My Philosophy III

Philosophy III - Forgive

By-the-way - as you read my philosophy, I want you to realize that I have a philosophy, but I don’t always live it.  No way - but I try.  And, it might not quite be a philosophy but more of my goals for living a good life.  

I looked up “Saint Karen” and there seems to be such a person, but not in the Catholic sense of a saint.  It seems to be a fictional world.  But, according to this fictional world (like Lake Wobegon), “February 25 is the Feast Day of Saint Karen of Price, patron of washerwomen. The small town of Price is famous for its hot springs in which St. Karen washed the clothing of the village children for sixty years. For her selfless dedication to laundry, she was elevated to sainthood under the reign of the Lobster Pope.”  (https://thehiddenalmanac.fandom.com/wiki/Saint_Karen_of_Price) 

Today, I want to write about forgiveness.  Alexander Pope wrote: “To err is human, to forgive, divine.” “The meaning is that all people commit sins and make mistakes. God forgives them, and people are acting in a godlike (divine) way when they forgive.” (from Dictionary.com)

I am pretty stupid at times, and I need forgiveness.  And, since I need forgiveness, I also need to forgive others.  There is a phrase “I have sinned in my thoughts, words, and deeds, both in what I have done and what I haven’t done”.

When I look at somebody and mentally judge them, I’m stepping across a border.  (Judge not, lest you be judged).  

And, sometimes it is for something I haven’t done!!  Have I fed the hungry, given water to the thirsty, visited those in jail and hospitals?  Have I shown mercy to others - even if they don’t deserve it?

I need to forgive.  Peter, the disciple of Jesus asked “How many times must I forgive? Seven times?” And Jesus said “Seventy-times seven times.”  (Which really means to me - always forgive).

That can be tough!!  

We’ve all heard the stories of some person (generally a man) who kidnaps and kills somebody.  Generally, the version goes, the daughter gets kidnapped while jogging and raped and then brutally.  Later, outside the courtroom, the parents (with tears in their eyes) say “We forgive him”.  Come on?  Really?  You can forgive the man who raped and killed your daughter?  

Likewise, there are those who have been bullied or abused as a child.  Maybe even the father abused and sexually assaulted his own daughter.  Can the daughter when grown forgive her father for such a heinous crime? 

I say “yes”.  And, I add “You have to”.  If you don’t forgive you are carrying this thing within you.  You are hating what was done to you.  It is like a cancer within you.  It festers and grows and can even become all consuming.  

I have thought over the years if somebody took one of my very precious grandchildren and abused them.  Maybe even rape and kill them.  My first thoughts are to get a gun and avenge this crime.  An eye for an eye.  I haven’t really faced such a situation, but my philosophy says, “I must forgive”.  I can’t carry the burden.  I can rationalize this by thinking - God will ‘nail’ the person eventually, which isn’t much of a loving thought!!!  

Some writers have used the term “Let Go and Let God”.  Turn it over to God (however you see God).  “Vengeance is mine says the Lord”.  

Hey, I am going to live a finite number of years (I have the number 98 in mind - as my mother lived to 98 and my father to 97).  If there is a heaven (more on that in a few days), I don’t want to be excluded because I couldn’t forgive some other fragile human!!  

A quote I like from an Anne Lamont about forgiveness is this: ““Not forgiving is like drinking rat poison and then waiting for the rat to die.”  Get it out of your system.

In many cases, you can’t do it alone - you need divine help.  Stephen, the first Christian martyr prayed (as he was being stoned): ““Lord, do not hold this sin against them.”; and Jesus also prayed “Father, forgive them, for they don’t know what they are doing.” 

My friends, if I have hurt you, said something stupid, please forgive me.  And, if I have hurt you or others, I do forgive you and all the others.  

I love you all!!

Karen

Karen's Philosophy - part II

My Philosophy - part II

So, I started a series on my philosophy.  To be honest, thinking about that, I must be egotistical.  Who tries to push her philosophy on others?  Please do not think I am pushing my philosophies - I never want to push anything (other than doors that say “push”)!!

So, back to those Judeo/Christian origins.  

