Saturday, November 30, 2019

Uneven History


Uneven History
Just thinking Thanksgiving another time this year.

Thanksgiving is a great American Holiday.  We think of those rugged pioneers, sailing across the ocean in the Tiny Mayflower to the New World.  We read of the immense problems of the first year, almost half died in the first year.  Their houses were barely wooden shacks.  If we put people into houses like that now, we would be arrested.  Food was a problem, clothes wore out - it was a cruel story that we like to reflect upon.  And yet, they kept their faith and made friends with some of the Indians and even had a celebration dinner (which was quite a bit different from what most of us recently had on Thanksgiving,

But history can be fickle.  The Jamestown Colony was founded in 1607, thirteen years before the Plymouth Rock landing.  Yes, the weather was probably better in Jamestown (especially in the winter), but, this colony doesn’t receive the same recognition.

Let alone the first North American colony from European settlers at Saint Augustine Florida in 1565 - fifty-five years before the Pilgrims settled in Massachusetts.  

And, so white Europeans came to North America.  The rest of the early history shows, unfortunately, the normal movement of people.  The Native Americans (aka “Indians”) were shoved off their lands, got infected by white man’s diseases.  Eventually, with the ‘manifest destiny’ concept that white Americans of European descent ‘deserved’ to have the whole United States.  We used (and abused) Black Slaves, we moved Native Americans to reservations.  Where was Jefferson’s words “... that All Men are Created Equal” listened too?  Not even to Jefferson, who had slaves on his property.  

Mankind’s history has been too much about hating other groups.  The Hebrews, that were freed from Egypt by Moses, were told to kill all the inhabitants of the land of Canaan.  

Yes, we have killed others that are different than us, and that “we” in pretty much all mankind.  In the Middle East we have Sunni against Shia; and most of the Islamic governments against Israel,  Even in this past year, Americans have built walls to keep people out.  The famed “Melting Pot” maybe isn’t melting as much as it once was.  

I fall back on Jefferson’s words “We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable rights, that among these are life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.”  Are only white men allowed these rights?  It took many years to free slaves, to let women vote, and maybe even now to recognize that some people are just different - maybe in intelligence, maybe in sexual preference, maybe in the color of their skin, or (heaven forbid) in our beliefs in God.  

I admit to being pretty ignorant and maybe a Pollyanna, seeing the good in people, even when there isn’t much good to see.  The murder on death row is still a human, although he or she may have acted like an animal in the past.  

And, in my final thoughts to Thanksgiving - we can all give thanks - even when there isn’t much to be thankful about.  In thirty years, more or less, I will be gone from this planet.  Will it be a better place because of me?  That has to be one of my goals in my senior years.

I hope you have enjoyed your Thanksgiving, however, you celebrated - maybe even with shopping on Black Friday.

Hugs!!

Karen


Friday, November 29, 2019

Black Friday


Coaching for Life Success:  Black Friday thoughts
The article states:
Black Friday is November 29, 2019, the day after Thanksgiving. It's traditionally the busiest shopping day of the year because it kicks off the holiday season. This season is crucial for the economy because around 30 percent of annual retail sales occur between Black Friday and Christmas. For some retailers, such as jewelers, it's even higher, at almost 40 percent.”
With the law of averages would suggest that any one month should be about 8.33% of the year (or 1/12th as a fraction).  So the month between Thanksgiving and Christmas amounting to 30% of the annual retail sales is a big deal for retailers!!
And it isn’t just “Black Friday”, but Cyber Monday, Green Monday, and even Cyber Monday #2!!!
Cyber Monday has changed some from the early days of Cyber Monday.  It then was when a worker returned to work (and high-speed internet) from the Thanksgiving Weekend.  With dial-up internet (like AOL - American OnLine) things were slow.  So, as people went to work and had higher speed internet, they bought things online - so “Cyber Monday”.  As our society has moved to high-speed internet at home and at work, this has tapered off some.  
Green Monday is the last day to shop and mail presents in order for them to reach the recipient by December 25th.  It also couples with Cyber Monday #2 as people can order things online to be delivered by Christmas.
I am not sure if I will partake in Black Friday this year.  I don’t really need anything - it is just ‘stuff’.  I will want to buy presents for my grandchildren, but I will ask my children what my grandchildren want.  Giving gifts that are not appreciated (like the time I gave my sister towels) isn’t a good plan.

So, what about you?  Any super discounts, ‘door busters’, or things that will prompt you to get up at 4:00 to get to the stores opening at 5:00?

