SUNDAY FUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 8, 2024 - FOOTBALL

 SUNDAY FUNDAY

FOOTBALL

SEPTEMBER 8, 2024

FOOTBALL EDITION

Yes, you can call it “fall” now.  It is September, Starbucks is selling pumpkin spice coffee, and football is back!!!

We are in weekend two for college football.  The “make a lot of money” games still exist.  Rhode Island at Minnesota, Bowling Green at Penn State, Tennessee Tech at Georgia.  And a pretty big game - Texas at “The Big House” (Michigan). Texas won - 31 to 12.

In 2023, a research company surveyed Americans about their favorite sport. 53% said “Football, “27% said “baseball, “8% said basketball, “3% said soccer, and the rest of the votes were scattered. (I’m guessing golf, tennis, track and field, and maybe even rugby or cricket.) 

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(Personal opinion):  I think football appeals to Americans for violence.  Linemen tackle the quarterback for a sack, and runners smash through the line with stiff arms.  Did anybody get carted off the field on a stretcher?  No? Then it wasn’t much of a game.  

The college football game is changing. There is a two-minute timeout (which seems pretty close to the two-minute warning that professional games have); players can earn money; it is easier to transfer to a different school and play.  

Last weekend was the first (real) weekend for college football.  A coaching friend once called this “Prostitution Week”.  Teams like Alabama paid Western Kentucky 1.9 million dollars to come to Tuscaloosa to play.  If there are 60 players on the Western Kentucky team, they each “earned” over 31 thousand dollars.  Texas paid Colorado State 1.7 million dollars to come to Austin to get beat 52 to 0.  

But, these games are important to the Western Kentucky and Colorado State football programs.  They know they will lose - but the payout pays for other sports like cross-country, swimming, golf, tennis, and more.

A friend’s son was the head cross-country coach for Nebraska.  The son knew that Nebraska made money on football and that trickled down to his team (and his salary).

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FOOTBALL JOKES

 What is a foot ball player’s favorite kind of dancer? A Belichick!

What’s the difference between a Jets fan and a baby? The baby will stop whining after a while.  (The Jets haven’t been very successful lately)

Why do Jets fans always carry a map? Because they can’t find their way into the end zone!

How many Jets fans does it take to change a light bulb? None. They are used to living in the Patriots’ shadow.

Did you hear about the child abuse case in New York City.  The kid was getting beat up by both his mother and father.  The judge asked the boy where he wanted to go.  The boy answered, “Send me to the Jets.  They never beat anybody.”

What do you call a lineman’s kid? – A chip off the old blocker!

Why was the college team late for the game? They mistakenly went to the Siesta Bowl.

Did you hear about the foot who went to the dance party? – Yeah, it had a “ball”!

How do football players stay cool during the game? – They stand near the fans!

Why don’t football fields need money? – Because of all the quarters!

Why did the football sigh? It was “deflated”!

 Where to college teams eat breakfast? At the Cereal Bowl!

Why did they put artificial turf on the football field?  So the cheerleaders wouldn’t graze.

Did you hear about the super smart football lineman?  No, I didn’t either.

(repeats)

What did the receiver say to the football?  Catch you later

Why can’t football players wear glasses on the field?  Because it’s a contact sport.

Why was Cinderella such a lousy football player?  Because her coach was a pumpkin and she ran away from the ball.

What is a pro football player’s favorite ice cream?  Any given sundae. 

What happens to football players who go blind?  They become referees.

Why did the chocolate chip cookie drop all its chips?  Because that’s the way the cookie fumbles. 

Which football player wears the biggest helmet?  The one with the biggest head.

How did the octopuses win the football game?  Ten tackles. (tenacles) 

Where do football players dance?  At a foot ball.

How do chickens encourage their football teams? They egg them on.

Where do football players go when they need a new uniform?  New Jersey.

How do football players deal with their problems? They tackle them head-on.

When should football players wear armor?  When they play knight games.

What football player has very strong legs and builds houses?  A carpunter.

Why do coaches like punters?  Because punters always put their best foot forward.

Where do hungry football players play?  In the Supper Bowl.

What did the football player say to the flight attendant?  “Put me in coach!”

What did the football say to the punter?  I get a kick out of you.

What do you call a boat full of polite football players?  A good sportsman-ship.

Which insect doesn’t play football well?  The fumble bee.

What did the guy say when his wife left him because he was obsessed with football?  “Oh well, we had five good seasons together.”

Which football game do cats like to watch?  The Goldfish Bowl.

Why did the kicker finally decide to marry his high school sweetheart?  She was a fair catch.

What do centers wear on their feet?  Hiking shoes.

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LOVE WINS

LOVE TRANSFORMS

Karen