THURSDAY, AUGUST 31, 2023 - BULLYING

 THURSDAY, AUGUST 31, 2023 - BULLIES AT WORK

We work in exciting places - sometimes with strange people. I was talking with a friend who has an “I know it all” in her workplace. This person knows everything (or maybe not) but will tell you how to do your work.

“Researchers generally classify workplace bullying as harassing, offending, excluding, or maliciously disrupting someone’s tasks. It can be job-related (extreme monitoring of performance, doling out an unbearable workload, or overly ridiculing) or person-related (gossiping about someone, undermining them, inflicting public humiliation or excessive criticism, and subjecting them to social isolation). For an action to be categorized as Bullying, it must occur repeatedly and purposefully (or with ill intent).”

Frequently, the new employees get the most Bullying. I’m unsure if that is because the bully wants to be a showoff or because the bully senses the newcomer is a threat to his (or her) job.  

The other day, I thought, “Was I ever a bully at work?” - and yes - maybe unintentionally. I remember intentionally assigning one of my team to a bizarre schedule (with the intent to get him to leave). So, he had an early class on MWF, a late afternoon class on MWF, a Tuesday night class, and a TTh mid-morning class. He was a know-it-all and a pain in the neck to work with.

(And he did leave after the year.)

First - work well - do your job well.
If you are working well, doing extra assignments, and not bragging, and doing it well, the bullies will generally stay away. Yes, it is not popular - but come early and stay late. For faculty, it might mean getting on the committees that are seen. I “had to” be on the technology committee because I taught in the technology field. When I was department chair, if a junior faculty volunteered to be on that committee, I was impressed and ensured they got there. 

One person commented, “Doing the right thing all the time, even if it’s hard, will not make you the most popular person at work, but people eventually have to respect that kind of identity — even bullies.”

Second - don’t let your emotions take over.

Yes, there have been times I wanted to tell somebody off. I’m glad I didn’t (and I’m happy that I’m learning LOVE WINS). If you need (or want) to confront the bully, do it with love and patience. They are humans as well, and they, too, are made in God’s image. Being negative isn’t going to build a good relationship with them!!!  

Maybe something like, “Gee Dave, You seem to find fault in what I do or who I am. Is there a way we can work this out?”

Aside from that, one band colleague sent me a scathing email when I came out as a woman (with profanity). I’ve ignored him (we don’t work that close to each other). I do say, “Hi, good to see you.” 

Third, build a Golden Bridge.

Don’t back your bully into a corner - give them a “Golden Bridge” to gracefully back off. If you are going to be an ally and work together, shaming them isn’t helping.

*****

Sometimes, Bullying can take other routes. I know a lady who another employee harassed. He made snide comments as well as sexist comments about this lady. Eventually, she got fired up and complained to human resources, and he got fired.

Sexism and racism still exist in the work environment. I’ve heard the comment, “She only got to be boss because she’s a woman, and management wants us to look like we are progressive in hiring a woman.” I don’t know if that is true, but harping on it doesn’t solve anything if it is true. If it isn’t, you are damaging another person’s reputation.  

I also know some men who email crude jokes and images. On the job (really anywhere), that is inappropriate.  

Sometimes, a person might say something inappropriate if others are around. Give the person a little leeway. Their Bullying may have caused this on this day. Maybe their dog died, and they needed to take out their frustration on somebody - and you were there.  

But, it is ongoing and damaging - try confronting the person alone. “Say, Bob, I sense you are being hostile to me. How can we work together better? Can we clear the air?

I remember a boss who managed by profanity. I was amazed by his use of words. I realize that was him, but that did offend me. I’ve grown since then, but life is better without profanity.

“If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all”!!!

James 3:10: “Out of the same mouth we pour out words of praise one minute and curses the next. My brothers and sisters, this should never be!”

My friends - I LOVE EVERYBODY - even BULLIES. LOVE WINS. Turn the other cheek if necessary. Do more than is expected. Do an honest day’s work for a fair day’s pay.

LOVE WINS
LOVE TRANSFORMS
KAREN ANNE WHITE, ©, AUGUST 31, 2023