TUESDAY, MARCH 19, 2024

 TUESDAY, MARCH 19, 2024 - HELPING A FRIEND WITH DEPRESSION

One of the things buried inside is the desire to help a spouse or friend. If a friend has fallen, we will take them to a hospital or clinic to see if there are broken bones. If a friend has cancer, we will take them to appointments and chemotherapy. If a friend has heart disease, we will spend time - laughing with them and trying to cheer them up.

It isn’t different when a spouse or friend is depressed. “How can I help?” is the question on the tip of our tongues.

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First - back to our article for a while: https://www.everydayhealth.com/depression-pictures/ways-to-help-loved-one-with-depression.aspx) 

If someone you care about has been diagnosed with depression or is showing any of these symptoms, knowing how to respond is critical. The article suggested six ways to help.

1. Bring Up Your Concerns With Your Loved One

The article suggests that we calmly talk with our loved ones, listen to them, and understand what’s going on in their minds. Don’t be aggressive or accusatory. “Why are you so mean and depressed?” might not be the way to go.  

Avoid suggesting that they have no reason to feel so sad. This means NOT saying things like, “Look at all the good things in your life” or “Look at how much worse off so-and-so is, but she doesn’t let her problems get her down. That tends to be rubbing salt into a wound. As I write this, I’m thinking of a friend who seems to be depressed. Don’t say, “Things are going to get better”. Just listen. See what is happening.

2. Help Your Loved One Get Treatment for Depression

There are treatments. Depending on their insurance and financial situation, your spouse or loved one might see a counselor (like I did). There are stigmas about seeing a counselor. Humans tend to be proud people. “I don’t want anybody to know that I am seeing a ‘shrink.’” Listen to your friend. You can suggest that you go with them to a counselor. Help set up an appointment. Be supportive (aka “show LOVE”).

3. Support Your Loved One in Their Day-to-Day Routine

The article suggests taking a casual walk with them (if the weather is nice). In my case, I’ve walked and talked with many friends on walks. One friend talks about the movies she has seen. Another talks about music. A third friend talks about religion and church with me. Being a real friend means staying out of the “judgment zone.” 

I have an online friend that seems to fit the depression category. Unfortunately, she is in a wheelchair and doesn’t get out much. She indulges in watching political shows., and in blaming others for her depression. I say “Good Morning” and “Good Night” to her and try to be positive in all my interactions.  

The article suggested, “You can also offer to help them with tasks that may feel overwhelming, like grocery shopping, laundry, or cleaning the house.”

4. Look for Signs That Treatment Is Working

“As they improve, someone with depression may start making better eye contact with you instead of looking down to avoid eye contact due to feeling vulnerable or anxious.”

Are they smiling more? Are they laughing more? What are their appetites and appearances? Complement them on their appearance. Let your light shine!!!

5. Be Alert to Signs That Treatment Is Not Working

But - the treatment may NOT be working. The person might say, “Life is not worth living,” “I am worthless,” or “Nobody likes me.”   Comments like that are subtly suggesting suicide. I can understand that concept.  

That is another place for your love to shine. Be there (if possible). Listen. You don’t need to talk. Use the power of touch—hold their hand, hug them, and sit close to them (if you can). Your spouse or friend is one of God’s children (as we all are). Let them know you support them.  

Their counselor can help out. I take a mild anti-depressant medication that helps. (And getting a walk every day helps, too!!)

6. Make a Plan for Recognizing a Relapse

Depression is more like a heart problem or cancer problem than a headache. There will probably be ups and downs. There might be what seems like a minor problem that acts like a match and relights that burning depression again. Listen to them. Keep loving them.

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In these two days, I’ve written about helping others with that deep, dank, dark prison cell of depression. I think (belief) that Love can make a difference - and love can frequently be spelled:  T   I   M   E.

LOVE WINS

LOVE TRANSFORMS

LOVE HEALS

Karen Anne White, ©, March 19, 2024