Three weeks ago, I started this story. (I’ll add the story in full at the end of today’s blog.)
Quick Recap:
Jessica Lange, a school principal in Sioux Falls South Dakota got a call from her mother, Mary Pinsky. Mary had fallen and had crawled to the phone to call her daughter. Jessica sprang into action, calling the Dell Rapids EMT and getting them to her mother’s home. She also called her husband and family while driving from Sioux Falls to Dell Rapids (about 20 miles).
Mom had fallen and broken her hip in two places and had an emergency hip replacement. Mom was 85 and had some other health issues - diabetes, overweight, a knee replacement, high blood pressure, and more.
*****
This is the rest of the fictional story.
*****
WHAT TO DO WITH MOM.
The first issue was the immediate one - what to do with Mom. There was a rehabilitation facility in Dell Rapids and Jessica made a call to see if they could help Mom get back on her feet and be able to do the activities of her life. Jessica thought that being in her local community would be helpful for Mom. It was about twenty miles from Sioux Falls to Dell Rapids.
Jessica called the Dell Rapids Rehab and Nursing Center and Colleen Chase, the administrator, said they could work Mary Pinsky in. Mary would be a few more days in the hospital, then a few days at an Avera Rehab facility in Sioux Falls with appropriate therapists.
*****
About eight days later, a van from Dell Rapids Rehab and Nursing Center picked up Mary Pinsky from the Avera-Seton rehab center and took her to the Dell Rapids facility. Jessica had taken the day off from school to go with her mother and help her get settled in.
Colleen Chase had thought that maybe a month of rehabilitation would be needed and Jessica had gotten some pictures and things from Mary’s house that would make her room more comfortable.
And, Mary Pinsky did occupational therapy and physical therapy and after that month was pronounced as able to go to her own home. But, that was a big question in Jessica’s mind.
Jessica arranged for a Home Health assistant to visit her mother three days a week. The aide would help with cleaning, cooking, and household chores. (Jessica was happy that Mom had a good Medicare program )
*****
For most of the next two years, things were good. Mom liked the Home Health Assistant and she kept her schedule of Church, playing bridge, doing SilverSneakers, and walking. But, she didn’t walk as much and wasn’t quite as active, but at age 87 it wasn’t going to be expected.
Jessica and David (and the rest of the family) tried to include Mom in activities and tried to visit her frequently. It was good that Jessica, her husband David, her sister Beth, and her brother Michael were close and could visit and bring the children and grandchildren occasionally.
Every day as part of her prayers, Jessica prayed for strength for her mother and especially for good decisions when her mother drove. Dell Rapids was not the quiet little town that Jessica grew up in. The housing pressures of Sioux Falls had spread out in all directions and Dell Rapids did have new houses and new residents.
It happened on a Saturday morning. Mary Pinsky had an accident when driving out of Country Fare Food Store. It wasn’t bad - she just backed into a car. No people were involved, and the damage was limited. Mary called Jessica who called the insurance company and police department and got the repairs taken care of quickly Both cars were drivable, just a ‘fender bender” Mary said. She also said, “It could happen to anybody”. But the history was that the probability of more accidents was higher for senior drivers.
****
Mary’s auto insurance tripled at the next renewal
****
On a regular Wednesday cleaning visit, the Home Health assistant found Mary, naked and asleep in her recliner when she arrived. When the assistant greeted her, Mary was ashamed and said, “I took my shower and I was tired, so I thought I would sit for a minute before dressing for bed, and I guess I dozed off”.
*****
The aide might find a frying pan tucked was with the dishes or spoons and bowls in her bed. Not a bad thing.
One rainy day, she slipped in a puddle when coming home from church. She was a little bruised.
In May, Mary was gone when the health aid arrived. She did her chores and cleaned up. When the aide finished four hours later, she hadn’t returned. Unsure what to do, she called Jessica.
Jessica thought about it and suggested stopping by St. Mary’s Church. She was right - Mary was there, asleep in one of the pews with her Rosary in her hand.
On a Thursday, Mary walked the block to Church in her Sunday clothes for 9:30 Mass and wondered where all the people were.
The aide found Mary in her kitchen baking a casserole in the oven - but she hadn’t turned on the oven. Two days before, the aide had helped Mary prepare the dinner.
One morning about three o’clock, Mary called Jessica telling her a giant icicle was in the living room. Jessica talked to her mother longer and decided that Mary had left her window open and then had a bad dream about getting cold.
And, a second accident with her car happened at the Country Fare Food Store. This time she had backed into a car and neither car was driveable. Her car was in the shop for a week as it was getting repaired. Jessica arranged for the health aide to take her to the store and on other errands as needed that week.
*****
The little things of an older woman getting a little forgetful weren’t necessarily bad, just one more item.