While it is a New Testament concept, I think it relates to the Old Testament as well.  The “Golden Rule”.  In Matthew 7:12 we have this: “In everything, do to others what you would have them do to you.”

Basically, to me, that means “be nice to others and (hopefully) they will be nice to you.”  As I’ve aged, I’ve seen bullies that aren’t nice, and I don’t like that.  I like the adage “If you can be anything, be nice”.  Even to the cranky clerk, I need to be nice.  Even to the person who is trying to take advantage of me (like a car repair shop that wants to jack up the prices), I must be nice.  That doesn’t necessarily mean I need to be a push-over.  But, even if the person/company takes advantage over me, that might be okay.  (see next point)

I am not to judge.  (Okay, I fail at that concept).  The Bible suggests “Don’t judge lest you be judged”.  The old Indian proverb talks about “walk a mile in their shoes” before you can really evaluate who and what they are about.  

In my Judeo/Christian view, I view God as the ultimate judge. So, somebody that really screwed me over intentionally - not my problem.  God is going to get him!!  (Although, I may want God to hit the person with a bolt of lightning at that moment!!)  In the big scheme of things, so I go to my grave missing a few hundred dollars that somebody took from me.  I am not going to carry a grudge; I am not going to lose sleep over it.  

There are always going to be toxic people for me (and for others).  I don’t know their reasons, but I don’t have to.  Maybe they have terrible abdominal pain or constant pain.  Maybe their son/daughter committed suicide and they are blaming themselves.  Maybe they had a huge fight with their spouse that morning just before I met them.

I have called myself a “Pollyanna” a few times in the past.  The definition of a Pollyanna is “the name being taken from a book of the same title, means “an excessively or blindly optimistic person.”  You know the car that cut you off in traffic and then flashed the finger at you.  His wife just called from the hospital and she is having their first child.  Or, his dear, precious mother might only last twenty more minutes, and he is rushing to the hospital to give his mother a final hug.  Yes, I know those aren’t true, but they could be.  I’m not going to call him a ‘jerk’ or an ‘asshole’ (excuse me, I never use that word.  I think it might be the first time I’ve ever typed it!!!)  

There are people (I know some seniors), that cannot say anything nice to me or others.   I am NOT going to retaliate in kind.  That is who they are.  I can’t change them, and I try not to let them ruin my day!!  They have had a tough life.  In the past year, I have made good friends with two wonderful women who were abused by their fathers.  I understand their pent-up anger, their hurts.  I sympathize with them.  And, I will be nice to them!!!  

So, do unto others as you would have them do to you!!  

Other relevant scriptures: “You have heard that it was said, ‘An eye for an eye, and a tooth for a tooth.’ But I tell you, do not resist an evil person. If anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to them the other cheek also. And if anyone wants to sue you and take your shirt, hand over your coat as well.” (Matthew 5:38-40).

(That Jesus guy was really a radical, and it seems like we want to ‘sanitize’ him)

So, let’s make that the first day of my philosophy.  Yes, I would NOT be a good soldier or cop!!

What do you think?  Are there times we need to stand up for our rights?

Karen

Karen Bruce's Philosophy part I

So, Karen, what really is your philosophy?

Good Question!!!

I have been blogging for about eight years - more or less.  For the past four years, I have tried to post something every day.  So, 365 * 4 plus maybe 1,000 more so over 2,000 posts.  Most have been comments about an article I read, or some motivation.  I did a series (that really became a mini-eBook)  about distance education three years ago (through the support of NYDLA - New York Distance Learning Association and my great friend Thomas Capone - and … hint, if you aren’t friends with Tom, you should be!!!)

I’ve done excerpts from my “Bring it On: Coaching and Mentoring for College Students” and “Rebooting:  Creating the Career and Change You Seek” (both on Amazon eBooks pretty cheaply, but don’t waste your money!!)

I’ve blogged on technology.  I love autonomous vehicles (and almost anything with Elon Musk).  I’ve blogged on aging (not that I’m an expert) but moving into that arena.

I've blogged on health, healthy choices.  I've blogged on the environment.  I have lightly touched on politics and will not go there frequently.

