FRIDAY, DECEMBER 23, 2022, SPIRITUAL THOUGHTS ON DYING

 FRIDAY, DECEMBER 23, 2022, SPIRITUAL THOUGHTS

This afternoon I am spending six hours with three patients.  I’ve seen all three before.

The first one is JF.  This is the third time I’ve been with her.  The first time she was asleep and I was scheduled for an hour and she didn’t wake up (easy shift); the second time she was awake for a while and I helped with lunch.  We prayed before lunch and sang “Oh Come All Ye Faithful” and then she told me (she didn’t ‘ask’) to stop singing - and boom, she was asleep.  Let’s hope we can talk today.  She is in the skilled nursing facility on hospice care.  

The second is BP.  This is the third time I’ve been with her as well.  The first time she was awake and we made up a fun and fanciful story - that involved the 3 bears, Hansel and Gretel, Little Red Riding Hood, and the Big Rock Candy Mountain.  The second time we talked a little before she fell asleep.  She too is in hospice care.  I hope we can have a meaningful Christmas discussion today.

The third is BZ.  I’ve seen her many times in the past year - but not as a direct patient.  She is in the memory care unit.  She doesn’t talk much.  In the past, I’ve helped cut up her meal and help feed her.  She also seems to sleep a lot.  I want to take her to the piano and do some Christmas songs with her.  

*****

We all die someday.  These three are closer to death than some that I see.  What can I give to them as they face death?  Yes, I will pray with all three (if they are awake - and pray quietly on my own if they are not awake).  

I will talk about Christmases of the past, and maybe read the Christmas Story from Luke 2.  What do you say to a dying person?  Can I help keep their spirits “merry and bright”?  Can I reinforce their value - even as a dying person?  

A colleague (Roger Reed) from Dakota State taught a sociology class on “Death and Dying”.  Maybe I can find some online references for my use today.  

*****

Yes, we all die someday.  I don’t think I will be holding their hands while they take their last breath, but I want to be both realistic and loving.  Do I pray “May God heal you?” when that probably isn’t going to happen?  Or am I blunt “Hey <name> You are dying.  This might be the last time I see you”.

Here are a few tips that I found on the internet that may help manage mental and emotional needs:

*****

Provide physical contact. Try holding hands or a gentle massage.

I haven’t done much with holding hands, other than when I pray.  I like this suggestion.

Set a comforting mood. Some people prefer quiet moments with fewer people. Use soft lighting in the room.

 

 

Play music at a low volume. This can help with relaxation and lessen pain.

JF is from a Catholic background.  We can listen to some Christmas Music that is more in the Catholic tradition.

BP is a Methodist, so again I can use some standard Christmas Carols.  I can “borrow” a hymnal and sing.

BZ is a Lutheran, so again, Christmas Music

Involve the dying person. If the person can still communicate, ask them what they need.

I do have a craft we can do.  I’ve made a paper chain with red and white loops.  I can also write their names on one of the white loops and then the names of others.  I also got alphabet characters we can string out like a bracelet.

Be present. Visit with the person. Talk or read to them, even if they can’t talk back. If they can talk, listen attentively to what they have to say without worrying about what you will say next. Your presence can be the greatest gift you can give to a dying person.

Yes, my presence is a ‘present’ for them.  For two of these people, the only people they see regularly are nurses and staff.  

For people nearing the end of life, spiritual needs may be as important as their physical concerns. Spiritual needs may include finding meaning in one's life, ending disagreements with others, or making peace with life circumstances. The dying person might find comfort in resolving unsettled issues with friends or family. Visits from a social worker or a counselor may help.

Many people find solace in their faith. Others may struggle with their faith or spiritual beliefs. Praying, reading religious texts, or listening to religious music may help. The person can also talk with someone from their religious community, such as a minister or priest.

I do pray with my clients - if they are willing.  One lady that I normally see is not particularly religious, so I don’t pray with her.

We are all God’s children - from the baby to the senior person in hospice.  From the worst felon in prison to the holiest living saint, we are still God's children.  And, in mind understanding, God has an infinite love for me and for you and for them.  

We are used to finite things.  There are only 8 slices to the pie, once they are gone, the pie is gone.  But, God has a pie so infinitely big that we can have a slice and another slice, and another slice, and another slide - and the pie will never run out.  Or, God can LOVE ME and give HIS full attention (Her/Its/The Force/Ahh) whole heart and He can love you with His whole heart and full attention to you.  That’s the glory of infinite love, infinite grace, infinite joy, infinite hope, and infinite mercy.  It never runs dry!!!

LOVE WINS

LOVE TRANSFORMS
KAREN ANNE WHITE, ©, December 23, 2022