*****
Jessica now made a weekly visit to Mom when she could. Mary was still a good talker. So, instead of going to their parish, St. Michaels in Sioux Falls, on Sunday at about 9:00; Jessica and David pulled in front of Mom’s house and walked her to Church. After Mass, they would go to Pizza Ranch (Mom’s favorite place to eat). They would spend a couple of hours at her house until Mom started to nod off for her nap, and Jessica and David would go home.
Jessica from her principal’s job found it hard to give up that much time for her Mom, and her brother Michael came once a month as did her younger sister Beth. Both Michael and Beth tried to keep the routine steady for Mom.
*****
A fall in December put Mary in the Avera Dell Rapids Hospital for a day.
*****
On the weekend before her 88th birthday in January, her family had a party at St. Mary’s Parish Center, the three children, Jessica, Beth, and Michael, and their spouses and the grandchildren in the area celebrated their Mom with an open house. Friends from the community came too. Jessica remembered some of Mom’s friends - they all looked so old now - and there seemed to be fewer. As Jessica visited with some of Mom’s friends, she learned about their news - three of her friends had died in the last year, two had moved in with family, five more had moved into assisted living or nursing homes.
Mary Pinsky was not an isolated situation - aging was slowly taking its toll.
*****
After another car accident, Jessica, with Beth, Michael, and their spouses agreed that Mary should no longer drive. Jessica was with her mother as she told her, and Mary sobbed incoherently for about twenty minutes.
*****
With another minor fall with just bruises, the family moved her to Orchard Hills Assisted Living Facility in Dell Rapids. Some of Mary Pinsky’s friends were already there.
The family sold her house and put the money in a trust to cover her living expenses. It was estimated that her income and this trust could help her live for up to ten more years financially.
Four years later at age 93, Mary had a stroke. A year later, she had a major heart attack and died.
*****
Author’s note. This is not the Pollyanna-type story that I like to write. As one of my senior friend’s comments “It’s one damn thing after another”. Aging happens, our “Golden Years” may not be quite as golden as we have been led to believe.
So, what should I add? Love your parents, even as they age. Honor them, show them all the grace, love, and mercy you can. Life is fleeting - you (and I) will be there someday.
LOVE WINS!!
Karen
*****************************************************************
Previous Version
SATURDAY, NOVEMBER 13, 2021 - SATURDAY STORY
This is a work of fiction
*****
Jessica got the call at work at 10:00. Her Mom had fallen and had laid on the floor for a while before somehow crawling to her phone. It was very hard to understand her on the phone - maybe she was a little delirious or weakened by the fall. It was hard to say. It seemed as if she was at home and hadn’t called anybody else.
Fortunately, Mom was fairly close - about 20 minutes from Sioux Falls to Dell Rapids. She immediately told her administrative assistant that she was leaving for the day. Yes, there were oodles of activities on the calendar, including a meeting with the School Superintendent about budget items for next year. Oh well, those would have to wait. Could a middle school run for the rest of the day without a principal? Well, it would have too!!
She called 911 and gave them Mom’s address in Dell Rapids. She indicated she was on her way.
She made a quick call to David, her husband, and asked him to call her brother and sister, and also to let the children know. She called the superintendent’s office and let them know, and left the school - four minutes after the call came in. Fortunately, the traffic on Cliff Avenue wasn’t too bad, and the stoplights (the bane of her life) weren’t too bad and she made it to Mom’s house in 19 minutes. (Yes, she might have exceeded the speed limit ‘just a little’). She was praying all the way for Mom, for wisdom, for help, and for her family.
Mom was 85 and had some other health issues - diabetes, overweight, a knee replacement, high blood pressure, and more.
She got to Mom’s house as the ambulance was parked in front and the front door was open. “Good,” she thought, they would be the first to get to her. She ran up the steps as a paramedic was coming out.
Breathlessly, she asked, “How is my mother?”
*****
Jessica's Dad had died two years ago and Mom continued living at the same house they had lived in since they married, 48 years before. It was a block from St. Mary's Church (where she attended daily and Sunday Mass), close to the Dell Rapids Senior Center (in the old St. Mary's school building), and she still drove. Fortunately, Dell Rapids had not grown as fast as Hartford or Lennex and Jessica felt that Mom was safe driving in Dell Rapids. She didn’t allow her (as if it made any difference) to drive to Sioux Falls, but Sioux Falls was the shopping location for the tri-state area of South Dakota, Minnesota, and Northwest Iowa. It was hard keeping Mom from driving to the thrift shops and Empire Mall. Mom insisted she was healthy and able.
Mary Pinsky did try to walk a couple of miles on good weather days. The Dell Rapids Senior Center did have a small gym and there were Silver Sneaker classes. Knowing her diabetes and overweight conditions, she tried to be careful, but when Marg Wolf brought cookies to bridge at the Senior Center she just had to have one (or two or three). Marg was her best friend and would be offended if Mary didn’t sample at least one (or two or three).