Hugs!!

Karen


Enjoy your shopping - I will be enjoying my trip!!!
Bruce


Thursday, November 28, 2019

Thanksgiving song


Coaching for Life Success - Getting ready for Thanksgiving
My brain has snippets of the old Thanksgiving song we learned as children.  So, I found it on the internet (what did we do for song lyrics and trivia answers before the internet?)
Over the river and through the woods,
To grandmother's* house we go;
The horse knows the way to carry the sleigh,
Thru the white and drifted snow, oh!

Over the river and thru the woods,
Oh, how the wind does blow!
It stings the toes and bites the nose,
As over the ground we go.

Over the river and thru the wood,
To have a first-rate play;
Oh, hear the bell ring, "Ting-a-ling-ling!"
Hurrah for Thanksgiving Day-ay!

Over the river and thru the woods,
Trot fast my dapple gray!
Spring over the ground like a hunting hound,
For this is Thanksgiving Day! 

Over the river and through the woods,
And straight through the barnyard gate.
We seem to go extremely slow, 
It is so hard to wait!

Over the river and through the woods,
Now Grandmother's cap I spy!
Hurrah for fun! Is the pudding done?
Hurrah for the pumpkin pie!

While my grandparents are long gone, and I’m a grandfather to five wonderful grandchildren (who are all six years old for three more months), it is still good to have traditions.  I am already thinking of turkey (white meat please), mashed potatoes (hmmm - how long has it been since I had real mashed potatoes - or really potatoes other than French Fries?), and Green-Bean-Casserole (with French Fried onion rings on top).  Over the years, I’ve even learned to (first) tolerate and (later) like pumpkin pie.  And, sweet potatoes and cranberries as well.  And then, fall asleep in the living room during a football game.

That is my/our traditions. But, different families and different cultures do things in different ways.  Some might also have oysters, others pasta.  

Our society is also changing.  I’m not sure I knew any vegans or vegetarians growing up, but now I know plenty.  Bread?  But what about those with the gluten allergies?  Are you using milk to make your mashed potatoes creamy?  But, Aunt Connie is lactose intolerant.  Are the various items organic?  What did the cooks use for pans?  Was it copper free (or is that the other way around)?  
We, in America, are becoming diverse.  Should we have tamales in Texas for Thanksgiving?  Curry seasoning? Rice?  

In spite of differences, make we should focus on the day - a day to give Thanks.  And, even that day, we can give Thanks to God - however we think of Him or Her (or to no god at all).  It is good to take a day off, with family, friends, great food, great traditions, and reflect on what is good - and give thanks for that!!

What about you?

Karen


Wednesday, November 27, 2019

Worry-free - part III


Worry-Free - part III

(Last in a series of three)

We have been looking at worry.  Yesterday, I referred to Matthew 6:27 “Can anyone of you by worrying, add a single hour to your life?”

#7 Keep your hands busy
Do you knit? Crochet?  Do crossword puzzles or jigsaw puzzles?  Keeping your hands and mind busy on other projects can keep worry away.

Proverbs 16:27 says this: “ Idle hands are the devil’s workshop; idle lips are his mouthpiece.”  If you are staying busy, you have less time to brood, fret and worry!!

The article says: “Engaging in activities that keep your hands busy and mind distracted could help prevent flashbacks from traumatic experiences”.

#8 Meditate
Turn your back on worries as you meditate and/or pray.  

The article says “Taking some time to find some Zen can really help anxiety in your brain — even brain scans say so. A study published earlier this year in the journal Social Cognitive and Affective Neuroscience showed that meditation training not only lower anxiety levels in people, but it also had effects on the anterior cingulate cortex and ventromedial prefrontal cortex brain regions (the former region controls emotions and thinking, the latter controls worrying).”

I try to start my mornings with scripture reading, meditation, and prayer.  (And, no way am I perfect!!).  

And, a question for you:  “What were you worried about last year at this time?” or “What were you worried about five years ago at this time of year?”.  Did your worry at that time accomplish anything other than stress in your life?  Probably not.

#9 Get your heart pumping

An almost universal suggestion for so many things is ‘get some exercise’.  

