Making Friends #5

Making Friends #5

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/friendship-20/201605/10-ways-make-and-keep-friendships-adult

I'm doing a series on making and keeping friends and this is the last one!!

#9 Get rid of poisonous friendships

The article says this:

“Is there a long-standing pattern of stress, imbalance, or resentment within a friendship? Do you consistently dread spending time with a friend, or leave them feeling drained? Do you not like who you become with that person?

Clearing away the emotional debris of toxic relationships is imperative to make way for healthier ones. The inertia of unhealthy friendships can be strong: Guilt, fear, and familiarity can keep us in them much longer than is good for us. But if you can bring yourself to make some real changes, you’ll have even more room for healthier relationships.”

I don’t need toxic people in my life -although there are some.  sometimes relatives can be toxic - and you can’t get rid of relatives!!  (Well, you can, but murder is frowned upon!!!)

These people are a drain on you.  I was with a couple last week where the woman was being toxic to her husband.  The man was taking it, but not always wanting to hear it.  They have been married for many years, but unless the poison is removed, it will be a difficult situation for them as they grow older. 

Does Aunt Jane make you feel guilty when you visit her?  Does she lash out with her tongue?  It can be difficult to take.  And, unfortunately, Aunt Jane is like that to everybody.  Love is the only way to approach her.  Remember Aunt Jane when she was young and vibrant, rather than one and decrepit.  (And, if you are an “Aunt Jane” type, you need to become more loving even if you are in constant pain).

#10 Remember the little things

Again, from the article we have this:

“We often get so bogged down with perfection that we sabotage ourselves, like the person so focused on "owning" their friend a nice, long email response that they put it off and fail to respond at all. But done is better than perfect. So you neglected to plan a big surprise for your friend’s big birthday? Don’t let that stop you from bringing over her favorite candy and some flowers. So you missed your wonderful coworker’s baby shower? Don’t let that keep you from stopping by with a casserole. Just a simple, heartfelt or funny note—on real, touchable paper—is the type of small thing that adds up to a beautiful lifetime of true friendship.”

“Because it's not grandiose gestures that make up a friendship over the course of the lifespan; it's the consistency of connecting, no matter how small it sometimes needs to be.”

OH NO!!!  I want to write the perfect note to SS - a great former student of mine - who is so smart and talented (he works in IT - plus develops smartphone apps - and also has written a solid technology book).  After seeing this item, I am convicted of being a bad friend to this great young man!!

Moving to a new topic tomorrow!!!

See you then!!

Karen