WEDNESDAY, JULY 10, 2024 - COMPETITIVENESS

 WEDNESDAY, JULY 10, 2024 - COMPETITIVENESS

I’ve been competitive since college.  (High School not so much).  I went for great grades then - and graduated with high honors.

As a professor - especially at Dakota State- I got involved in National Organizations - most notably ISECON.  I got on the board of directors and chaired the ISECON conference four times.  

At Quinnipiac, I got involved with ABET and eventually was on the Computer Accreditation Commission and Computing Sciences Accreditation Board.  

Now, these are service positions - with them came work.  Chairing a national conference four times can be challenging.  Budgets, scheduling, audio-visual equipment, receptions, menus, and being the greeter (my favorite thing) were part of my assignments.  CAC met every summer and carefully reviewed the past year's accreditation visits.  

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But that also lapsed into my personal life—mostly in “face-to-face” competition (that was a keyboard-to-keyboard competition).

In 2011, I asked one of my students what the biggest game was at that time.  He answered, “Words With Friends.”  So I started to play “Words With Friends” with my sister.  

I had to win - I had to beat my sister.  I won’t say my advanced education was important (my dear sister has a bachelor’s degree and taught elementary school, I taught undergraduate and graduate students).

I had to find the word that gave me the most points on every play - and I generally did.  I probably beat her 90% of the time.  (In Words With Friends - a Scrabble-like game - there is luck and skill.  If a person draws the “Q”, “Z”, “X” or “J” they can get great scores.   

My sister is a lovely, easy-going person, but FINALLY had enough and wouldn’t play with me anymore.  (And, I don’t blame her).

Currently, I have too many Words with Friends games going.  I play Julie (a Granny Basketball friend), for two games; Kathleen (maybe six games), Michael (six games), Ginny (two games), Tim (two games), and others.

Poor Michael - I probably beat him 90% of the time as well.

About three months ago, something hit me - “Karen, why do you want to win all the time?.” 

(Shhh - don’t tell Michael and some of the others).  I’ve been playing to let the other person win sometimes and in Michel’s case - most of the time - he is winning about 85% of our games!!!

During COVID, Robert and I played chess.  I had been a very good (in my opinion) in college and I expected to beat Robert all the time.  But, Robert is an excellent chess player.  He beat me probably about 75% of the time.

(Sheepishly) After about four months, I asked Robert to stop playing with me.  (Oh - the competitive spirit was getting trounced.)

WHY?  Because I “HAD TO” win!!  

The reality is different - I HAVE TO LOVE. 

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So, slowly, I’m forgetting my competitive nature to be more loving.  I don’t have to win all the time - if I win 50% okay, and if I win less than 50% - that’s good too.

My friend Kathleen is a great wordsmith - I’m trying to be at 50% with her - but she is more like 70%.  I know she feels good when she beats me - and that’s okay.  I don’t need to win.  My ego needs to be under control.  

I’ve quoted Micah 6:8 enough:  “What does God expect of you, but to love justice, show mercy, and walk humbly with God?” Hey Karen, mercy is good, and humility is good. Winning all my competitive games is bad.  Maybe my inflated ego gets stroked, but I (in some respects) hurt my friend's egos.  

Being in competition with myself might help my brain grow.  But - walking over my sister (or other friends) in an online game - not so good.

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Dear Sister Beth, I don’t know if you read this, but I am sorry. I didn’t need to be so unloving.  

Dear friend Kathleen, you are already a competitor, and I like testing my skills against you.

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LOVE WINS doesn’t mean that I HAVE TO WIN at games and activities - but to LOVE those around me - real love, agape love.

LOVE TRANSFORMS

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Karen Anne White, July 10, 2024