WEDNESDAY, OCTOBER 4, 2023 - MARRIAGE

 WEDNESDAY, OCTOBER 4, 2023 - MARRIAGE

Oh my, Karen - how can you write about this?

Mark 10:2-10:

“Some Pharisees came and tried to trap him with this question: “Should a man be allowed to divorce his wife?”

Jesus answered them with a question: “What did Moses say in the law about divorce?”

“Well, he permitted it,” they replied. “He said a man can give his wife a written divorce notice and send her away.”

But Jesus responded, “He wrote this commandment only as a concession to your hard hearts. But ‘God made them male and female’ from the beginning of creation. ‘This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.’ Since they are no longer two but one, let no one split apart what God has joined together.”

Later, when he was alone with his disciples in the house, they brought up the subject again. He told them, “Whoever divorces his wife and marries someone else commits adultery against her. And if a woman divorces her husband and marries someone else, she commits adultery.”

*****

On Friday, June 14, 1974, in Mason City, Iowa, in First Presbyterian ChurchI said these vows:

“I, Bruce, take thee, Connie, to be my wedded wife, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part, according to God’s holy ordinance; and thereto I pledge thee my faith.”

It was a solemn vow - a legal and binding pledge. I was 26 years old, Connie was 23 years old. It was a vow between us and God. Yes, there was a minister, but we didn’t pledge to the minister - but to God and each other.  

*****

We made it to 46 years of marriage until Connie instigated divorce proceedings. Yes, I had changed, and yes, she had changed. We both had changed multiple times. Each new day, we were slightly different, slightly older. We were wiser - but that may not have been true.  

I did not fight the divorce. I was not in favor of it because I had made a vow. But I had changed (and she had changed).  

I was smacked with a two-by-four board, had a ton of bricks fall on me, and got run over with a steam engine. And, I say it was of “God”. I had been an egotistical, judgmental person, and I am being humbled and reshaped every day into a person of love, forgiveness, gratitude, happiness, and JOY!!!

BANG - My brain was different. And, when I acted on my brain impulses, my body also got different.  

I don’t blame Connie - I was too radically different to continue. She didn’t want to be in a lesbian marriage (two married women). But the divorce happened.

My near family only had one divorce (an uncle), and the same with Connie’s family (her sister). When we married, we were married for life. That’s the way it was supposed to be.

*****

Many of the people I now associate with have been married and divorced. It is the norm. It could be old age - two people are no longer in love and thus opt to end the marriage arrangement.  

I’ve read of “gray divorce,” and that divorce among seniors is higher than in other age groups. 

Just “the way it is”.  

I quoted Christian scripture - “Since they are no longer two but one, let no one split apart what God has joined together.” 

I see Bernie and Barbara frequently at the nursing home. They both are in the 90s. Bernie is friendly and outgoing, and we chat. Barbara has dementia, and her brain is closing down. Bernie walks about half a mile daily to spend time with her. He talks to her, he walks with her (in her wheelchair), he holds her hand. Some Sunday afternoons, they (Bernie and Barbara - but 97% Bernie) talk with their two boys in different parts of the United States. It touches me that they are still honoring their vows of “for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part.” My parents were married for 70 years. (And, in love to the end).

Is marriage ‘dead’? Is love ‘dead’? Not in my opinion.

I have bought the concept that love doesn’t end. Love (and God) are eternal, God is infinite, and humans are not eternal and not infinite (in this world, anyway).  

Carly Simon sang “That’s The Way I’ve Always Heard It Should Be” (1971)

 With the chorus of:
“But you say it’s time we moved in together

And raised a family of our own, you and me -

Well, that’s the way I’ve always heard it should be:

You want to marry me, we’ll marry.

But, LOVE goes on - in spite of human foibles and stupidity - and LOVE WINS.

LOVE does TRANSFORM US - if we allow it. 
LOVE makes us stronger - if we live it

KAREN ANNE WHITE, ©, OCTOBER 4, 2023