WEDNESDAY, APRIL 5, 2023 - DEATH -FUNERALS, CREMATION, AND MORE

 WEDNESDAY, APRIL 5, 2023 - DEATH -FUNERALS, CREMATION, AND MORE

My client at my senior housing facility JF - died on Saturday, April 1st.  I saw her on Friday, March 31, 2023.  On that last day, I helped feed her, with another aide, we bathed her in the bed, changed her clothes, and changed her linens. I also prayed with her.  

On Sunday, April 2nd, I stopped by her room, and it was empty.  I met her brother-in-law and sister in the hallway who were cleaning the last few things from her room, and saying thank you to the staff.  

I’ve lost three residents in my year-and-one-half at this job.  Death comes to all of us.  

I am really a stranger to death.  My maternal grandparents died and I wasn’t there; my parents died and I wasn’t there (but my fantastic sister was).  I’ve been to visitations (sometimes called wakes).  I’ve been to funerals, and I’ve heard the words, “I am the resurrection and the life”.  I’ve heard words of encouragement from families and friends.  I’ve been to funerals that were celebrations.  (My parent’s funerals were a celebration of longevity - my mother died at 98 and my father at 97).  

Funerals are very natural events.  It is a “closing of the books” or a “final farewell”.  I don’t imagine it makes much difference to the deceased!!  It allows family and friends to say “goodbye” to the person. Many church funerals (and some funerals at funeral homes) have lunch as a good way to visit with the family and make a comment on how the person affected their life.  At the end of the dinner, the family can retreat someplace and have time for their own reflections.

The family has choices for the funeral.  One of the choices is traditional or cremation.  At one point, some religious traditions said ‘no’ to cremation.  My view is that God - who is all-powerful and knows every person (and every atom) can somehow piece together the pieces if a unified body is needed.  For Christians, there is a thought that we will have a resurrected body.  

For a traditional funeral, families need to pick a casket.  There is an old riddle about caskets -: the man who built it doesn't want it, the man who bought it doesn't need it, and the man who needs it doesn't know it. 

Caskets can be expensive - and only visible for a few hours.  There is a thought that just a pine box would work.  A quick scan showed caskets from $800 and up!!! (There was even a pine box from $900)

Cremation is generally cheaper than a traditional funeral. My research showed this can be as little as about $400 and up.  There is a “direct cremation” when the body is cremated and the ashes are directly returned to the family. There are still considerations - like what type of urn would be the best.  Sometimes urns sit on fireplace mantles or in prominent places in a home.  Sometimes they go into a special box in a cemetery.  (I won’t care - I’ll be dead and gone).

Then it may be that the deceased has ideas for his or her funeral - like music, scripture, who is to give the eulogy?  

I am thinking about Grieg’s Last Spring where the person muses is this the last spring for me (before death), or the finale to Tchaikowsky’s Sixth Symphony - slow and dying off to nothing in the music (and maybe also for me).  Or, Stravinsky’s Firebird where in the finale, the Firebird comes back to glorious life (a resurrection!!!)

I would like (depending on when) to have my children say a few words, and maybe one or two of my grandchildren.

I’m not sure if I want my funeral in a church or a funeral home setting.  I want to be cremated.  Some plan on where their ashes will be.  Maybe on a Quaas family farm in Iowa, maybe on the Dakota State University grounds in Madison South Dakota.  

I have two friends that I helped line up donating their bodies to a university medical school (in this case, Quinnipiac University).  If my body can be used by students that would be good.  I’ve already signed up as an organ donor.  (Does any physician want to use 75-year-old parts?)  I have a thought about donating my tuba (I don’t have an “organ” to donate) to a family where the youngest son would like to play the tuba.

*****

The end result is that a person is dead.  It seems fitting to recognize this fact, have a service of some nature and finalize the relationship of this person to this earth.

Do you have plans for your funeral?  Are they specified in your will?  

LOVE WINS

LOVE TRANSFORMS

KAREN ANNE WHITE, ©, APRIL 5, 2023