Toxicity and Love - a diversion

Yesterday I started a series on Toxic People.

I will go back to that tomorrow, but today, I wanted to look at toxic people through “rose-colored glasses”.

I haven’t seen or heard the term “rose-colored” glasses for a few years.  Maybe that term has gone out of use. Today, I’m going to use it almost in a faith context.  As I understand and use the term, it is finding the good in a person and overlooking their faults.  

Maybe it is like a parent of a 25-year-old son who has gone astray.  Maybe the son has gotten into drugs or crime. The son has become “toxic”.  But, his mother still sees the man as her son - the son she carried for nine-months during pregnancy - the son whose diapers she changed - the son who played catch with his dad - the son who took mowed the grass - the son who grew up and had potential but somehow lost his way.

Psychologists tell us we can only change one person - ourselves.  We might try to change somebody else, but ultimately, we can only affect our own behaviors, thoughts, and actions.

Lately, I have seen people with mental issues (including myself).  I met a young lady with cut marks up and down her arm from where she has tried to hurt herself.  (And, maybe there are cuts other places on her body as well). I met several who admitted to drug usage - even heroin, cocaine.  There were others like my friends PC and KD who were alcoholics and attempted to kill themselves.  

Some of them could be toxic.  

And … maybe some of us (or maybe most of us) … can be toxic in our own right.  

I don’t have a halo around my head.  I am not always loving and kind. When I am tired, I can get cranky.  When I am in a rush, I might not say “thank you” to the check-out clerk. I might not smile at all I meet.

In my Judeo-Christian heritage, I view that God sees us through “Blood colored glasses”.  My Jewish friends have a rich heritage of ‘blood-colored glasses’ - from that first Passover.  There the blood of the unblemished lamb was painted on the people's doors so that the angel of death might pass over that house without killing the firstborn son.  

Again, my Jewish friends had prescribed blood events - if you sinned, you could bring an animal sacrifice to the priests for atonement.

As a Christian, God still sees me through “Blood Colored glasses” - but in the Christian view, the blood comes from the perfect “lamb”.  As John the Baptist said, “Behold the Lamb of God who takes away the sins of the world”.  

So, how does this fit into toxic people?  As I have been reflecting on toxic people, maybe the best I can do is love them.

I’ve used the quote from Dorothy Day before ““I really only love God as much as I love the person I love the least.”.  

Jesus summed up the Old Testament law by saying we are to:  “Love the Lord our God with all our heart, all our mind, all your soul and all your strength”  He then followed it with “Love your neighbor as yourself”.

Yes, tomorrow I will go back to what “Lifehack.org” suggests for dealing with Toxic People - but it will be tempered with “blood-colored glasses” and love.  Like most, I might view toxic people as people I can’t possibly love (or in effect - people that I hate) - but if I am trying to live Dorothy Day’s quote about the person I love the least - that takes ‘hate’ out of the equation.  

Several months ago, a person that I play with in one of my music groups wrote this to me “Why don't you take your queer ass to some queer bar and play. You disgust me and we are a family-oriented group.”

Guess what?  I am to love this person - unconditionally in my philosophy.  

For I believe - truly believe - that love does conquer.  “Love one another” - and the only person that can do that is you!!

Hugs!!

Karen