The article has these words of wisdom for us: “Exercise may be a predictable way to beat stress, but it’s only predictable because it’s so effective. Research in animals, for instance, shows that exercise can affect brain activity of serotonin (a so-called “happy” brain chemical) as well as reduce the effects of oxidative stress, The New York Times reported. And Well and Good points out studies showing that exercise interventions can result in lower anxiety levels than people who stay tied to the couch. “Several studies have found the effects of aerobic exercise to be initially similar to those of medication,” Jeff Dolgan, an exercise physiologist at Canyon Ranch Hotel & Spa in Miami Beach, told Well and Good. “However, in the long term, exercise seems to work better”.

Hey, I want serotonin flowing in my brain!!!  Set aside time for exercise every day!!!

For all who are traveling for Thanksgiving, be safe!!  May God bless you and your loved ones as you take time to give thanks!!

Hugs!!

Karen


Tuesday, November 26, 2019

Worry-Free - part II


Worry-Free

Yesterday I started a three-day series on worrying.  Let’s see what the linked article has to say today

#4 Accept the worry and move on

Yes, there could be a problem, but spending most of your waking hours worrying about it does solve the problem.  

The article says:  “Worrying about worrying is a dangerous cycle to fall in

Therefore, people who get caught up in worry when they try to force themselves to stop worrying may want to try a different strategy — acceptance.”

Let’s take some examples.  “We will not have enough money by the end of the year to pay our taxes.”  That sounds dire.  Sure, it depends on the circumstances.  Did a colossal situation occur? Did you lose your job?  Did your business fail?  Fretting about the situation isn’t going to change it.  What solutions might there be?  Talk to the tax people about making a payment plan?  Sell your house (even at a loss) and move on?  Seek counseling (there are good financial counseling options available)? 

I recently read about a quasi-governmental organization that missed its budget and will have to lay people off.  This is not a good time of the year to get laid off with Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Year's coming up.  Hey, it happened.  Can you do anything about it - other than worry?  Move on, accept the situation and find a new position.

#5 Write your worries down
Take a piece of paper and write those worries down.  If you are tempted to think about them, you can point at them and said, ‘Yes, I am aware of my problems’.

One research study from the University of Chicago talking about student’s fears and worried about exams said, “Letting all your emotions out on paper before a big exam could help decrease test-taking worry. It might be counterintuitive, but it’s almost as if you empty the fears out of your mind,”

#6 Cut yourself some slack
If you could look behind the scenes in almost every person’s life, you could find something to worry about.  It might be a relative with cancer; or your employment situation; or some other problem.  Might Bill Gates or Warren Buffet have problems?  Sure - they have money - but there could be other issues.  Warren Buffet is 89 years old.  Maybe he is in excellent health, but it might be that his wife, brothers, sisters, others are not in such great health.
Matthew 6:27 says: “Can anyone of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?”

We will finish this tomorrow.  Now stop worrying about how much food to prepare for Thanksgiving - relax and enjoy that great holiday of gratitude!!!

Hugs!!

Karen


Monday, November 25, 2019

Be Worry-Free


I was reading an article that indicated that worry is related to increased chances of dementia. (Note, not Alzheimer's), so I thought I would look at worry and anxiety for a couple of days.
The article starts with a quote from Corrie ten Boom, a survivor of a Nazi concentration camp. “Worry does not empty tomorrow of its sorrow. It empties today of its strength.”
#1 Set aside a time to worry!!
When I read this, I thought “isn’t this article trying to tell us not to worry”. But indirectly, the author’s suggestion is to have a specific time to worry every day. Set aside 30 minutes to worry, and then throughout the rest of the day, don’t allow yourself to worry. Tell yourself if a worry comes up that you will look at that worry in the designated worry time. In effect, you take 23.5 hours out of the day as a worry-free time.
The article has this four-step method:
“Penn State researchers found in a 2011 study that a four-step stimulus control program could help seriously stressed people take control of their anxieties.
Step one: Identify the object of worry.
Step two: Come up with a time and place to think about said worry.
Step three: If you catch yourself worrying at a time other than your designated worry time, you must make a point to think of something else.
Step four: Use your “worry time” productively by thinking of solutions to the worries.
I have a friend who is trying to conserve her money for retirement, but she worries about a lot of things ‘what if we have a hail storm and our roof gets wiped out?’; ‘what if our air conditioner goes out - it is old and will need to be replaced’. Yes, both of those items (and more) are costly, but what about solutions? Put some cheap shingles on the roof now, that will absorb the hail if it comes. Get a good air conditioning specialist to help you plan for replacing the air conditioner. Set aside an amount each month for the major repairs that may (or may not) occur in the future.
#2 Get off the computer
The article described this situation: “A recent study from Anxiety UK showed that nearly half of people feel “worried or uncomfortable” being away from email or Facebook.”
I don’t have a television (not everybody can do that) and I don’t have many worries. And, (even though this is posted on Facebook), I don’t peruse Facebook as much as I did even a few months ago. My unplanned ‘vacation’ [to the mental health facility] was an unplanned four-day break from all electronics!!!
#3 Be mindful
The article had this thought: “The most effective strategies to stop worrying and rumination may be ones based in mindfulness, which involves nonjudgmental awareness of present thoughts and emotions, as well as cognitive-behavioral therapy strategies, according to the University of Surrey review of 19 studies”.
I am still half trying mindfulness. If I am walking outside, notice the grass, trees, even house colors. What might the grass feel as I step on it?
So are you a worrier? Do you wake up at night thinking of some calamity waiting to happen? I’ll look at some additional comments tomorrow!!
See you then!!
Hugs!!
Karen
worrying 

