FRIDAY, FEBRUARY 4, 2022 - LOVE WINS WITH RELATIONSHIPS

 FRIDAY, FEBRUARY 4, 2022 - LOVE WINS WITH RELATIONSHIPS

 

John Maxwell, a leadership expert, states, “People do not care how much you know until they know how much you care.” In other words, before you attempt to direct, you must connect.

An author wrote:

“One day, my younger brother and I had a heated disagreement over the phone. After I got off the phone, my conscience was bothering me, and I defended myself, thinking, I know I was right. Instantly, the Holy Spirit spoke to me. “You were right. But were you kind?”

Often, it’s how we present our side of the argument that makes the difference between our audience truly hearing us or not. We may be saying all the right things, but presenting them in an unloving, harsh, or bitter way. We must be sure to examine our motives in advising others. Are we trying to control them, or beat them in some way? Or rather, as Christ does, are we attempting to persuade them in love to make the best choice for everyone involved? 

Sometimes, winning the argument is not as important as maintaining a relationship. Think before you speak. Think today about whether or not there are relationships in your life that have been damaged by your impulsive speech. What will it take to restore them? At the end of the day, you can never be responsible for what another person says or does. What you’re accountable for to God, though, is your thoughts, words, actions, and motives. Ask God to examine your heart today, and bring anything to your attention that doesn’t line up with Him.

*****

OKAY - I WAS WRONG and I know it. So what do I do?
(Or, I don’t think in the big picture of life that my mistake is all that bad.  Like on a scale of 1 to 10, my mistake was a two. I WAS WRONG, but I am digging a deep hole by trying to defend myself- why am I so prideful.)

1. Admit The Mistake To Yourself

People make mistakes (last week I talked about two mistakes I made and how I was sorry). I WAS WRONG.  (Caveat - don’t go too heavy on yourself - don’t jump off the bridge because you made a mistake - but do take it to heart!!!) 

2. Tame Your Pride

(I once thought that pride was a male thing - but I think all people have some pride).  There are times when you HAVE to work this out.  I WAS WRONG <period>.  Now, this takes real work.  Being wrong is a binary situation - you were or you weren’t.  If I said I’d be someplace by 3:00 and I show up at 3:10, I was wrong.  I can justify this (traffic was bad, all the stoplights were against me, they were doing road work on Williams Drive and that slowed me down).  I WAS WRONG to be late!!!

3. Admit Your Mistake To The Offended Person

Honestly and openly ADMIT you messed up. I WAS WRONG.

4. Make Your Apology Simple And Straightforward

Don’t go on about how it just happened and rationalize the mistake.  Get to the point - and be honest - and humble about it.  Don’t be like my grandchildren when they were five and asked to “tell your sister you are sorry”, and it became a sing-song apology - sorry, sorry, sorry.  The person you hurt will sense if you are sincere!!  I WAS WRONG.

5. Express How You’ll Do Better

“I WAS WRONG”. “I wasn’t thinking of you when I did this.  I was stupid”.  “Next time I’m in this situation I’m going to be honest and do the right thing”. 

6. Make It Up To The Person You’ve Wronged

In many religious approaches to sin and mistakes, you are expected to do some penance.  Eat Crow!!!  Sit in the corner with a dunce hat on for an hour.  (That might not work, but find a real meaningful way to make it up.).  I was wrong - how can I make this up for you?  Dinner at their favorite restaurant that ISN’T your favorite restaurant. (Aside - I have a friend that thinks scallops. Oysters, Calamari, and other seafood is heavenly.  I know I need to go there and order something that is passable for me so she can have the wonderful meal she wants!!!)

7. Do Not Make Excuses

You screwed up (or … I WAS WRONG).  Don’t blame the weather or the traffic (more than once).  If you are habitually late - you have really screwed up - get on the road early enough - make sure you end your previous engagement on time to get home for dinner.  “I just couldn’t get out of the office” might work now and then, but don’t make it a habit to make excuses.  “I messed up, I’m sorry”.

8. Avoid Committing The Same Mistake Again.  In my classes, I used a joke “You learn from your mistakes.  That’s why I am so smart” (implying I have made a ‘boatload’ of mistakes!!!)

9. Make The Mistake A Learning Experience.  On Tuesday evenings I have orchestra rehearsal.  It isn’t a long drive, but I-35 is always slow.  I need to learn from it, go a different route, leave earlier.  What is my time worth?  Get out the door on time.  

*****

In most of these, I used the statement “I WAS WRONG”. I don’t like saying that.  After all, I’m a professor.  I am NOT GOD - I make mistakes.  (In my thoughts, words, and deeds - in what I have done and what I haven’t done).

Many churches will have a time for people to reflect on the things they’ve done wrong - the people they hurt, the stupid things.  Be honest with yourself.  Don’t hide as a sanctimonious “angel”.  

Karen

February 4, 2022

(Personal - in my background, I’m expected to go periodically into a little room with a clergyperson and confess my failures.  It is humiliating - and at the end, so refreshing.  I WAS WRONG - and I told somebody about it.)