FRIDAY, APRIL 9TH, 2021 - LOVE WINS / DEATH / NEW LIFE

 FRIDAY, APRIL 9TH, 2021

This was started last Sunday - Easter.  But now, to finish it!!!

*************************************************************************

Four years ago, I “died” and came back to life.  While that isn’t totally true, it is more than partially true.

So why write about it today - Easter Day - Resurrection Day?  Because it IS Easter Day - Resurrection Day.

Four years ago at the Easter Vigil service, I could barely stand without fainting.  (Vertigo is maybe the correct analysis).  I had gone to an Emergency Room the day before - and then sent me home-  with the message“your blood pressure is a little high and you are dehydrated”.  I( felt terrible.  I had back pains, even teeth pains.  (I went to the dentist on Monday, and a chiropractor - did I have a tooth abscess or something out of line?  No, I didn’t)

By Tuesday after Easter, I found my blood pressure device - and my pressure was about 180 over 130!!  I thought maybe it was wrong.  I stopped at a pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to take my pressure - by then it was 213 over 161 with a pulse of 165!!  

The emergency room got it right this time - and I went to a hospital.  It was in an ambulance - but (alas), they didn’t run the siren!!  

Later, my surgeon said, “You are lucky to be alive.”  I did have surgery, and in some respects was dead.  They had to stop my heart to reroute my aorta and reconnect it and I was alive on special equipment.  WOW!!!  

WOW again!!!  I had a “new life”.  NEW LIFE!!!!  

*****

The last few weeks have been very dark (from a spiritual perspective).

Two days ago, as I sat at the Good Friday service, the impact of Jesus’ death was heavy on me. I sang “Were You There” in my brain for hours.  Death, brutal death on a cross.  

 ***

But, this morning sitting in my pew I was overjoyed!!  (again I started this on Easter Morning), I was crying (really almost bawling) with happy tears.  (Yes, I can be emotional!!)

***

I understood the death to resurrection concept this morning.  I also understood going through the desert.  Then I was banned from my house and my family.  I view this like Joseph and his brothers from the Old Testament.  The brothers sold Joseph who became a slave and then a prisoner in Egypt until he rose to be second to the pharaoh.  After making it up with his brothers, Joseph says “You meant it for evil but God meant it for good.”

 ***

Okay, Karen, so you sensed the death of a concept and the rebirth of a concept (in my case - Faith).  

Is it like that for other things?

YES, YES, YES, YES!!!

It seems that many things in life have to go through a ‘death/resurrection cycle.  The seeds that get planted have to ‘die’ when planted in the soil so the genetics in the shell of the seed can come out and be reborn as a new plant.  

Butterflies were once crawling insects and got spun into a cocoon and had to ‘die’ to that old worm stage to become a butterfly.  

In the Systems world, you frequently have to switch from an old system to a new system.  The most drastic of system changes means unplugging machines, moving them out, bringing in the new machines and setting them up, testing them, and putting them online.  

And, for most of us - who have moved residents, there is a dying to the old house/residence; and rebirth in the new house/residence - new colors, new things to hang on the wall, new address, new, new, new.

*****

In my particular case, I wasn’t a good husband for Connie anymore - and while divorcing wasn’t my plan, but I’m going to take that as “God meant it for good” (for her good, and for my good).   (Thank you dear for setting me free).  Thank you Anne for adopting me!!!  Thank you, Ron, Kelly, Rita, Lynette, Tom, Steve, Kathleen, Paula, and so many others for accepting me.  And, thank you God for reconciling me to my family (although I haven’t seen it yet).

I felt something today like the end scenes of the Grinch who stole Christmas - where his heart grew three sizes.  I was enveloped, surrounded with the LOVE of GOD - the LOVE that I have been writing about.  I know that faith comes before feelings. But, feelings are also from God.  

But, it is about faith.  Faith in the new system - faith and trust that the changes being made are good changes.  That move from (say) South Dakota to Connecticut was somehow a move of faith.  Could I be a good teacher in Connecticut after the fantastic experience in South Dakota?  Did I have ‘faith’ in myself, in my teaching?

Death/resurrection - mega change.  Are we ready to take that leap of faith both spiritual and societal?  

Peter believed - but when he saw the trial, and he denied Jesus three times, it hit him.  He was a worthless coward. Death - the end - PERIOD.

But, Peter hung around to see the “butterfly” emerge from the tomb, to see the risen Christ.

Karen believed - but when she saw the naysayers, she entertained the idea that all is vanity (Ecclesiastes 1:1).  How stupid was it to give up the good, easy, and non-challenging life, for the rough, mentally challenging, transformational life?  

Every day, Karen confronts herself, her beliefs, her transgender nature.  Is it for real?  Was a ‘spark’ present?  (Or did I just imagine a spark?).  Is this real?  How can it be?  

Analogy time. It has to be tough to climb mountains - any mountain.  If your goal is to get to the top and every step is almost impossible - do you fight on and struggle to make it to the top?  Or do you take the easy way out of turning back?   BUT, there are times when you must turn back.  Whenever we have strong rains in Texas, the local media urges “Turn Around, Don’t Drown”.  But, there are times that we MUST go on.  I have peace about my life, I have peace with God!!  I have peace about renewing my mind and my body!!!  So, yes, I am going ahead.  

*****

But it wasn’t over!!!  And, it sure isn’t over for me - or for you.  

Every day we confront ourselves - keep fighting upstream, or stop and be washed downstream by the current.  In my case, to not fight and go upstream, would be to put out the spark within.

LOVE WINS!!!

HUGS!!!

KAREN