Sunday, November 24, 2019

Uber and Binge Drinking


Uber and drinking binges!!

I subscribe to Morning Brew - a daily news summary.  This article (out of Morning Brew) indicates that heavy binge drinking grows when Uber comes to town.  Huh?

But, as I thought about it, it makes sense.  If I go out drinking and get too drunk to drive home (which, by-the-way has never happened), I’ll call a cab.  But Uber is more user-friendly and generally cheaper.  

The article states: “A study published last week analyzed ridesharing's effects on binge drinking. Turns out, heavy drinking (three-plus instances of binge drinking per month) jumped 9% on average within a couple of years following Uber’s arrival in a new market. 
  • In cities without public transportation, instances of binge drinking shot up around 20%.  
  • Employment at bars and restaurants increased 2% on average. “
Another related article states: “Some of that change is for the good—a 2017 study showed that alcohol-related car crashes in Portland, Oregon, dropped 62% when Uber resumed operations after a temporary break. “

So, it is okay to get skunk-drunk if you get a cheap ride home.  

Interesting


Saturday, November 23, 2019

Gratitude #2


Let’s give THANKS - part II

Thanksgiving is next week.  Here are some ideas to practice gratitude every day!!  Today we continue from the link above

#6 Make gratitude part of your shutdown at work.  
As a professor, I could have picked up my book bag and at the door of my office just say “Thank you God for a great day”   (But, I didn’t)

Like we have written about many times, GIGO - Garbage in, Garbage Out.  Practicing gratitude like this article suggests is a way of programming our brains to focus on the good, to be thankful for what we have.

I don’t like comparing myself to others, but it might be okay to think of conditions in some third world countries that we don’t even think about.  I have a place, with heat, air conditioning, running water, a toilet, a bathtub/shower, a comfortable bed, electricity, a refrigerator full of food, and a computer.  I’m not sure of the statistics, but that puts me in the top 20% of the world.  And, like most Americans, I take those things for granted.  

#7 Express gratitude to your boss
(For KB).  I can only suggest “try it”.  We do have toxic people in our lives, but we really don’t know what is going on in their brains.  Does a loved one of theirs have cancer?  Do they have cancer - or aches and pains?  Maybe their crabbiness comes from inside them.  In the past six months, I have become good friends with two different women who had been abused by their father when they were girls.  How can they (or we) possibly be grateful for an abusive parent, spouse, neighbor, coach, teacher, or other?  It can only be a supernatural act to give thanks for a toxic or abusive boss, or parent.  On my own, on your own, how can you forgive and give thanks for the jerks in your life?  It is very tough!!!

#8 Write a thank you note.
Okay, “Karen failure time” (again).  Two weeks ago, I got several thank you cards at the local dollar store, with the intent to thank some special people in my life.  Those notes, still unwritten are on my desk.  What is holding me back?  Inertia?  C’mon Karen!!  Send the notes TODAY!!!

And I will end this post and this series with the last point in the article

#9 Take a gratitude picture every day.  Yesterday, this started with a suggestion to have a “gratitude journal”.  If we are to be grateful for EVERYTHING why not take pictures of things and put the picture with your daily journal.  Today, I could take a picture of my crockpot who has two Chicken Breasts cooking (with some peppers, potatoes, tomatoes, and onions - no, I didn’t follow a recipe). At dinner time tonight, I will be grateful for cooked food.  And, even through the day, I will be grateful for the aroma filling my apartment.
So, this article suggests we “Practice an attitude of gratitude”.  I sure can do more of that!!!