Last week (Thanksgiving week), I spend three days with my friend KW in her cabin outside of Wimberly.  I also spend time with AP on a weekly basis (including a great four mile walk in the drizzle last week).  

I also spent four days on ‘vacation’ (my term) last month - meaning four days in a mental hospital - getting my head on straight.  

As many of you know, and it isn’t a secret, I am transitioning from male to female.  (HUH? At age 72?  Are you nuts?  [aside, I must be - after all, I did spend four days in a mental hospital].)

I love to write.  Grammarly reviews my writing -  in almost all weeks, I am using a larger vocabulary that most (in the 90% range), and writing more than 90% of those writing on the web.  Dr. Nelson, my freshman composition teacher would be turning over in her grave with that comment, but maybe it was partially because of her and my high school English teacher that I can maybe write.  I guess as an academic I had to write.  Many times, it was onerous (hey - got to push my vocabulary count up!!).  It did get easier with age and experience.

My friend (RP) commented on one of my posts last week when I was wondering if I was making a difference.  Ron commented “There is no question in my mind that you, Karen Bruce have already made the world a better place to be. Keep up the good work.”

My friend (either KL or KW) also commented on that piece with some great philosophy:
“As I too grow closer to my last decades of this life I am affirming these principles and doing my best to live by them:

1) Clean up after myself and leave the smallest possible footprint on Mother Earth.

2) To recognize that compassion is the most powerful force known to man. If I fail to love and be kind to my Self with all my own foibles and limitations, I will inevitably judge others for theirs.

3) To remember to give thanks for every experience and the emotions that accompany them. Each hardship is a teacher and each blessing is an honor to receive.

4) To share the wisdom, I have gained through the bittersweet experiences of these 60 years to help lessen the burdens of others.”

(Thanks KL/KW)  

I’ve dialogued with SS (I am so proud of him); and KB (he keeps me honest).  NP is a frequent reader, but LM/LG is probably my most faithful reader.  I like to think I’m an encourager, but LM/LG is the ultimate encourager and supporter.  No wonder she was such an outstanding educator!!!

I tend to follow in the Judeo/Christian school of thought and do use scripture verses frequently.  

So, if you will allow me (and, other than contacting Facebook directly, I’m not quite sure how you might stop me), I want to spend a couple of days thinking my way through my philosophy.  It is probably time that I really put it all together anyway!!!

So, you can either skip until next Sunday (or whenever I get off this tangent) or you can read the next few days.  I hope you can add comments and insights!!

Love and Hugs!!!

Karen

Change your life #2

Change your mind - part II

From Success Magazine and John Maxwell:

https://www.success.com/john-c-maxwell-it-only-takes-6-steps-to-change-your-life/?

We started this yesterday, so we will finish it off today.

Yesterday:

#1 When you change your thinking, you change your beliefs

#2 When you change your beliefs, you change your expectations.  

#3 When you change your expectations you change your attitude

Today:

#4 When you change your attitude, you change your behavior

I know three strong people who were alcoholics (or, they still are alcoholics, but have avoiding the temptations for many years)

They changed their beliefs - leading to a change in attitude what said (to them at least) “I don’t need alcohol”!!  They stopped buying alcohol and tucking it away in the pantry.  Coming home from work, they don’t want a cocktail - their behavior changed.  

#5 When you change your behavior you change your performance

Maxwell writes, “Most people would rather live with old problems than new solutions. We would rather be comfortable than correct; we would rather stay in a routine than make changes. Even when we know that the changes are going to be better for us, we often don’t make them because we feel uncomfortable or awkward about making that kind of a change. Until we get courage and get used to living with something that is not comfortable, we cannot get any better.”

Yes, we are in our comfort zone.  Doing what we have been doing - the same old things - again and again.  In the past I talked of a cartoon with a person in a pathway asking, “Am I in the groove or am I in a rut”.  Grooves feel good, and ruts even feel good.  Without implying anything, I was in a rut.  My comfort zone was just too ‘comforting’.  I needed to change in order to grow.  And, I had changed - and I am still changing.  Your change does not have to be as radical as my change but changing - such as stopping smoking or drinking or overeating or not exercising requires an action!!

