Toxic People - part 1

Dealing with Toxic people - again

https://www.lifehack.org/283358/15-ways-clever-people-handle-toxic-people

It seems lately that I’ve bumped into people who are dealing with toxic or troublesome people in their life.  So, I thought maybe I could look at what the literature suggests for dealing with toxic people.

#1 Ignore the toxic people

The article suggests that toxic people frequently just want attention.  

The article says: “It usually begins with small actions, interrupting people or talking over them, being unnecessarily loud or obnoxious, or acting out. Usually, if they do not get the attention they crave, their actions become more drastic,starting arguments, throwing a tantrum or acting destructively.”

One friend has a ‘friend’ (?) who calls her frequently, interrupts, asks bothersome questions and is generally obnoxious.  This suggests to just ignore them. Don’t answer the call if it is the toxic person. Make it so they don’t really exist - ignore them.

#2 Toxic people can be gossipers 

Yup!!  “Toxic people will share deep secrets with people just to seem momentarily interesting and they will frequently judge or gossip about people behind their backs. If you meet somebody who does this, do not be fooled into thinking that they are gossiping with you because they like you or trust you. They will just as easily betray your trust. Toxic people will often talk behind someone's back to you in the hopes that they will agree with them. They will then go and tell the other person what you said.”

Gossip - is rarely good.  I like the old adage, if you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all. Socrates said it this way “If what you want to say is neither true, nor good or kind, nor useful or necessary, please don't say anything at all.” (although I’m pretty sure he didn’t say that in English!!)

I know there are times I’d love to share some terrible thoughts about another, but I can’t - that is gossip - and that is not good!!!

#3 Spend time with trustworthy and loyal friends.

There are 24 hours in a day - and you sleep for part of that.  So, why spend your valuable time with a toxic person - instead spend your time with your good friends.  

If this is a work situation, try not to spend too much time more than necessarily with the toxic person.  Yes, you have to work with that person, just limit your exposure to the toxicity.

#4 Don’t manipulate people

The article says this:  “Manipulative people will ruin your life. They will callously manipulate your feelings in order to make you act in a certain way to further their goals. Compulsively manipulative people often have few redeemable qualities, so it is worth avoiding them altogether. In order to avoid them, however, you must first recognize the signs of a manipulative person. Do you find yourself constantly feeling strong or unstable emotions when they are around; anger, irritation, sadness, or inadequacy? Do you often question why they might have said something? Do you get the suspicion that you’re being deceived? If so, it is likely that the person is trying to toy with your emotions, and are best avoided.”

Be your own person - don’t let others manipulate you!!  (I find this can be true with political zealots.) I do have my opinions, but I try not to force my opinions on others and I can get irritated when others try to force their opinions on me.

I do feel sorry for toxic people - for gossips, manipulators, for naysayers.  Try to stay positive and take the high road.  

More tomorrow!!

Karen