Loving the unlovable
I’m taking today off from my philosophy
thoughts. It relates somewhat to dealing with toxic people, but
differently.
In the first article, the author tells of a day
in his aunt’s life - where her daughter fell out of a boat, and her husband
jumped in after her. Neither one could swim, and both died that day. The aunt went through ‘hell’. She eventually became a heroin addict,
convicted felon, and more.
She became unlovable from this tragic turn of
events.
The author has these suggestions:
1. Don’t treat people the way they treat you;
treat people the way God treats you.
Maybe not quite the golden rule, (Do unto others
as you would have them do to you) - but similar. Treat all people - maybe
even more so with unlovable people - with love and respect.
2. Invest into people at strategic “low points.”
The author suggests ‘investing’ in people is
like investing in stock - “buy low and sell high’. Invest in somebody
when they are down and out. They aren’t
going to repay you for your kindness, but they will know and remember it.
Be there to support them, when all others are turning their backs. (Yes, when I was ‘down and out’ a couple of
months ago, AP, JO, and JW found me and invested in me. When I announced
I was transgender, some old great friends abandoned me, but out-of-the-woodwork
came a lot of new friends. Last Sunday at Church, two separate ladies I barely know came up and hugged me and both told me they
were proud of me!!
3. But, expect nothing in return.
(AP - if you are reading this, ignore this
point). My friend AP has truly gone out of her way to love me when I was
down. I have a little Christmas gift for her - a small token. But, I don’t want her to think she has to
give me anything - she has given me more than Christmas gifts - she has given me her
love!! And, a 'how to speak Texan" book. There is a Biblical story of when Jesus was visiting a
high-ranking official, and a woman came in and washed his feet with her tears
and dried them with her hair. The
article says, “Real love requires a willingness to serve someone even when they
are in no position to repay you.”)
I think of Mother Teresa in Calcutta serving the
‘poorest of the poor’. She gave food, medicine, and care, and sometimes
she even got spit at and cursed. She served and didn’t expect things in
return.
4. Balance “tough love” with compassion.
You might have to show tough love. When
the unlovable person wants money for heroin or for alcohol, you know that will
keep them down. How do you say ‘no’ to a con artist who begs for their
next hit or their next drink? Tough love
- might even mean legal action, such as getting the person into a rehab program
- but with compassion at the heart of the matter.
5. Don’t quit on them and don’t let them quit on
themselves.
If the person gets really down and yells at you
to leave them - don’t leave!! You might be the only friend they
have. Stick with them - when they are
dirty, when they are unlovable when nobody else will be there with them.
6. Build a connection
Go back, week-after-week, support them, show
them love even when they only show you hate and contempt. After a while, they will stop kicking you because you do really care.
7. Meet Anger with kindness.
Again, Mother Teresa showed kindness to the
people. If you can be anything - be kind!!!
What do you think?
Are you ready to go visit inmates in jail?
Visit the homeless under the bridge? Not
just once with food, but every week. They are humans just like you (and
I) are - treat them as such!!!
Karen
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