SUNDAY FUNDAY - DECEMBER 29, 2024

 SUNDAY, FUNDAY  DECEMBER 29, 2024

THE OLD

SANTA CLAUS JOKES

Which of Santa's reindeer are dinosaurs afraid of? Comet.

Why is Santa scared of chimneys? Because he's claus-trophobic.

How you can tell that Santa is real? You can always sense his presents.

What nationality is Santa Claus? North Polish.

Why did Mrs. Claus get mad at Santa? Because her husband was a flake.

What's Santa's favorite type of music? Wrap.

Why is Santa so good at karate? He has a black belt.

Why does Santa go through the chimney? Because it soots him.

What do you call a kid who doesn’t believe in Santa? A rebel without a Claus.

How does Santa take pictures? With his Pole-aroid camera.

What kind of motorcycle does Santa ride? A "Holly" Davidson.

How much did Santa's sleigh cost? It was on the house!

Why was Santa's little helper so sad? He had low elf-esteem.

Who is Santa's least favorite reindeer? Rude-olph.

Why did Santa go to the liquor store? He was looking for holiday spirits.

What do you call Santa's little helpers? Subordinate Clauses.

Why don't you ever see Santa Claus in the hospital? Because he has private elf care.

THE NEW

1. Youth is when you're allowed to stay up for New Year's. Middle age is when you're forced to.

2. What do New Year's parades have in common with Santa Claus? No one is ever awake to see them.

3. What is a New Year's resolution? Something that goes in one year and out the other.

4. My New Year's resolution is to see my cup half-full, preferably with rum, gin, vodka or moonshine.

5. What is the digital camera's New Year's resolution? 1080p.

6. An iPhone and a firecracker were arrested on New Year’s Eve.  One was charged, and the other was let off

7. What do you call someone named Stephen on Dec. 31? New Year's Steve!

8. What do cows say on Jan. 1? "Happy Moo New Year!"

9. What's the worst part of jogging on New Year's Eve? The ice falling out of your drink!

10. What is corn's favorite holiday? New Ears Eve.

11. How did Prince celebrate the new millennium? He partied like it was 1999.

12. My New Year's resolution was to drop my bad habits, but no one likes a quitter.

13. What was the Amityville Priest's resolution? To exorcise more.

14. What does a field grow on Jan. 1? New Year's hay.

15. What was Dr. Frankenstein's New Year's resolution? To make new friends.

16. What does a ghost say on Dec. 31? "Happy Boo Year!"

17. What did Che Guevara make on New Year's Day? A New Year's revolution.

18. What do you tell someone you didn't see on New Year's Eve? I haven't seen you since last year!

19. A man asks his buddy for a cigarette. His friend quips, "I thought you made a New Year's resolution and that you don't smoke.” The man replied,  "I'm in phase one of quitting." Confused, his friend asked, "Phase one?" The man laughed, "Yes. I've quit buying."

20. What New Year's resolution should a basketball player never make? To travel more.

21. What does a jeweler do on Dec. 31? Ring in the New Year.

22. What was the official snack food of New Year's Eve? Dick Clark Bar.

23. I love when they drop the ball in Times Square. It's a nice reminder of what I did all year.

*****

LOVE WINS

LOVE TRANSFORMS

Karen Anne White, December 29, 2024