THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 11, 2021 - THE GOOD, BAD, AND UGLY - PART III

 THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 11, 2021 - VETERAN’S DAY - GOOD, BAD, AND UGLY - PART III

This week I’ve been writing about super seniors - seniors in their nineties.  

Let’s face it, by 90-years of age not all of the body parts function perfectly.  Arthritis, backs, hands, minds, legs, feet, urinary systems, heart, knees, hearing, seeing, teeth, etc. just seem worn down.  Now, if you have parents that are getting up in age, think of them.  What might life be like when you can’t eat anything that requires dexterity using a spoon or a fork.  Things might slide off a spoon, food slops onto shirts, tops, pants.  Walking (even with a walker) can be painful and difficult.  Even the powered carts require some dexterity to get around.  Falls are also part of life and having knee or hip replacements can mean weeks (if not months) of physical therapy.

Try looking at their lives through their eyes.  They won’t tell you directly that they can’t do something they always did.  Drive a car?  For us, that isn’t a problem, but when you get older and your vision isn’t as good, your reaction time is longer, it can be hard to drive.  And, for many folks, when you say “Dad (or Mom), I’m taking away your car keys” is a form of death.  Some of our seniors learned to drive before they had driver’s licenses.  They drove farm trucks, drove their younger brothers and sisters to school or practice.  

What does not having a car mean in Dad’s eyes?  What does it mean to Mom that she can’t drive to her quilting group or church circle?  

Some seniors get petrified in social conditions (or agoraphobia).  “I can’t go to church or to the store alone and I can’t force my daughter (or son) to drive me everywhere.  I guess I’ll just stay at home.

I’m looking forward to the “new” car routine (although it might not come in my life).  The totally self-driving vehicle (or the totally self-driving Uber/Lyft).  For seniors to have a vehicle close by and at a lower cost than buying a car (and paying insurance, gas, maintenance, etc.) should be a game-changer.  I know women that every Tuesday afternoon goes to the salon to get their hair touched up.  Without a car / without driving, that becomes a difficulty - but in the future, I think (hope) it all comes about.  

*****

Do visit them.  Make a once-a-week habit to visit Mom (or Dad) in the retirement center.  Maybe you can schedule it for a regular TV show (or something from Netflix).  The independent living center I’m working at has a church/worship service on Sunday nights at 6:00 p.m.  Maybe you can go to visit Mom at 4:00 - have time together, then eat together and go to the service together.  Get to know their friends at the facility.  If you have money, you can take Mom and a couple of her friends to coffee, lunch, a movie, or even an activity that the grandkids are involved in.

Be positive.  Getting old can be depressing.  Have some good things to share.  Bring pictures of the grandkids (and/or connect with them over Facetime (or a similar platform).  Some of the people I see get too much bad news - “my high school friend died; my cousin died; my sister-in-law has dementia; my niece has breast cancer” (and more).  

Get some stupid jokes, watch some old dumb videos on Youtube (like this blooper video from Carol Burnett - Carol Burnett Show outtakes - Tim Conway's Elephant Story - YouTube) 

Get Mom (or Dad) out occasionally.  I had the German story last week about a lady’s father and his “great escape” where he went out for an ice cream cone.  Keep their comfort zone from closing.  And, you don’t have to specifically “go” anywhere - you can go for a ride and see scenery if their mobility is limited.

Do some small things for your parents - bring a plant, bring their favorite chocolates, bring a memory of a trip to Yellowstone.  Keep it upbeat and positive.

*****

One of my residents is a “roamer”.  She likes to get out of her room.  I think that is great.  She might be in the lobby or in the library, or by the table set up with the jigsaw puzzle (I think the 1000 piece puzzles are too tough!!).  

The facility where I’ve been working has game rooms, (one room is used for bridge most evenings), a pool table, poker table, art studio, a cafe to get a cup of coffee, a garden area (their tomato plants did much better than mine did), an exercise room, a chapel, laundry rooms, hair salon, and more.

(And, they have an activities coordinator and a social worker).

Yes, my clients are all in their nineties and most are looking forward to dying.  (I hear “I don’t know why God is letting me live so long”, and “I’m praying for God to take me home”).

Get somebody from their church to stop by periodically.  (When I was in Connecticut, I brought Communion to shut-ins once a month).

Growing old can be very ugly.  See if you can help out.

But, there are those that do succeed.  Gloria always has a smile and an upbeat comment; Marge likes to sing, and Katherine always greets everybody warmly.  

Most (all) of these people gave of themselves in the past, they did community activities, they sat on school boards and church boards, they voted, they laughed and loved as I do now.  Let’s honor them with dignity and love

Tomorrow a Biblical view of “Honor your Father and your Mother”.

LOVE WINS!!

Karen