SUNDAY FUNDAY, DECEMBER 17, 2023

 SUNDAY FUNDAY

DECEMBER 17, 2023

COOKIES AND PARTYING WITH DR. WHITE

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CHRISTMAS COOKIE RULES...

   1.   If you eat a Christmas cookie fresh out of the oven, it has no calories because everyone knows that the first cookie is the test and thus calorie-free. However, calories are heat units, so wait for them to cool. There will be no calories.

2. If you drink a diet soda after eating your second cookie, it also has no calories because it cancels out the cookie calories.

3. If a friend comes over while making your Christmas cookies and needs to sample, you must sample with your friend. Because your friend's first cookie is calorie-free (rule #1), yours is also. It would be rude to let your friend sample alone, and, being the friend that you are, that makes your cookie calorie-free.

 4. Any cookie calories consumed while walking around will fall to your feet and eventually fall off as you move. This is due to gravity and the density of the caloric mass.

 5. Any calories consumed during the frosting of the Christmas cookies will be used up because it takes many calories to lick excess frosting from a knife without cutting your tongue.

 6. Cookies colored red or green have very few calories. Red ones have three, and green ones have five - one calorie for each letter. Make more red ones!

7. Cookies eaten while watching "Miracle on 34th Street" have no calories because they are part of the entertainment package and not part of one's fuel.

8. As always, cookie pieces contain no calories because breaking causes calorie leakage.

9. Any cookies consumed from someone else's plate have no calories because the calories rightfully belong to the other person and will cling to their plate. We all know how calories like to CLING!

10. Any cookies consumed while stressed have no calories because cookies used for medicinal purposes NEVER have calories. It's a rule!

So, enjoy those Christmas Cookies - we get them only this time of year!

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I accidentally swallowed a bottle of food coloring. I'm feeling a little blue. It's like I've dyed a little inside.

HOLIDAY EATING TIPS

1.   Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows little about the Holiday spirit. If you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, where they're serving rum balls.  

2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly, it's rare. You cannot find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It's not as if you're going to turn into an eggnog alcoholic or something. It's a treat. Enjoy it. I have one for me. Have two. It's later than you think. It's Christmas!  

3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole point of gravy. Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.  

4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim milk or whole milk. If it's skim, pass. Why bother? It's like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission.

5. Do not have a snack before a party to control your eating. The whole point of going to a Holiday party is to eat other people's food for free. Lots of it. Hello?  

6. You should refrain from exercising between now and New Year's. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This is the time for long naps, which you'll need after circling the buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.  

7. If you find something delicious at a buffet table, like frosted Christmas cookies in Santa's shape and size, position yourself near them and don't budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the center of attention. They're like a beautiful pair of shoes. If you leave them behind, you'll never see them again.  

8. Same for pies. Apple, Pumpkin, Mincemeat. Have a slice of each. Or if you don't like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have three. When else do you have more than one dessert, Labor Day?  

9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with the mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all costs. I have some standards.  

10. One final tip: Pay attention to whether you feel okay leaving the party or getting up from the table. Re-read tips; start over, but hurry. January is just around the corner. Remember this motto to live by:  

"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave to arrive safely in an attractive and well-preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate and wine in one hand, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and screaming "WOO HOO! what a ride!" MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!

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SILLY CHRISTMAS SONGS

There have been lots of funny Christmas songs over the years.

GRANDMA GOT RUN OVER BY A REINDEER:

Grandma got run over by a reindeer
Walking home from our house Christmas eve
You can say there's no such thing as Santa.
But as for me and grandpa, we believe

She'd been drinking too much eggnog
And we begged her not to go.
But she forgot her medication
And she staggered out the door into the snow.
When we found her Christmas morning
At the scene of the attack
She had hoofprints on her forehead.
And incriminating Claus marks on her back.

ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS MY TWO FRONT TEETH.

(It is more of a toddler song - having lost his baby teeth and can't pronounce "S.”)

It seems so long since I could say
"Sister, Susie sitting on a thistle!"
Gosh, oh gee, how happy I'd be if I could only whistle

All I want for Christmas is my two front teeth.
My two front teeth
See my two front teeth.
Then I could wish you "Merry Christmas."

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HOW ABOUT I WANT A HIPPOPOTAMUS FOR CHRISTMAS?

I want a hippopotamus for Christmas.
Only a hippopotamus will do
No crocodiles, or rhinoceroseses
I only like hippopotamuses.
And hippopotamuses like me, too

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There are other songs, but I hope you enjoy the Christmas cookies (without calories), the hints for Christmas Parties, and singing weird songs!!

Have a fantastic week!!

Karen