FRIDAY, OCTOBER 6, 2023 - MARRIAGE AND FORGIVENESS

 FRIDAY, OCTOBER 6, 2023 - MARRIAGE AND FORGIVENESS

I am amazed when I hear of marriage infidelity - the loyal person forgives the wandering spouse.  

Let’s first look at the Lord’s Prayer / Our Father Prayer:

Our Father, which art in heaven, Hallowed be thy Name. Thy Kingdom come. Thy will be done in earth, As it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread. And forgive us our trespasses, As we forgive them that trespass against us. And lead us not into temptation, But deliver us from evil. For thine is the kingdom, The power, and the glory, Forever. Amen.

And let’s pull out the two pertinent verses:

And forgive us our trespasses, As we forgive them that trespass against us.                                 

And the verse after the Lord’s Prayer from Matthew 6:14-15: “If you forgive those who sin against you, your heavenly Father will forgive you. But your Father will not forgive your sins if you refuse to forgive others.”

WHOA - TIME OUT!!!

If - you forgive those who sin against you, God will forgive YOU!!!

But - if you refuse to forgive others, GOD WILL NOT FORGIVE YOU!!!

So, your spouse is unfaithful - he (we’ll use the male form here) has committed adultery - he has had sexual relations with another woman. This demands that you (the loyal spouse) forgive him.

The loyal spouse, in all sincerity, says, “I can’t forgive him.”  

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But if you find that you are ready to let go and forgive, know that it comes with a slew of health benefits, experts say. Holding onto grudges traps you in a cycle of rumination, negative emotions, and stress.

Studies show that when people are in a happier state of mind, they take on a more empathetic and forgiving attitude towards people who have hurt them. Holding grudges, on the contrary, makes the person feel worse. 

It is possible to forgive a cheating husband, but it is usually not easy. Before we think of forgiving a cheating husband, we’ll need to assess if it’s actually doable.

Here are some steps that have been recommended

YOU MUST ACCEPT THAT IT HAPPENED

You cannot learn how to forgive your husband if you don’t accept the truth of what has happened. 

Being in denial can help you avoid immediate pain, but your relationship problems may eventually worsen. So, learn to accept that your partner has betrayed your trust because something is possibly wrong in your relationship. 

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BUT ACCEPTANCE CAN LEAD TO GREAT ANGER

“YOU CHEATED ON ME - You Jerk.” (Jerk is not the strongest one - there are others.)

Yes, I have accepted it - and now I want to smash your brains in with a skillet!!! 

Forgiveness means that you are better than this; you will not waste your energy and time holding on to the betrayals and anger, and instead, you will put that time and energy into recovering your marriage.

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A tough one - GIVE HIM SOME SPACE

Yes, you might want to hover - to watch his every move - he violated your trust. But, at some point, you have to develop that trust again.

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Another tough one - ACKNOWLEDGE YOUR PART

In most situations, the man strayed because you weren’t paying attention to him or nagging him.  

Your partner’s infidelity could be a symptom of a deeper problem in your marriage. Both you and your partner may have ignored these because of complacency or your busy schedule. Recognize your contribution to the problem and work on fixing things.

Proverbs 25:24 - “It’s better to live alone in the corner of an attic than with a quarrelsome wife in a lovely home. Maybe it was only me who thought she was being “quarrelsome” or nagging, but maybe she should have considered it.

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START FRESH

Forgiving is one thing. You can’t forget you looked at the previous steps - now - reset with communication standards in place.

Aside from that, my wife and I attended a marriage weekend many years ago. We didn’t follow through on a daily (probably nightly) random discussion question (from a set of communication questions).  

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Two notes:

(1) Yes, we divorced after 46 years of marriage. (2) Our communication was lacking. (I was scared I would have my head chopped off), (3) I did not cheat on her, and she did not cheat on me.

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More next Friday

LOVE WINS - even with two spouses that aren’t working together

LOVE TRANSFORMS - “Love lifted me”

KAREN ANNE WHITE, ©, OCTOBER 6, 2023