Hugs - and wishes for a great Thanksgiving!!!

Karen
,  

Friday, November 22, 2019

Gratitude #1


 Let’s give THANKS

Thanksgiving is next week.  Here are some ideas to practice gratitude every day!!

#1 Commit to give thanks IN everything, not just FOR something.

I’ve commented on this before, but in the New Testament, 1 Thessalonians chapter 5, verse 19 says: “In everything give thanks.”

Not just in the good times, but (maybe especially) in the bad times.  It is a commitment - every day, every hour.  As you wake up do you say “Thank you God for a new day?”,  As you dress, do you think “I have been blessed to have clothes to wear”, As you eat, do you think or even say a blessing over your food? 

The article emphasized the words IN EVERYTHING  What does that mean to you?  As you stubbed your toe, as you cut yoursef with a knife, as you have to buy new tires for the car as the old ones are so worn - do you give thanks? 

#2  Keep a gratitude journal.
The article suggests just five minutes a day.  Maybe as the first thing in the morning, you can think of all that happened yesterday and give thanks for it.  Be thankful we have a President, Congress, Governor, Mayor, police, teachers, but the gratitude for things in your life. 

1 Timothy chapter 2 verse 1 says: “I urge, then, first of all, that petitions, prayers, intercession and thanksgiving be made for all people— for kings and all those in authority, that we may live peaceful and quiet lives in all godliness and holiness.” 

Even if you like or don’t like the President, this seems to indicate that we are to be thankful for, and pray for, our leaders.

#3 Start your prayers with gratitude
I know that not all people pray, but if you do, count your blessings!!  Put peace deep inside you.  And, even if you don’t pray, ALWAYS have an “attitude of gratitude”

#4 Tell your spouse things you are grateful for at bedtime.
Like bookends, start and end your day in gratitude.  In my opinion, gratitude at bedtime can set the night for restful sleep as your mind remembers your grateful attitude.

#5  Express gratitude at the start of every hour.
I have a friend that for a time set the alarm on his iPhone to go off at five minutes before the hour.  (I think it didn’t set it for the hour as many meetings start at the top of the hour).  The article suggests taking about 30 seconds to be grateful.
So, how about you?  Are you grateful to be alive? (Aside, after my ‘vacation in the mental hospital a month ago, I am relearning being grateful to be alive).

Hugs!!

Karen


Thursday, November 21, 2019

Toxic People - part IV

Toxic People IV


This is my fourth day writing about toxic people.  I am pulling some ideas out of the article


#8  Toxic people like to put you down
But, non-toxic people like to encourage you.  In my new world, I’m finding lots of other women who like to compliment me.  Yesterday a person said, “I love your necklace”. That is supportive. I can’t remember the toxic people I have known saying much in terms of encouragement - unless it was a back-hand compliment “You look good today, as compared to the terrible outfit you wore yesterday”


#9 Toxic people are frequently insecure so they put on bravado.
I have a friend that is so willing to tell me how great he is - I sense he is insecure and is trying to build himself up.  Maybe I don’t have much to brag about, so, no need to brag on my part!!


#10 Toxic people seem to give vague answers to questions.
Maybe it is the insecurity involved, but sometimes direct answers are more appropriate.  (Okay, I sometimes fail on this one. I might have an opinion and I might guess it is different than the person I am talking to, and I don’t want to offend them.  Politics is one of those areas that I rarely share my opinions - because they are just opinions. )


#11 Toxic people like to avoid responsibility
It seems like some toxic people like to blame others, when an honest “Yes, I made a mistake” reply might really be the best.  President Harry Truman had a sign on his desk “The buck stops here” (and he wasn’t talking about male deer in his backyard). An online dictionary defines that phrase as “the responsibility for something cannot or should not be passed to someone else.”


#12 Toxic people can try to manipulate you with smooth words
The articles call this ‘false kindness’.  I like the adage “If you can be anything, be kind”.  Kindness is really appreciated!!


#13 Toxic people like to focus on the problem
And, not on the solution.  Pointing fingers doesn’t really solve the problem, but working together focuses on the solution.  


So, a couple of days looking at toxic people.  Two things still stick in my mind “Love one another”.  And “I really only love God as much as I love the person I love the least.”.


Turn the other cheek is never a popular action.  Love your enemies is not a popular concept.  


Let me finish by quoting 1 Corinthians 13: “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.”


What do you think? Can you conquer toxic people with love?  Have you tried?  

Karen