WEDNESDAY, JULY 28, 2021 SELF LOVE (CONTINUED)
‘LOVE YOUR NEIGHBOR AS YOURSELF.’ No other commandment is greater than these.”
Now, you don’t have to be a Christian, or religious at all to read that statement. Yes, it did come from Jesus - the Christian Messiah, but taking that as a ‘reasonable’ statement - to live in this world, you need to get along with your neighbors - in fact, to LOVE your neighbors. I don’t really want to be too religious today, but in Luke 10:25-37 Jesus tells the story of a good Samaritan who took care of an injured man that he didn’t know until that day. The statement becomes - “and who is my neighbor”, and the implied answer is “everybody” is my neighbor.
So, if I take this statement with some confidence, I get the impression that (a) I need to love myself, and once I’ve done that (b) I can love my neighbor - and really love everybody.
The first part is the hardest - how do I love myself? After all, I’m in this skin 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year. I know what stupid things I have done. I know my mistakes. I know my thoughts - so even when I’m smiling at somebody, I might be thinking “what a jerk”!!!
But, the classic battle of “nature” (environment) versus “nurture” (family) does happen to affect who we are and our self love.
Scenario: I was in the grocery store and a lady with a child was in the same aisle. The child picked up a sugary cereal and put it into the cart. The mother screamed at the child “You are a terrible child”, “I hate you”, “You are worthless”, and similar abasing, negative comments. She smacked the child on his/her face and the child started to cry. The mother continued “Stop that crying this instant or I will give you something to really cry about”.
There are families where child abuse is rampant. This scenario has verbal abuse and physical abuse. A dad physically beats a child even so the child has to go to the emergency room and then has to lie “I fell down the stairs”.
As the child grows, he or she learns to keep out of sight, be so meek and not confront the parent. He or she learns that talking back will get a slap, a kick, or worse. By the time the child gets on his or her own, it has been so programmed into them that the only way to raise children is to cower over them, abuse them, beat them.
And, how in the world does such a child learn “Love your neighbors like yourself”, because he or she hasn’t learned “self love”. The child has been yelled at for so long, to be treated positively is foreign to them. And then that child marries and has children and “knows” exactly how to raise obedient children - yell, scream, smack them.
Sometimes alcohol or drugs can be the problem - (I’ll use ‘dad’ but it could be ‘mom’ as well). Dad comes home drunk - he has spent his money on “good times”, and is mad at himself but takes it out on his kids.
*****
I know of women who were abused by their fathers - they have gone through a lot of therapy (and thus, a lot of money). Finally, through a supernatural action, they forgive their father. It isn’t easy to forgive a monster.
Like those who suffered through concentration camps during World War II - having to face their captors, having to forgive Hitler and the Holocaust, is just too hard. How do you learn self love when you would rather commit those same acts on the perpetrators if you had the chance.
Love your neighbor as yourself? Impossible if you don’t love yourself. You have been told over and over you are no good, you are worthless, you are scum - and now you need to forgive and love your father (or captors)? Pretty much impossible.
There tends to be the passing of abuse on from one generation to the next. My grandfather beat my father, my father beat me, therefore I “must” beat my sons in order for them to be “real men” when they grow up.
The cycle of hatred needs to be broken. My particular viewpoint is that it needs some divine intervention from how ever you see God/Infinite Being/Source/The Force. Otherwise, you will not be able to love your neighbor, you will not be able to love yourself. Tough lessons. How can you forgive?
And, it doesn’t have to be abuse that causes you to doubt your value, your self worth, and your self love. It could be estrangement - a division by politics or religion or social identification that has caused you to lose your self love. But, even then you may need that divine intervention to understand that you, too, are a child of God, made in the image and likeness of God, and whatever others might say, you, too, are worthy of His (Her) Love and Grace.
I believe that Love does win - but you need to get to that love.
Tomorrow - one more day of self-love!!
HUGS
Karen
