SUNDAY FUNDAY - JULY 28, 2024 FUN

 SUNDAY FUNDAY, JULY 28th

WARM-UP

Almost the end of July- named after Julius Caesar; next is August, named after Augustus Caesar.

 August is “back to school” month. When I taught, my brain turned on. At end of the school year I didn’t want to see another student!!  But as August came I was excited to get back to the classroom!! 

JOKES

What did the grape say when he was stepped on?  Nothing, he just "wined."

My wife left me because I had an obsession with pasta.  Now I'm cannelloni.

I lost my pet mouse, Elvis, the other day.  Yes, he "was caught in a trap"

What kind of shoes do frogs wear in the summer?  Open toad shoes

How do trees access the internet?  They log in.

What happens when doctors get frustrated?  They lose their patients.

What do women and toilet paper have in common?  They deal with a lot of crap.

How do you make seven even?  Take away the S.

I don't trust those trees.  They look a little shady.

What would be the worst household appliance to use as a life preserver?  The sink

My friend Paula has been sending me videos of three guys in a deer blind telling blind deer (and other) jokes:

What do you call a deer with no eyes? Blind

Billy: What do you call a blind buck? Barry: No eye, deer. (No idea)

What do you call a blind cervine? No eye deer

What did the blind rabbit say to the deer? I have no eye, deer!

What's a blind deer's favorite dance move? A no-see-doe

Why did the blind deer cross the road? No idea.

What do you call a blind deer? No idea.

Why was the moon being defiant? He was going through a phase.

I have a camping trip tomorrow and just bought a sleeping bag. 

Does anyone know how to wake it up?

You have to be extremely precise when trying to identify fungi.

There's not mushroom for error.

What programming language does a fish code in?

Sea++ (There is a popular language called C+)

My new password is “fortnight.”

Do you think it's two weeks? (two weak)

Man: “Should we start drinking now to have a nice buzz when we get there?”

Wife: “We're going to Walmart.”

It's ironic how funeral directors have raised the price of funerals.

 And blamed it on the cost of living.

I have been writing lots of monarchy jokes lately.

It might be my crowning achievement.

I walked by the cable repairman on the street the other day, and he asked me if I had the time.

I told him it was between 8am and 1pm.

[first day as car salesman]

Customer: “Cargo space?”

Me: “Car, no, do that. Car no fly.”

Manager: “Can I see you in my office?”

People over 70, what’s popular right now that you have zero interest in?

My balloon elephant wouldn't fit on the back seat of the car, so l had to pop the trunk.

I know a lot of jokes about retired people, but none of them work.

Our local barber got busted for dealing drugs.

I've been going to him for years, and I never knew he was a barber.

*****

LOVE WINS

Karen White