THURSDAY, MAY 11, 2023 - LONELINESS CONTINUED

From Monday’s Blog (and news source):

America's top doctor declares LONELINESS an epidemic and warns it's as deadly as smoking 15 cigarettes a day

• Being lonely is as bad for you as smoking 15 cigarettes a day, the advisory said

• US surgeon general Vivek Murthy said: 'Answer that phone call from a friend

TODAY - helping yourself when you get lonely, and helping a friend when they are lonely.

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First - let’s get a definition from an expert:

“But, what is loneliness, exactly? Simply put, "it's the discrepancy between what you have and what you want from your relationships,"

ADMIT YOU ARE LONELY

Now, that can be easier said than done.  There seems to be a stigma about being lonely - “Nobody likes me, I guess I’ll go eat worms”.  (So, that means, I walk around with a glum face - it is my duty to make sure nobody is having a good time!!)

REMIND YOURSELF - IT’S NOT JUST YOU

Remember Eleanor Rigby from the Beatles:

All the lonely people
Where do they all come from?
All the lonely people
Where do they all belong?

“ALL” - there are a lot of lonely people out there.

BE REALISTIC

Maybe sometime in the past when you were feeling lonely, you called a friend and went to lunch together, or went shopping (retail therapy!!).  But, maybe that isn’t going to work this time.  Maybe everybody is busy, and nobody has time for lunch or shopping.  

Or, you get to lunch and it is just boring and you feel (if anything) worse off.   Be realistic - not every baseball player gets a hit every time, and not every solution for loneliness works every time

DON’T DENY OR DISTANCE YOURSELF

Simon and Garfunkel sang:

I have my books
And my poetry to protect me
I am shielded in my armor
Hiding in my room safe within my womb
I touch no one and no one touches me
I am a rock I am an island

And a rock feels no pain

And an island never cries

We are not islands - we do feel pain, we do cry.  

SMILE

One suggestion was to look in a mirror and smile at yourself (but that might be too cheesy).  “Just thinking of a time when you were feeling giddy will automatically bring a smile to your face—a move that will set off all those feel-good neurotransmitters in your brain and trick you into feeling happier than you were just a few seconds before. Once you're feeling a little better, hold onto that feeling by leaning into something that makes you feel really good, such as cracking open your favorite book or going for a run.

GET A PET

I have three friends who live alone and have pets.  MN has a dog and a cat (the dog is a “princess”); RG has two cats; BK has a dog (“Molly”) and BK will tell you that Molly is a pain, under that exterior, she KNOWS that Molly is a fantastic companion

GO FOR A WALK

Okay, I like to walk.  Thinking about the last suggestion (pet), dogs need to go outside - and in most neighborhoods, unless you have a fenced yard - that means YOU have to take a walk too!!!

TAKE A SOCIAL RISK

I’ve done this a lot of times.  There are MEET-UP groups for almost every interest.  I showed up for about six weeks at the library for the knitting and crochet group.  (Then the time changed and it conflicted with my bridge group - where I had just shown up one morning to play bridge).  I saw a sign and walked into a Granny Basketball practice.  (They were surprised!!!) 

MAKE A SCHEDULE AND STICK TO IT

I’m looking around my room and I NEED a schedule.  I can be a free spirit and putting a structure in my life would be great for me.  (“Hey Karen, it is 11:00 - time to mop the kitchen floor”, “Karen, it is 2:00 - water the plants on the porch)

JOIN A CLUB / TAKE A CLASS

Many libraries will have Book Clubs - sign up - and even if you don’t like the book, you’ll get to know others and can suggest (yes - get out of your lonely comfort zone) having a cup of coffee after your session.

Yesterday by the Beatles:

Yesterday all my troubles seemed so far away
Now it looks like they are here to stay
I believe in yesterday

And, finally, if it is debilitating - get a counselor (depending on your financial status there might even be some community-based counselors for a low price or free).

Get out a LOVE - because LOVE WINS, and because LOVE TRANSFORMS (your loneliness into joy).

KAREN ANNE WHITE, ©, MAY 11, 2023