MONDAY, FEBRUARY 7, 2022, WHAT IS LOVE - PERSONAL MEMORIES - PART I

 MONDAY, FEBRUARY 7, 2022 WHAT IS LOVE - PERSONAL MEMORIES - PART I

For the next four days (plus next Monday), I’m going to be writing about LOVE - leading up to next Monday - Valentine’s Day.  Today - “What is Love?”

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Well - a good place to start is with the definitions:

LOVE AS A NOUN

1. an intense feeling of deep affection.  "babies fill parents with feelings of love"
   synonyms: deep affection · fondness · tenderness · warmth · intimacy 

2. a great interest and pleasure in something.  "his love for football"
   Synonyms: liking · weakness · partiality · bent · leaning · proclivity · inclination

3. a person or thing that one loves.  "she was the love of his life"
   Synonyms: beloved · loved one · love of one's life · dear · dearest · dear one

LOVE AS A VERB

4. feel deep affection for (someone)   "he loved his sister dearly"
   Synonyms: be in love with · be infatuated with · be smitten with · be besotted with

5. like or enjoy very much.  "I just love dancing"
   Synonyms: like very much · delight in · enjoy greatly · have a passion for

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Well, that’s a start

HOW ABOUT THE GREEK WORDS FOR LOVE:

Agape - This word was used in Greek literature to refer to someone who was generously favored by a god.  Love for others.  Part of the LOVE WINS concept.   It has the idea of a person giving all his or her love or favor to another. It was used to speak of parents giving all of their love to their only child. So in the New Testament, it is used to make the same point. God gives each of us all of His love.  C. S. Lewis described agape love as “gift love” - Christian Love.

Phileo - This Greek word has the idea of deep friendship or emotional love. While AGAPE emphasizes the complete giving of love to another person, PHILEO emphasizes the affection, emotion, and fondness one person has for another.  Another way to think of this is the city of Philadelphia - the City of Brotherly Love.  

Eros - EROS refers to sexual passion - including love between a husband and wife. It is more than sexual ecstasy because it also includes embraces, longing, and caring.

LUDUS - Ludus could mean the playful love between children, but it was more often termed as the flirtation between casual lovers—it represents the excitement of the early stages of a relationship. When you sit at a bar drinking cocktails with friends, flirt with a stranger, or engage in a holiday fling your carefree attitude is fueled by feelings of Ludus.

Of all the Greek words for love, this one is most associated with embracing the moment. Playfulness is often lost in the later stages of romantic relationships yet it’s an essential ingredient that keeps the innocence of true love alive.

STERGO - Stergo (or Storge) -primarily refers to love between parents and children. It sometimes refers to love between people and their ruler and to love between a dog and its owner.  It can be a one-way love - parents love their baby but the baby isn’t quite capable of loving them back.  (Or a pet owner can love their pet)

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PERSONAL REFLECTIONS (mostly EROS) 

I grew up (as you did too), with the word LOVE being pervasive.  I heard my parents say frequently “I love you” - to me, to my sister, and to each other.  (I’m assuming ‘Phileo’ here or ‘stergo’.).  I never felt unloved growing up (unless I did something wrong and was being disciplined).  I can’t quite remember the circumstance, but I remember saying something like “Beth’s brother was naughty”.  Beth - my sister had one brother - so instead of saying “I was naughty”, I went the long way around!!!  I find I do this yet - like in a conversation with just me and another person of saying something like “Somebody in this room <some phrase>” - like “Somebody in this room really loves sweets” - instead of saying “I like sweets”!!!

And, I did love!!  I love peanut butter, I love ice cream.  I love classical music, I love being alive, I love being a woman!!!!

I suppose around puberty “love” took on another meaning.  I didn’t really date in high school.  I did take a girl to the senior prom - as I was somehow expected to do that.  (And, I went as a date to a cousin’s senior prom so she had a date!!).  And, puberty is the time when sexual arousal begins.

By the time I entered college (1965), we had the Beatles with “I want to hold your hand”.  A group named “We five” sang “When I woke up this morning, You were on my mind”, and I remembered a girl I kinda liked.  Of course, the Rolling Stones accentuated this with “Let’s spend the night together, now I need you more than ever” - seeming pointing at a sexual tryst.

I wanted LOVE - I wanted a girlfriend, I saw couples kissing and hugging.  I felt I was missing out.  When the hippy subculture emerged with “free love” - and I “knew” I was left out as a virgin!!  (Oh oh - sexual love - EROS).  [Okay - this might be deleted later.  In my freshman year, a girl in my English class seemed to be interested in me and we had a small ‘affair’.  I remember standing in the entry to the men’s dorm lobby and making out.  Naive as I was, this was pretty neat and I hoped it would last.  But, a few days later she said she had a regular boyfriend and she was being unfair to him - so I was dropped.].  

I had joined a social fraternity in my second semester and we had major events - like the annual “White Rose” banquet.  I was expected to get a date and be with the guys at a fancy restaurant. Many of the older guys had steady girlfriends and stayed the night in a hotel with them.  I didn’t have such “luck”.  

So the:” rest of the world” was having free love and I was intimidated to even ask a girl out!!!  (And, most of you know me as the outgoing, happy-go-lucky professor!!!)  And, I was naive.  I remember liking a girl I saw at the cafeteria and “about” trying to call her and then not calling her.  Finally, I called her for an event and she was busy.  

But, I was learning how to date.  By the end of my sophomore year, I had a girlfriend and wrote that summer (and broke up when we got back to school in the fall).  In my junior year, I had a ‘steady’ date - not romantic in the least, but a good company for those fraternity events.

(I’m not sure where this is heading, but I’ll have more tomorrow!!!)

LOVE - AGAPE, PHILEO, EROS - DOES WIN!!!

Karen 

February 7, 2022