SATURDAY NOVEMBER 19, 2022 - A SATURDAY STORY OF DEMENTIA

 SATURDAY NOVEMBER 19, 2022 - SATURDAY STORY

SHORT STORY

2018 had been a rough year for Tony and Alyssa Franklin.  After 43 years their marriage was imploding.  Alyssa was diagnosed with dementia.  Tony had seen this coming on.  Alyssa couldn’t tell you what she had to eat yesterday, but could describe breakfast from 45 years ago and how her eggs had been cooked.  

Three times in 2018, Alyssa had gone for a walk from their home in Jarrell Texas, and had gotten lost.  Jarrell wasn’t all that big and all three times a different neighbor saw her and brought her home.  She forgot about the soup she was making until their house filled with smoke.  She tried to hide her loss of memory, but it didn’t work.

Tony had taken over most of the cooking and cleaning.  He found an adult daycare where he could drop Alyssa off in the morning and pick her up at the end of the day.  There were games and activities to keep her busy.  He tended his garden and made dinner while she was there.  

Alyssa also had become incontinent and had accidents (and didn’t recognize it).  She ‘remembered’ things that hadn’t happened, and forgot things that had.  It seemed to Tony that Alyssa’s world combined some of the plots of the daytime soap operas that she watched.  She accused Tony of having another wife and gambling their money away.  She hated the daycare.

The adult daycare was good for Alyssa, but slowly she evolved into a mean-spirited woman.  She ‘knew’ the staff at the adult daycare hated her, and that the lunch people gave more food to the others at the facility.  The manager, Harriet Weimer, had a video of the facility and had created a video of Alyssa and showed it to Tony and to their daughter, Bethany.  The family saw how Alyssa’s dementia had grown and how much she really needed help and a safe facility.

Years before Tony and Alyssa had taken out nursing home insurance.  Finally, the day came when Alyssa tried to take over the kitchen during their lunch hour and Harriet knew that Alyssa just couldn’t stay in the program.  

Tony and their daughter Bethany visited memory care centers in Jarrell and Georgetown and selected Golden Acres Retirement Community.  Tony got an apartment in the independent living part of the facility while Alyssa had an apartment in the memory care unit.  

Tony visited her every day.  Some days Alyssa recognized him but most days she didn’t.  He would cut up her food for lunch and dinner and feed her.  When the facility had an event, Tony was there to support his wife. Occasionally Alyssa would spit out the food at Tony, who would wipe it off his face and shirt and continue to help her and love her.

Her appetite fell, maybe because she wasn’t very active anymore.  It was a nice facility - with a chaplain, three meals a day, a piano lady who led the singing of the old tunes, and a guitar man who also sang with them.  They did coloring books, some crafts, and exercises.  

Tony and Bethany hated to see her slip ever deeper into the darkness.  Bethany brought her son and daughter every other week so they would know a little about their grandmother.  Alyssa loved the grandchildren, although she couldn’t remember their names either.  And Bethany had coached the children well to call her “Nana”.

*****

It was on Thanksgiving Day 2021 when Tony, Bethany, Mike, and the grandchildren had Thanksgiving Dinner with Alyssa at Golden Acres.  

It was a wonderful day, Alyssa recognized them - even the grandchildren and called everybody by name.  There were no embarrassing moments.  They talked about good memories and trips.  They sang some of the old Thanksgiving hymns and hugged each other at the door.  She hugged Tony very closely just before they parted, and said “Goodbye Tony, I love you and I have always loved you.  Forgive me”.  

That night, Alyssa died in her sleep with a sweet smile on her face at 2:37 a.m.

And, Tony woke from a sound sleep at 2:37 a.m. with peace in his heart and mind.

*****

Yes, dementia is a sorry stage.  I’ve seen big mood swings and some strange things (like the day, one lady decided that she didn’t want to wear clothes.) We are all God’s children - and God loves us dearly.

Love transforms

Karen Anne White, (c), November 19, 2022