can really control gas prices, computer chips, or supply chains.  

I heard a commentator say “the President did nothing today”.  Without really knowing, I assume the President was briefed on many situations, spent hours trying to understand issues, and got input from others.  If I was President what options might I have to control gas prices?  

I’m thinking of King Canute - who supposedly put this throne on the beach and commanded the tide not to rise.  A source said, “Kanute wanted to show those around him that the King was not divine.  After failing to hold back the tide, King Canute removed his crown, hung it from a crucifix, and never wore it again in honor of Almighty God.”

In terms of facts, there are very good fact-finding sources available. To me, it seems at times we are talking “apples and oranges”.  “The Yankees and Cardinals are the best teams in major league baseball - that might be true in the long run, but this year, the Braves and Astros are in the World Series. (And you can even debate “best” - best in winning, best in profitability, or best in fan analysis?

*****

POINT 4 KEEP EMOTIONS OUT OF IT

There are times when we really can’t be neutral.  I’m thinking of the people on the abortion question.  There are those who adamantly declare that abortion is immoral and must be stopped, and there are those who say shouldn’t women get to choose to keep or abort the child.  So the discussion gets muddied and becomes an excuse for people to harshly judge, criticize, demean, and be verbally abusive. If you move into personal territory, you’ve gone too far.

*****

POINT 5 KNOW WHEN TO GET OUT

If you are in a discussion that has become a fight, get out.  Take the high road - say “I don’t think we can agree on this, so please excuse me”.  

*****

I’m a lover, not a fighter.  If I hear augmenting, I will turn my back and leave.

Can we really love one another?  I think so.  I go so far as to say that “LOVE WINS”, and Love Covers a Multitude of Sins”. (1 Peter 4:8)

LOVE WINS!!!

Karen