THURSDAY, MAY 12, 2022 - DOMESTIC VIOLENCE

 THURSDAY, MAY 12, 2022 - DOMESTIC VIOLENCE

This week I’ve been looking at violence - mostly violence between people.  The concept is there is a “Spiral of Violence” - Violence begets Violence. An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth.  Paybacks.  You hurt me, I hurt you.

Today, I’m writing about domestic violence.

To be honest, I know little about domestic violence.  My parents rarely fought (or disagreed away from my sister and me).  They did really love each other.  My ex-wife and I did disagree on occasions - but never to the point of blows or hurtful anger.

I know of some domestic violence - from verbal violence to physical violence.

One source said:

“Domestic violence is one of the disturbing problems of society. Domestic violence occurs in all countries, regardless of culture and education, regardless of religion, and there is no exception for rich or poor. Almost every day on newspapers, radio, and television, regrettable news related to domestic violence is published. So the question is what we can do to contribute to reducing the violence in the family.

“There are many reasons for the domestic violence, from the family does not have normal function, to the lack of communication, the provocation of a spouse, the psychological repression of a person, or other stimulants, such as alcohol, drugs, the lack of spiritual life, or the economic difficulties, etc. The study results on domestic violence proved that those who commit acts of violence often want to overpower others.

“Domestic violence often comes with a high proportion in families with special problems such as economic difficulties, low levels of education, illness, unemployment, drunk, or addictions. However, this does not mean that rich families or intellectuals will have no violence. Moreover, there are different forms of violence that “outsiders” are difficult to identify. Such violence can happen between parents and children, often reflected through the educational style with harsh punishments. It can be acts of beating, starving, humiliating, or verbally abusing victims in many forms.

SOME FORMS OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE

– Physical Violence: The actions directly impact the health of the victim.

These can be hitting, pushing the victim down the stairs, or even cutting or burning the victim.  

– Sexual Violence: The victims will be forced to have sex without their agreement. Even in marriage situations, there are cases of rape where the man will abuse his wife when she is not interested in sex.  There are cases of adult/children sexual violence - where (generally) the man (dad), forces his child (or step-child), to have sex with him.

– Mental Violence: The abuser tells the abused person they are no good, they are worthless. In later years this can show up as depression.  Deep inside the person, who seems to be well adjusted, views herself as inferior and defective.  

*****

One of my friends was abused by her father as a child.  He would fly into a rage and hit her.  She indicated that at one point he was so mad that he beat his son with a chain which eventually led to the boy’s death.

““The scars from mental cruelty can be as deep and long-lasting as wounds from punches or slaps but are often not as obvious. In fact, even among women who have experienced violence from a partner, half or more report that the man’s emotional abuse is what is causing them the greatest harm.” 

*****

OKAY - IT HAPPENS - HOW CAN WE STOP IT?  (I don’t want to go into specifics here)

1. Take Part In A Domestic Violence Program Or Group: 

2. Ask Physicians And Health Care Professionals: 

3. Bring The Community Together And Discuss: 

4. Protect Women: 

5. Use Social Media To Propagate:

6. Build Up Non-Violent Responses When Having Conflicts:

There are many options available - but many can be scary.  

SCENARIO:

Let’s say a man abuses his wife and beats and hits her frequently.  She hears of a woman’s safe house in the community and manages to get out of the house (possibly with her children) and to the safe house.  First - she knows she is safe - but for how long?

If she goes back to work (assuming she has a job), will her husband show up and drag her home?  Will he go to the kids' school and take them away from her as an “unfit mother”?

In most cases, the man will plead and beg for forgiveness.  “I’m so sorry.  Things have been tough at work, etc.”.  But once she returns home, the abuse starts again.  

The abuser needs to change.

There are programs and counseling that can help.  Alcoholics Anonymous has a well-tested 12-step method for alcohol (and drug) abuse.  Other organizations have similar programs for sexual addiction, abuse addiction, and more.  The abuser needs a new foundation for his life.

Karen adds:  I believe in transformation.  Romans 12:2 says “Be transformed by the renewing of your mind”.  I know of transformation.  But at the heart of the transformation is the need and desire of the person to be transformed.  You MUST be willing to change.  You MUST acknowledge that you are addicted and can’t control yourself at times.  

I also believe that true transformation can only come with divine intervention.  God - however you view God - Father, Great Mother, Great Spirit, Holy Spirit, The Force - He/she/it - can work from inside out.  But one must be yielded to get on one’s knees and seek divine help!!!

*****

Transformation begins with a true confession.  Be it formal Confession to a priest/clergy, or more information confession to a trained counselor.  “I was wrong” is a good place to start!!!

Karen 

May 12, 2022