WEDNESDAY, NOVEMBER 10, 2021 THE GOOD, THE BAD, AND THE UGLY

 WEDNESDAY, NOVEMBER 10, 2021 THE GOOD, THE BAD, AND THE UGLY - II

I’m doing a three-day series on my work at a senior independent living facility.  The old adage is that there are two sure things - death and taxes.  Death does come to all of us - some at younger ages from accidents or illness; and for the older group (that I am writing about), death is always just around the corner. 

Today, a brief look at the ‘memory unit’.  

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As part of my orientation, I shadowed a care assistant in the “memory unit”.  This might be the ‘dementia’ ward or the ‘Alzheimers ward’.  

Aside - from my limited understanding.  The services I give (and others like me) are frequently paid for by the families (or by the residents).  Some families are not physically close to their elderly parents and thus pay for somebody to visit with them, play gin rummy with them, take them to eat, or just to check if they are taking their medications.  

One of my residents has a son in Ohio.  He comes twice a year to visit his mother.  Seemingly he calls her daily.  But he wants somebody to visit his mother on a regular basis.  The lady is lucid and loves to talk.  I have heard about her growing up in a smaller town, her husband, their life together.  Since she was born in 1923, I’ve asked her about things such as rural electric cooperatives, party-line telephones, and more.  Like others, her “best friend” is the television (other than the meals).  She is gregarious and happy.  I am a good listener and keeping her company is a joy for her and for me.  

My assumption is that not all the residents get the care assistant visits unless they request it and some payment is made.  (I’m not sure if Medicare can also help pay for such services)

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My mentor had Nancy (made up name) in the memory unit as a person to visit.  We went at 4:00 and sat outside on the patio with others.  My mentor was on one side and me on the other.  Mostly it was my mentor and I talking casually.  Nancy seemed to listen to some, but in most cases had tuned us out.  Direct questions to Nancy were largely ignored.  Her verbal skills seem to have died back with her dementia.  

Then we went into the dining room with the others.  We sat at a table for eight people (with my mentor and myself sitting back from the table a little.  We tried some questions like “Do you like soup?”, “The chicken looks good today.  Do you like chicken?” and generally got either no response or a limited response.  

There was little interaction around the table.  As compared to the independent living facility where conversations over the dinner table do occur, this was generally silent.  The servers put the plates in front of the people - maybe with a word or two about the meal, but with no interaction.  

In particular, I want to mention another lady at the table, I’ll call her Lucille.  Lucille looked like she had come from an upper-class background.  For dinner, she was nicely dressed.  

But, Lucille wouldn’t dare come to dinner without some makeup.  Poor Lucille, knew she had to have lipstick on for a proper dinner, but her motor skills were declining.  My judgment looking at her is that she wanted to be a part of the group, but her lipstick was all around her lips - almost like a circus clown.  She said upright and proper, but with that blank look that many with memory problems have.  Down in her brain, she knew she had to look presentative at dinner.  I can picture her mother when Lucille was six-years-old saying “Now Lucille, you must present yourself properly at dinner.”  I did feel sorry for her.

The lady who my mentor was assisting said very little and ate her dinner in silence as did the rest around the table.  

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My readers, I’ve seen dementia.  My mother-in-law became a faint shadow of herself, almost non-verbal.  Her family did visit her at least weekly, one of her daughters took her for excursions and brought her to her house for parties and weekends.  Dementia is not pretty.  Seeing what used to be a valuable human being fade away is agonizing. 

In the past, I’ve done some research that suggests that while a cure for dementia hasn’t been found.  The research suggests that being socially active, having friends, keeping your body fit with exercise and sleep, being hydrated, being mentally active, and living life to the fullest can help in the fight against dementia.

I also felt admiration for the care assistant who daily attended to Nancy and tried to keep her positive.  It isn’t an easy job being an aide for dementia patients.  (I have it infinitely better to help those in independent living.)

One more example tomorrow, but I am going to get on my soap-box for a comment.

If you have elderly parents (or even friends), love them, keep in touch with them.  Stop and visit with them, make time in your life to see them, call them.  Even with those that are mentally challenged, love them.  I’m not sure what gets into their brain, but love does win - even in what seems to be a losing situation.

LOVE DOES WIN!!!

Karen