TUESDAY, FEBRUARY 14, 2023 - VALENTINE'S DAY

 TUESDAY, FEBRUARY 14, 2023

VALENTINE’S DAY

Today is February 14, 2023- Valentine’s Day

Valentine’s Day supposedly is for St. Valentine. “Saint Valentine was a 3rd-century Roman saint, commemorated in Western Christianity on February 14 and in Eastern Orthodoxy on July 6. From the High Middle Ages, his Saints' Day has been associated with a tradition of courtly love.” Seemingly (from 18 centuries ago), he preached LOVE and helped young lovers!!

I pledged my love in front of a group of family and friends on June 14, 1974.  We were married 47 years - until our divorce.  I wasn’t ready for a divorce.  In those vows I proclaimed:

“Bruce, do you take this woman to be your wife, to live together in holy matrimony, for better or worse, for richer or poorer; in sickness and in health, forsaking all others, until death?"   And, I responded, “I do”.

And, likewise, “Connie, do you take this man to be your husband, to live together in holy matrimony for better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, forsaking all others until death”.  She responded, “I do”.

I agreed with those vows - in sickness and in health - for better for worse, richer or poorer - until death.  No one in my immediate family had ever been divorced.  And, Connie did as well.

I guess the “in sickness and in health clause kicked me out of the marriage.  I wasn’t sure of my mental state.  I spent four days in a mental health facility (so, a mental illness).  I had a six-hour major surgery (where the surgeon said I was lucky to be alive), and I spent four months in a weekly “Celebrate Recovery” renouncing my female nature.  And, now, to the agony of my wife, I was becoming a female and had my mail organ changed into a female organ.  Nothing halfway there!!!

Not only did I lose a wife, but I also lost a son and a daughter, and I lost my beloved twins and beloved triplet grandchildren.  It has been four-and-one-half years since I have seen my grandchildren.  I do believe that reconciliation will occur.

BUT … don’t feel sorry for me, I brought it on myself.  My wife said “You’re not the man I married”, and that is true.  Her vows said, “I think this MAN to be my husband.” I am not a man anymore. I want to believe this gender issue is from God.  I describe my first experience as a “ton of bricks fell on me”, or “I was run over by a Mack Truck”.  I was an egotistical, white, conservative, misogynistic male.  I might have been a “nice person” on the outside, but my mind was stuck in judgment mode. 

I have backed into a “Love Wins” philosophy. I just couldn’t live with myself as the egotistical professor anymore.  It took some external pressures and a major aorta surgery.  It also took an ex-wife to make me question who I am, and who I want to be in retirement. 

I wasn’t ready when my wife asked me to leave the house so she could think.  That happened twice in the morning, then she needed me gone overnight - so I was gone overnight - then gone for a week, and then moved out of the apartment at her request.

I am still finding out who I am, and what it means to be a female (there are a lot of things I had no clue about!!!). 

So, for this Valentine’s Day, I am offering up God’s love - unconditional love.  I love my ex-wife, my children, and my grandchildren - UNCONDITIONALLY. But, I have to.  (I think my blog last Friday says a lot about who I am becoming).

I do miss having a spouse.  I miss having somebody to kiss when she comes home or I come home.  I miss being able to roll over in bed and hug somebody.  I miss having the companionship of a spouse. 

*****

But - it is over.  “In Everything Give Thanks”.  I’m not married anymore.  She isn’t married anymore.  It is reality!!!
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But, now, a little look at Valentine’s Day

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How do you say “I love you?” seemingly with CHOCOLATE!! Chocolate contributed $2.5 billion to the total $4.1 billion seasonal period sales for Valentine’s Day.

It is estimated that more than 250 million roses are produced for Valentine's Day.

But, LOVE still does flourish!!!  I lost love and I found love!!

LOVE WINS!!!!

LOVE TRANSFORMS (don’t I know that!!!)

KAREN ANNE WHITE, © FEBRUARY 14, 2023