MONDAY, NOVEMBER 21, 2022 - LEADING TO THANKSGIVING

 MONDAY, NOVEMBER 21, 2022 - LEADING TO THANKSGIVING

A compound word - “Thanks” and “Giving” - may be better written as ‘Giving Thanks”.  

So, what does it mean to give thanks?

How many times a day do you say “Thank You” to somebody?

Can you say ‘Thank you”, and not be sincere?

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Simple:

Somebody has done something nice for you.  This didn’t have to be major.  Maybe as you were going into the grocery store, a stranger held the door for you.  Maybe you nodded and said, “Thank you” (or even just “thanks”).  

Acknowledge the person - establish eye contact - and say lovingly - “Thank you”.  

Now there are lots of ways of saying those words - you can be very perfunctory - (monotone) “thank you”.  You can add meaning with voice inflection and strength (loudness), “THANK YOU, MY DEAR FRIEND”.  Maybe a handshake, maybe something light and easy - “That was really nice of you” (or “That was really kind of you”.).  

I suggest that real “thanks-giving” is heartfelt and meaningful.  It also needs to fit the occasion and the action.  

Scenario 1:  You are inside a fast food restaurant at the counter and the clerk gives you the bag with your food (or a tray with your food).  If you gush - “OH MY GOODNESS, YOU ARE THE BEST, THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU”. might be a little over the top.  

But, on the other hand, think of that clerk for a second.  This is their job.  It isn’t the highest paying job, and it isn’t a super important job.  BUT - you do appreciate that they are there and gave you your meal.  “I appreciate this”.  

On my summer trip, one of the days I’d been on the road too many hours and I was hungry and thirsty.  I stopped at a Taco Johns (an upper midwest alternative to Taco Bell - and good food).  As the clerk gave me my bag, I said quite sincerely, “Thank you.  I’ve been on the road today, and I’m hungry.  Thank you”.  I wanted them to know that I really did appreciate this small act.

Scenario 2:  You are with a friend at a sit-down restaurant and you’ve had good service.  How do you honestly tell the server that you appreciate his/her service?  Sure you give them a nice tip.  But what words and body language do you use to say “Thank you”?

Are you meaning it?  Was this really one of the top ten meals/services you’ve ever had?  How do you communicate that?

And

Scenario 3: - Same as scenario 2, but the server and service were not good.  (Maybe the kitchen staff was busy, or maybe they are understaffed (not unusual these days).  Is there an appropriate way to say “Thank you” - this was reasonable, but not outstanding?

And, finally

Scenario 4: - The truly lousy service - you can see the server talking with a girlfriend/boyfriend; you can see your meals are on the window - and getting cold - you didn’t get seconds on your water (or coffee), and, at the end of the meal you are ready to leave and it takes the server twenty minutes to bring you your check.  How do you say “thank you there?”  Is this a teachable moment - do you point out the flaws in the server?  “You know you could be a good server, I can see you have the talent and know how to do this well, but you just didn’t turn it on today.”  There may be extenuating circumstances that a patron doesn't know. Maybe the server had a big fight with his/her spouse right before coming to work. "Walk a mile in their shoes".

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Do you say “thank you” to your spouse, good friend, or colleague - just “because”?  A “thank you for being you” kind of statement.  I have a friend who is good at this.  She seems to find the right way to say this.  I got a coffee cup from her.  It says “I love you and I really mean it”.  Saying “I love you” is nice - but adding “And I really mean it” sets that aside.

Another friend had to serve for a Christmas ornament that says “Love Wins” - I don’t think it was expensive - but it was priceless to me that she searched for something so very appropriate for me.

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“I appreciate you” seems to be more sincere than just “Thank you”.  I posted Post-It notes on my wife’s mirror, in the kitchen, and in other places saying “Thank you”, “I love you”, “I appreciate you”.  

There is a story about a couple who had been married for 63 years.  One day, the wife said, “You never say you love me”.  The man looked at her and answered “I said it 63 years ago.  If I had changed my mind, I would have told you.”

That shouldn’t be the case - you should say “Thank you” (or “I Love You”, or “I appreciate you”) every day - and not just to say them - but to really mean it.  

(Okay, truth - there was a point where I said “I love you” to my wife maybe 50 times a day.  It became a “catchphrase” - and not a meaningful one, but as a rote statement.  I wanted her to know I loved her and by repeating it multiple times I thought it was significant - but it went from a treasure to just a common, trite statement.)

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A short comment on replying to a “Thank you”.  It seems like the answer to “Thank you” has become “No Problem”.  Back to the server examples - you say “Thank you to the server and he/she says “No Problem” - the implication is that they didn’t go out of their way to help you - like “it's my job” - no big deal!!  Say “You are welcome!!!”

Giving Thanks - don’t let it be a lost event (or only practiced on Thanksgiving!!!)

Tomorrow - a religious mandate to give thanks.

LOVE TRANSFORMS

KAREN ANNE WHITE, © NOVEMBER 21, 2022