#6 When you change your performance you change your LIFE

YEP - you need to change your life for the better.

Some people have suggested that we need to make the current situation - the status quo - be so very painful that we HAVE to change.  Realize that your smoking will probably cause health problems; or your drinking will cause health problems, or your obesity will also cause you health problems.

CHANGE YOUR LIFE FOR THE BETTER!!!

Karen

Change Your Life

Change your mind!!!

From Success Magazine and John Maxwell:

https://www.success.com/john-c-maxwell-it-only-takes-6-steps-to-change-your-life/?

To Change your life around, you have to change your thinking:

#1 When you change your thinking, you change your beliefs

Maxwell writes: “Change begins with the mind. Beliefs are nothing more than a byproduct of what you have thought about long enough, something that you have bought into—always remember that. What you believe, what you think, is just a collection of continual thoughts that have formed themselves into a conviction. When you break down the process of thinking into a manageable number of steps, you reduce the perceived risk associated with change.”

Some of us are scared of change.  (Like some of us are scared of retirement - which is a change, or scared of new jobs; new living conditions.)

Change begins with the mind!!  

In Systems Analysis and Design, we talk about being ‘change agents.  Businesses need to adapt to new considerations and new technologies to thrive.  And likewise, humans need to change and adapt as we.

We sometimes think we can’t change.  We can’t stop smoking.  We can’t lose weight.  We can’t get out and exercise.  BUT WE CAN!!  But, we need to work on it and change begins with the mind,

#2  When you change your beliefs, you change your expectations.  

Again, from Maxwell” “Belief is the knowledge that we can do something. It is the inner feeling that what we undertake, we can accomplish. For the most part, all of us have the ability to look at something and know whether we can do it. So, in believing there is power… our eyes are opened, our opportunities become plain; our visions become realities. Our beliefs control everything we do. If we believe we can or we believe we cannot, we are correct.”

If YOU believe, you can achieve.  Henry Ford implied this as he wrote, “If you think you can or you think you can’t, you’re right”.

If you believe you can lose weight (or quit smoking or anything) - you can do it.  You change your expectations.  Instead of being a loser you become a winner.  

#3 When you change your expectations you change your attitude

The article says “Your expectations are going to determine your attitude. Most people get used to average; they get used to second best. The first and most important step toward success is the expectation that we can succeed.”

You KNOW of people who have changed.  A friend of mine was about 120 pounds overweight - really.  And a friend convinced her to go to a Zumba class.  She loved it and lost the weight is now a Zumba instructor - and delightful.  (I love to hear her laughs at our bridge club - her ATTITUDE is so rea!!)

The article has six points, so tomorrow I will cover the final three points.

So:

• When you change your thinking, you change your beliefs
• When you change your beliefs, you change your expectations
• When you change your expectations, you change your attitude

Tomorrow:

• When you change your attitude, you change your behavior
• When you change your behavior, you change your performance
• When you change your performance, you change your LIFE

See you tomorrow!!!

Karen

I ate too much at Thanksgiving - part II

I ate too much at Thanksgiving - part II

https://www.sharecare.com/health/live-to-one-hundred/slideshow/effortless-ways-to-lose-weight

Yesterday, I started a two day look at some dieting ideas.  I’m going to finish today!!

Item #5 Be active and aware of what you are doing.

The author suggests that all of us need to have a pedometer and keep track of our steps.  (Maybe that Fitbit that you have thought about for years should be on your Christmas list!!!)

The ultimate goal is about 10,000 steps a day (or about five miles for most people, where 2,000 steps make one mile.  But if you haven’t been walking don’t jump into 10,000 right away.  Keep track of what you normally walk and work up to the goal.

Item #6 Hide the scale

This one is maybe less intuitive.  (and, I fail at this).  The article suggests “The takeaway? You’re better off focusing on your pedometer numbers than the number on your scale. “A better quality of life, an active lifestyle and to better engage in the world are reasons to lose weight.”

