I said NO and I mean it - you little brat!!

I said NO and I mean it!!!
https://www.psychologytoday.com/…/how-the-word-no-can-be-ha…

Parents (and grandparents):
This article poses this question: “How often does a child ask for something, or do something, or act in ways that need to be corrected? How does hearing the word no impact a child’s development? When does it become detrimental?

“While the word “no” is not in and of itself a problem, constantly hearing negative feedback can be detrimental to a child's healthy development. As children grow, they are constantly exploring who they are and testing their limits.

“How a child is redirected or disciplined can make a big difference in his or her self-esteem. Clear communication works great. Off-handed comments about a child's appearance, their likeability, or their intelligence can become internalized in ways that reinforce negative beliefs about themselves.

“While there is great value in helping children and adolescents make better decisions, the problems arise when the corrective statements start to eat away at their belief in themselves. Children who receive constant criticism can feel that they can’t do anything right and give up trying. This can lead to them trying to escape these feelings with dangerous behaviors such as drugs or self-harm.

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So, what is this article getting at?

To me, it suggests that we may need to say “no” - but within reason. Yelling at a child generally isn’t good (although there may be times - like “DON’T TOUCH THE STOVE”.) I see this all-too-frequently in the grocery store. Some frustrated mother losing her cool and yelling at Johnny (or Janey). Quietly saying that Mom doesn’t have money today for the gigantic box of cereal, or that the huge box of almost-all-sugar candy will give them a stomachache can help children find their boundaries. And, if you didn’t already know it, children love to push boundaries!!

Have you heard? “All the other kids in my class have a new iPhone.” Our daughter was very good - but kids pushed their parents with the word “All”. ALL my friends are going to the “R” rated movie!! (I am very willing to guess that NOT all of the child’s friends are going to that movie.

“Constantly hearing negative feedback can be detrimental to a child's healthy development.” I’ve heard parents tell their children that they are terrible, disgusting, dumb, and worse. I hear parents swear at their children. Maybe that was how the parent was raised, but all negative feedback cuts to the child’s base mentality. Gangs can prey on that - the gangs will give positive feedback to their recruits. The kid gets no respect at home and finds respect and acceptance in other places.

Or, the child finds acceptance in drugs or alcohol - kind of “let me drink away my problems”; “let me forget this life where I am constantly rejected”.

(Note, this might not apply to grandparents - I have trouble saying ‘no’ to my grandchildren!!! Aren’t grandparents to spoil their grandchildren?)

Hugs!!

Karen