WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 30, 2023 BULLYING

WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 30, 2023 BULLIES

Sadly, many neurodivergent kids experience bullying, teasing, and/or taunting. Despite anti-bullying policies in schools and national efforts to raise awareness, kids with ADHD will likely be victims and/or aggressors at some point.

Yes, aggressors. Children and teens with ADHD may not realize when they’ve crossed the line from gentle ribbing into full-on bullying. Teasing is:

• often done with humor

• is reciprocal

• doesn’t affect self-esteem

• will stop when it is no longer fun

I’ve generally been a tease. To me, teasing is a way of saying, “You are special; I don’t want to be sappy and say “I love you,” but teasing to me is a way of saying that without saying that. In my transitioning, I say “LOVE WINS” - but I have also said “I LOVE YOU” many more things than in the past. (And, when I tease, I hope you tease back).  

But, like many things, there is a point where it can get too much. Be careful when you near that line. Put up your “antennas” to see if the other person is taking it well.  

BUT - NO TAUNTING OR BULLYING

On the other hand, taunting involves ill will and continues or even escalates after the recipient is hurt or asks for the taunting to stop. Taunting is a form of bullying, and it is rampant in the upper elementary school grades, middle school, and early high school years.

Bullies often target individuals they perceive as weak, vulnerable, and unable to defend themselves. It is repetitive, purposeful, and meant to cause harm or fear through the threat of further hostility. Bullying can be physical (hurting people), or it can be done through relational aggression (starting rumors, spreading gossip, and getting people to “gang up” on others).

ADDITUDE suggests the following:
(https://www.additudemag.com/stop-bullying-adhd-upstander/)

Encourage your child to speak up in non-provocative ways to assert strength. Bullies will do a few practice taunts to test someone, create drama, and stir things up. If their insults provoke a reaction, they will continue. Your child can shut this down by standing up and saying: “What did you say to me?” or “What did you mean by that?” Or your child can interrupt the bully mid-sentence, say his name, and change the conversation. Try role-playing with your child to practice this.  

Role-playing might involve facing the bully and calling him (or her) out. “BOB, that isn’t nice, that hurts, you are a bully.”  

Create an exit strategy. Discuss techniques and phrases to extricate your child from an uncomfortable situation. Explore ways for your child or teen to engage the assistance of their true friends in socially tricky situations.  

The bully wants your attention and wants to “control” you. Your child can’t back down. (I’m thinking of the situation where the mod was angry with Jesus, and he walked right through the mob). Don’t let them know it is getting to you.

Remind your child that he is not alone. Point out his true friends and encourage time spent together. For younger children, facilitate these meetups; for older ones, ask if they’d like to invite a friend. Ask the school for help fostering positive connections through project collaborations with like-minded individuals. Make sure that teachers are aware of the social dynamics your child is facing.

Help them find a cohesive friends group. Thinking of the Harry Potter books/movies - Harry had friends - and Harry had bullies (Malloy in particular).  

Help your child build self-awareness about statements, actions, or facial expressions that might be misinterpreted as hostile. Try saying: “Hey, are you aware of the volume of your voice right now? Can you bring it down a notch?” Seek feedback from teachers about possible off-putting behaviors or habits they notice.

Create a safety plan detailing what to say or do to stop bullying in person or online: whom to talk to (a friend or adult), where to go at school (the office of the nurse or counselor), and how to minimize reacting.

Don’t let the bully get the upper hand - walk away; they might follow and raise their voice and yell at you. Don’t fight back. Be strong and walk away. 

It’s important to take bullying seriously and not just brush it off as something kids have to “tough out.” The effects can be severe and affect kids’ sense of safety and self-worth. In extreme cases, bullying has contributed to tragedies, such as suicides and school shootings.

If you are a parent or grandparent, listen carefully when your child (grandchild) talks about a bully. Do just let it in one ear and out the other. Kids need your love. You can’t fight their fights for them, but it can be hard to help them get through it.

Praise your child for doing the right thing by talking to you about it. Remind your child that they’re not alone — many people get bullied at some point. Explain that the bully is misbehaving — not your child. Reassure them that you will figure out what to do about it together.

And, if you haven’t noticed, bullying also continues in the adult world.  

 ‘He drew a circle that shut me out. Heretic, rebel, a thing to flout. But love and I had the wit to win: We drew a circle and took him In!’ (Edwin Markham)

More tomorrow!!!

LOVE WINS

LOVE WINS OVER BULLIES

LOVE TRANSFORMS

KAREN ANNE WHITE, ©, AUGUST 30, 2023