Item #7 Be Realistic

Let’s say you are up twenty pounds, and you are determined to lose that by New Year’s Day.  That might be a nice goal, but unrealistic.  Get going on your path, get your Fitbit, count your steps, change your diet, but as Rome wasn’t built in a day, your weight loss will take some time.

Item #8 Get your sleep

In so many of the health-related articles, adequate sleep is recommended.

Adequate sleep (7 to 9 hours for adults) boosts your mood, reduces inflammation and helps your skin repair itself, but it’s important for weight management too. When you’re in slow-wave sleep your body is burning fat.

The amount of sleep you get can affect your eating habits. “Sleep deprivation is one of the reasons people don’t lose weight.  When you’re sleep-deprived, your body produces more ghrelin, the hunger hormone”.

WOW - get your sleep!!

Item #9 Drink water

Yep.  The article suggests about a gallon of water a day (or about 12 cups of water - or 4 quarts of water). Fill your water/juice containers and have some in your refrigerator.  

The article suggests that if your urine is dark, you need more water.

I’m never too certain when I read about drinking water if that water can be in coffee or tea (preferably iced tea for me).  But, the note about checking your urine color can help.  (And, like other things, I don’t drink enough water!!!)

So, there we are - two days of weight suggestions after your Thanksgiving feast.

Enjoy your life, live life to the fullest, love who you are, accent the positive and don’t let the negative bring you down!!!!

Hugs!!!

Karen

I ate too much at Thanksgiving

I ate too much at Thanksgiving!!!

https://www.sharecare.com/health/live-to-one-hundred/slideshow/effortless-ways-to-lose-weight

Okay, we (almost) all did it – we ate too much at Thanksgiving.  I did!!  Turkey, dressing (or stuffing), sweet potatoes (with a pecan crust), white mashed potatoes (I peeled, cooked and mashed), cranberry sauce, white rolls (with oodles of butter), and if that wasn’t even pie (both cherry and pecan) with ice cream.

So, this article from Sharecare might help.

Item #1

Try ditching certain foods for a time.

The article suggests “We tell people to get rid of what we call BRPPS: that means no bread, rice, potato, pasta, and added sugars.” 

I’ve unfortunately recently added bread back into my diet.  I hid my toaster but brought it back.  When you live alone and have a whole loaf of bread on your counter, just popping a slice into the toaster, then slattered butter on it - and maybe jelly and peanut butter.

I have to grocery shop with better reasoning - don’t let the bad things into my apartment!!!

Item #2

Don’t skip meals

From the article “Skipping meals is one of the worst things you can do if you’re trying to shed pounds.  There’s a lot of data out there that shows that missing a meal increases your body’s hunger hormones and slows your metabolism down,”

I just purchased something that I hope can help me - a small microwave.  I love my crockpot, but from the recipes and cooking I do, I end up with leftovers (not necessarily a bad thing).  As it is, reheating leftovers in a pan on the stove becomes just a little tedious.  So, it is easier to skip a meal rather than reheating something. Do, you are at home working away (like on your blog or next novel - out soon), you can reheat something so quickly with a microwave.

Item #3

Watch your portion size.

The article suggests putting about the size of your hand on your plate.  If you only have big plates get some salad plates.  Yes, like most of us, my mother’s voice is in my head saying “Clean up your plate”.  (That was something combined with ‘think of all the starving children in Africa’ - I’m not quite sure why starving children in Africa should affect my cleaning my plate.  Maybe I should have boxed my leftovers up and sent them to Africa!!  I can imagine this: “Dear American Embassy in <place>.  Here are my leftovers from Thanksgiving dinner.  Can you please give them to starving children in your <location>?”

Item #4 Shop carefully

The article suggests shopping at the outside aisles of the grocery store.  “When you’re filling up your grocery cart, it’s best to opt for lean meats, seafood, dairy, and fresh produce. Most of these items are probably located around the perimeter of your grocery store.”

It also suggests that the inside aisles tend to have more processed foods, laden with sugar and salt.  

What about you?  Time to think about dieting so you can fit into your Santa suit in three weeks. Or that ugly Christmas sweater, you will dig out for the Christmas Party?

More tomorrow!!!

Hugs!!

(Slightly overweight) Karen