Making Friends 2

Making Friends #2

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/friendship-20/201605/10-ways-make-and-keep-friendships-adult

A few days ago I started a series on making adult friends. 

As an adult I have moved a few times and had to make new friends - or friends have moved away from me and I have lost them (even if we stay in touch).

I started with these two points:

1)  Making friends is a matter of health (the article says “Did you know that poor-quality social support is the mortality-risk equivalent of smoking 15 cigarettes per day?”)

2) Embrace Quality and not Quantity (does 1,000 Facebook ‘friends” really make for good friends?

Let’s continue with the next two points today:

3) Ride out transitions

The article says “Not only is it harder to make new friends when you no longer have the automatic proximity you had to peers in your school days, but it is common (and natural) to have friendships wither away when life transitions shift the relationship—from a geographical move to a change in job to marriage, kids, retirement, health issues, or divorce. “

Yowl!!  In the past three years, my marriage as fallen apart (with divorce on the horizon) I have retired, I am in a new community, I am estranged from my children (and maybe more significant for me - my five precious grandchildren), plus had some major health issues - both physical and mental health issues!!

My parents have been role models for me in my life.  In their early 80’s, they moved from their lifelong location (Cedar Rapids, Iowa) to their final location (Grand Rapids, Michigan area).  

They had some initial stability as my sister and brother-in-law were close by and they had immediate family.  But, they made new friends - quality friends. Even now some eight years later, I hear (mostly from my sister) about people coming up and saying “Your parents were special people”.  

You can’t make new friends by sitting at home and watching television!!  You have to get active in life. My parents got active in their new church (which was my sister/brother-in-law’s church), joined an active senior walking group, played cards (bridge and Euchre).  They celebrated birthdays with their new friends (my mother made ‘birthday sashes’) and became part of their new community. Transitions can be hard - but they are manageable - but you must make an efffort.

4) Expect some false starts

The article says “Making friends takes effort, and here’s a reality check: You need some failed attempts. Would you expect to marry the first person you ever dated? Not every friendship you attempt will get off the ground, either. It’s not something to take personally; building friendships is a process that takes time, and is in many ways a numbers game.  

Where friendships and relationships may have come easier when we were younger - and more involved in our children’s activities or in our work environments, our change in status can make it harder.  I thought one particular person was going to be a great friend and we were going to be consultants together and that fizzed before it really started.  

The article ends this section with this: “And here’s the beautiful thing about false starts: Each and every one gives you a little more insight about how to refine your friend search, and it gets you a little bit closer to finding a good match.

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My take-aways on this is that solid, quality friendships do require work - but the time and effort involved are worth it in the long run!!  

I hope you all have fantastic friends and even with the ups-and-downs of life you have friends and supporters and you also are a friend and supporter for others!!

Hugs!!

Karen