MONDAY, AUGUST 21, 2023 -COMPLAINING

 MONDAY, AUGUST 21, 2023 COMPLAINING

Okay, I’ve been complaining lately. It’s too hot!!  

People love to complain. I’ve taken ideas from this article:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-second-noble-truth/202104/the-psychology-complaining/

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WHAT DO YOU CALL A PERSON WHO LIKES TO COMPLAIN?

A person gives excessive complaints and crying and whining. Synonyms: bellyacher, crybaby, grumbler, moaner, sniveller, squawker, whiner. 

Complaining, like all communication, may bring a sense of connectedness between individuals.

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VALUE IN COMPLAINING

“Additionally, venting makes one feel better. Letting out a negative experience certainly feels better than keeping it in. Often once someone vents, they feel better. Sometimes hearing oneself vent allows the speaker to listen to himself and realize that the complaint isn’t a big deal. In a way, just venting allows an external perspective, and self-monitoring indicates that what one is complaining about needn’t bother them.

Karen adds - I’ve said I’m ready to scream (about the heat). That is venting at the frustration of a long hot summer in Texas. 

“No one really wants to be around someone who complains incessantly. Generally, people want to be around balanced, moderate people. If someone is too bitter, or for that matter, too happy, others tend to avoid them (or, perhaps, complain about them).

Karen adds - it seems to be socially acceptable to complain about the weather. It is too hot, too cold, too wet, too dry. That might be one thing if it is said as an environmental comment.  

“Another reason people may complain is that the brain is negative-biased. The human brain, geared for survival, focuses on negatives (as they appear more threatening to survival) than positives (which enhance life but are less vital for survival). As the brain perceives negatives at an approximated ratio of five to one, there is simply more to complain about than to be grateful for. Additionally, this may lead to less general happiness.

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Yes - I’ve been complaining that it is too hot!! But, I can’t really do anything about it (one thing - later). I’ve been complaining that it is too dry!! (One item - later).

It is venting - getting my frustration with the summer heat out of my system. And it is a socially acceptable thing to do. The city has banned watering yards in my community to conserve water in our reservoirs. There are grass fires around us - and most states have been fighting wildfires of some nature.

Another source said, “There are some stress-relieving benefits to complaining, though they diminish when complaining slips into a more severe mode of anger and rumination. However, voicing frustrations in small doses has its place as a stress reliever.

Complaining can be venting.

Complaining can be validated - if somebody is complaining about the heat, if I agree with them, I’m supporting their view - I’m validating them.

In a group, complaining can lead to solutions. If a group of people are complaining about their manager, it can be time to write the issues down and approach the manager - or the person above your manager. Communication can be opened for real change.

Complaining can get things done - “The squeaky wheel gets to oil.”

BUT - overt complaining can cause others to avoid you (“Don’t talk to Karen, she’s always complaining about something”).

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In the past few years, what was once called the “loyal opposition” in politics has been the “forever complaining and faultfinding” group.  

(Karen adds - “Can’t we get along?”

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I try not to complain about people. Service might need to be faster at a restaurant. I try to rationalize it - getting people who will work as servers or cooks is hard. (“Good help is hard to find”)

We ALL have problems. And even those whose concerns don’t show have issues; for older couples, maybe their children are fighting, and their marriages are breaking up. Maybe for older folks, the pain situation is getting tough. Perhaps cancer is growing.  

I can’t allow myself to speak negatively about people. I’ve written the comment from Dorothy Day, ““I really only love God as much as I love the person I love the least.”.

Although I slip and fall (and fail) every day, I am trying to love God - and that means I have to love people!!!  

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And - some Biblical references:

James 5:9 “Do not grumble against one another, brothers, so that you may not be judged; behold, the Judge is standing at the door.”

Ephesians 4:29, ““Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is suitable for building up

1 Thessalonians 5:18, “In everything give thanks for this is the will of God concerning you.”

So, I struggle with complaining. But, I need to use the concept of Ephesians 4:29 - Don’t let any corrupting talk (complaining, backbiting, judging, hateful) come out of my mouth.

But the one thing I can do is pray. If it is hot, pray for perseverance; if it is dry, pray for rain.

LOVE WINS

LOVE SAYS NICE THINGS 

LOVE TRANSFORMS

KAREN ANNE WHITE, AUGUST 21, 2023