*****
Jessica thought she recognized the EMT. She thought he was a Fenster from a couple of years behind her in school. Was this one Mike, Tim, or Joe?
But Tim Fenster helped her out. “Hi”, he said, “I think you are Jessica Pinsky, or rather were Jessica Pinsky when we were in school. It’s been a few years.”
“Thank you Tim”, she answered, “I couldn’t remember which of the Fenster boys you were.”
Tim laughed, “Yes, I do get called Mike every now and then.”
Then he went into EMT mode. Your Mom had quite a fall. I don’t know if she blacked out or tripped on something. I’m suspecting a broken hip. She is bruised on her left side. I think she may have laid on the floor for a while before crawling to get her phone. She knocked over the end table where the phone must have been. That effort must have really been hard on her.”
“We are taking her to Avera Hospital in Sioux Falls. The Dell Rapids hospital is good, but we think she might need some specialized help.”
Tim asked, “Is that okay?”.
Jessica nodded, “YES - take her to Avera in Sioux Falls. Her medical records are already through Avera both here and in Sioux Falls.”
As an afterthought, she asked, “Can I follow you? Are you going to the emergency room at Avera?”
Tim nodded (and said), “Yes, we’ll be going soon.” We might run our lights, so you don’t need to follow us too closely”.
Mary Pinsky seemed to be unconscious as Jessica planted a kiss on her Mother’s forehead, and whispered a short prayer over her Mom. But Mary Pinsky opened her eyes a little and a little smile came over her face. And almost immediately her eyes closed again.
*****
Tim was good to his word. They did drive to Avera McKennan in Sioux Falls and they did drive faster and with their siren and lights flashing. Jessica lost them before they were out of Dell Rapids.
*****
Jessica called David and said they were heading to Avera McKennan in Sioux Falls. (Of course, older folks will remember it as just “McKennan” but the regional clinics in the area had been united under the Avera banner.)
Knowing she might be a while, she drove through the McDonald’s at Cliff and Easy 60th Street North and got a Dr. Pepper. She figured she might need the caffeine!! Then she continued down Cliff to McKennan Hospital. Parking she went into the Emergency Room door.
“May I help you?” asked a receptionist.
“Yes,” Jessica answered. My mother Mary Pinsky was just brought in by ambulance from Dell Rapids. Where should I wait?”
The receptionist nodded, and added, “Can you help us with some paperwork?”
“Sure”, answered Jessica. “What do you need?”
The receptionist turned to her computer scene and asked, “Is your mother allergic to any drugs?”
“Hmm, I don’t think so, other than maybe penicillin,” added Jessica.
“How about her birthdate, and address verification.” continued the receptionist.
Jessica answered, “She was born on August 24, 1939, in Dell Rapids. She lives at 425 East 8th Street in Dell Rapids”.
“And, what is your cell number?” continued the receptionist.
Jessica gave her phone number.
The receptionist looked up and smiled. “That’s what we have. We just had to verify that. There is a family waiting room around a corner” (She pointed). There is coffee and snacks there. I will put your name into the record so the staff can let you know the status.
*****
Jessica went into the family waiting room. There were two others in the room, an elderly gentleman, and what looked like a nervous husband.
These two came and went and others came in over the next two hours. Fortunately, she was the only one in the room when the doctor came in.
“Are you Mrs. Lange?”, asked a doctor. His name tag said “Richard McCarthy, MD”.
Jessica nodded.
The doctor continued, “Your mother is resting now. She’s had a busy morning. Her hip was broken, not just cracked, in two places, so we did an emergency hip replacement. She was quite bruised by her fall. Her blood pressure was high, and we’ve put her on an IV to lower that. But, she seems to have gone through it quite well. She’ll be coming out of anesthesia in the next while. We will be suggesting a rehab center for a few days to get used to the new hip and recover from the surgery.”
“Is she okay?”, asked Jessica.
“Yes, but definitely shaken. I didn’t talk with her as she was under anesthesia when she came in and is coming out now. She will have pain. And, like similar surgeries, the sooner she gets on her feet and walking the faster and better her recovery will be.” said Dr. McCarthy.
*****
Jessica was directed to her mother’s room. She entered quietly and sat in a chair. Nurses came and went, checking her vitals and seeing if she was still resting. About 45 minutes later, she started to stir and opened her eyes. Jessica said “Hi Mom”, and Mary Pinsky seemed happy to see her daughter.
*****
That was the start of a decline in Mary Pinsky’s health and attitude.
On Saturday, December 4th, we’ll look at what happened to Mary Pinsky and how Jessica Lange and her siblings adjusted as their mother declined.
LOVE WINS
Karen
