Be Careful of what you say - Part I

 Watching what we say

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/how-do-life/201707/watch-what-you-say

What we say can have big implications.  Today’s article from Psychology Today shows some examples from a counselor of verbal mistakes.

But, to Psychology Today - “Watch what we say!!”

For today’s discussion, I’m going to use a scenario I am familiar with - hiring a new faculty member - or comments around people. 

The article seems to suggest that we don’t say ANYTHING!!

Comment 1 to avoid”

From the article “ “I believe the most qualified person should get the job.” 

Absolutely!!!  There is nothing wrong with that statement!!!  Well, that could be construed as elitist and racial.  (Or, at least from what the article says). Maybe really, the “most qualified person” (for an academic position) is a white male, with lots of academic publications, on various academic journal review boards, great teaching evaluations - AND - the whole academic department is made up of white males!!  Yes, that person might be the most qualified - but should you consider a black or female (or a black female) to broaden the diversity of the department?

Question 2 to avoid

“Where are you from?” 

You say - nothing wrong with that - that might be a question I’d ask any new person I met - but the article suggests The argument is that that question implies “You’re not one of us,” - and you won’t fit in.  Maybe all of your faculty are from the Upper Midwest - and your candidate is from India or Bangladesh or even from Southern California with a Hispanic accent.   

Statement 3 to avoid

““This workgroup could use fresh blood.”

Hey - that is absolutely true - we are getting stale and fresh blood, fresh ideas would be great to get our ideas flowing again!!  So, what is wrong with that?  Well, you just cut off seniors and experienced people. That is ‘age discrimination’!!!

Comment 4 to avoid

“"I’m pleased with how our Latino employees are performing."

Well, I am pleased - we have some good people working for us.  And, I want to let them know how proud I am of our Latino employees.

Well, the article suggests that is being patronizing. Better not to mention race, gender, disability, and sexual orientation!!

Comment 5 to avoid:

“A client told me he was on a team with a person who is morbidly obese.”

The article notes that was an example from a weight-loss organization.  The person said  "When I'm in a meeting with her there, and we're discussing our client base, should I describe the people as 'fat,' 'obese,' or 'people of size?'"  The suggestion is to avoid the terms and say “Our client base.”

Comment 6 to avoid:

In the article, the author is with a client and an employee extolled the virtues of a political client - the employee was too strong in his proclamations and it made the client uneasy (probably of a different political viewpoint).  So, don’t talk about politics!!

Comment 7 to avoid:

"Millions of poor people have risen from poverty. Look what the penniless Holocaust survivors and Vietnamese immigrants and their kids have done in a mere one generation, mostly on their own.”

Whoa - what is wrong with that?  It has implications beyond the praise for those mentioned.  Yes, Holocaust survivors and Vietnamese immigrants have done well - but in effect, you are saying “But our poor blacks have failed to advance” (the article uses a very negative term here)

Comment 8 small talk to avoid

“I’m having a romantic dinner with candles”

WHAT- that is so nice!!!  How can that be wrong?  Well, to an environmentalist, candles produce green-house gasses - it would be better to have electric candles (at least according to the article) 

The end result according to this author?

“Of course, we all sometimes choose to discuss the controversial when we feel it’s worth the risk. This article merely proposes that there are more minefields than ever. Step carefully.

Last week, inadvertently, I said or wrote something that was interpreted as negative to a political candidate.  My friend thought I was negative and hateful.  I’m not sure - BUT - I do need to be sensitive and I will be careful.  

(Humor: Aside - I am finding that I even need to be careful when I am bidding in bridge.  Saying “No Trump” could be construed as a political statement that is negative to one of the candidates!!)

I hope these next comments aren’t controversial:

LOVE WINS!!!

Hugs!!  (But, you can’t hug during this pandemic!!!)

Karen