Making Friends #3

Making Friends #3

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/friendship-20/201605/10-ways-make-and-keep-friendships-adult

A few days ago I started a series on making adult friends. 

As an adult, I have moved a few times and had to make new friends - or friends have moved
away from me and I have lost them (even if we stay in touch).

I’ve discussed four points so far:

1)  Making friends is a matter of health (the article says “Did you know that poor-quality
social support is the mortality-risk equivalent of smoking 15 cigarettes per day?”)

2) Embrace Quality and not Quantity (does 1,000 Facebook ‘friends” really make for good friends?

3) Ride out transitions - the moves, the divorces, the death of a spouse, the other
transitions in life.

4) Expect some false starts - where the person you think will be a great friend doesn’t pan out.

Let’s continue with the next two points today:

5) Commit to community

The article says:

“Friendship is not just about a one-on-one relationship, but it can also entail the good feelings
you get from being part of something bigger than you. Traditional communities involve
neighborhoods, workplaces, and places of worship, but new ones can be built in any way you
desire.”

In the past year, in my new environment, I have committed to community.  I have been part of
two bridge groups and have cut that to one group. But, that group is so fun.  The laughter just
rings from this group. There are hugs and feelings that grow from being friends.  

Last Sunday, two of us singles were invited to a bridge night at one of the couples.  It was a
delightful evening of some bridge, more laughter, good food (and drink), and community.

I am also committed to my church community.  It is farther away in my new environment,
but my friends are there - so the extra miles are really not a problem to drive.  The worship is
authentic, and the fellowship is real.

And, also last weekend, I went to a Sunday brunch that seems like it will be a new community
for me as well.  Plus going to the “First Friday” dance at the senior center with a group of friends.
Yes, embrace community

6)  Focus on follow-up!!  

The article says that sometimes the little things make a difference:

“Often it’s not meeting people that’s hard; perhaps you even have more small-talk partners
than you know what to do with. But many people get trapped at this first, superficial level,
because they lack the courage or know-how to go a bit deeper. Bring up something that was
talked about in the last conversation. Remember little things and ask about them. Reveal
something that leaves you a bit vulnerable. Suggest a spontaneous outing, splurge for an
extra ticket for something off-the-cuff. Give a compliment. Suggest someone follow up with a
text to let you know how something went that was important to them. Offer them a resource—
even just a link that you heard about—that you'll text them later. The only way to go from
talking about the weather to being friends for decades is to start with a nudge of making
things more personal and continuous.”

I like getting cards at the dollar store and sending little notes of appreciation.  To make a friend,
you have to be a friend. That sometimes opens us to be vulnerable - and that can be both
scary and fulfilling.  I also just finished sending eight friends “Good Morning” text messages!!
I am learning - but still a work in progress!!

How about you?  Are you making and keeping great friends?

Karen