FRIDAY, JANUARY 29, 2021 - LOVE WINS - HUMILITY

 FRIDAY, JANUARY 29, 2021 - LOVE WINS

“Love is patient, love is kind. IT DOES NOT ENVY, it does not boast, it is not proud.”

Looking at “Love does not envy” today!!

Envy:

Noun: A feeling of discontented or resentful longing aroused by someone else's possessions, qualities, or luck.  "she felt a twinge of envy for the people on board"

Verb: Desire to have a quality, possession, or other desirable attribute belonging to (someone else).  "he envied people who did not have to work on weekends"

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I have envied others.  Maybe it was ambition, maybe I wanted more glory - more status. I envied other people and their things.  I’m not sure how obvious I was.   I’ve also been (and still am), a competitor. (Even in my Words With Friends games, I like to win!!  I’m sure glad my sister puts up with me!!!)

I know now there never is ‘enough’ - never enough status, never enough glory for me.  I don’t think that money held that much interest for me, but I wanted top student evaluations at the end of the semester.  I relished students on that last day of class saying “You are the best professor I ever had”. I enjoyed the glory of being an ‘honored professor’.  I loved going into the classroom with a resounding “WOOOO” and knowing each student by name.  I loved being at ISECON conferences and being the conference chair four times - but knowing and welcoming new and old attendees.  I loved being involved and serving on my campus, and in my church, and in my community.  I wanted others to say “There goes that Dr. White, what an awesome and amazing person”!!!

Now, some years into retirement, I am finally learning (and understanding).  Retirement can be like ‘death’ if you were a professor in ‘real-life’. 

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“When you are invited to a wedding feast, don’t sit in the seat of honor. What if someone who is more distinguished than you has also been invited? (Luke 14:8)

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Ecclesiastes 1:2-8

“Vanity of vanities,” says the Preacher; “Vanity of vanities, all is vanity.”

What do people gain from all their labors at which they toil under the sun? Generations come and generations go, but the earth remains forever.  The sun rises and the sun sets and hurries back to where it rises. The wind blows to the south and turns to the north; round and round it goes, ever returning on its course.  All streams flow into the sea, yet the sea is never full. 

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If you have read this blog in the past, you know a surgeon said that I am lucky to be alive.  Am I alive to get more honors?  To do more publications?  To be a ‘BIG DEAL’.  There is an old religious hymn - “The Old Rugged Cross” which has a line “Til my trophies I lay down”.  I don’t have my “wall of encouragement” anymore.  I’ve thrown out most of my awards and certificates.

As you might also know, I am being humbled and mostly it is self-induced - it is very humbling to go from a “big deal” (which I really wasn’t) as a white, privileged, male professor, to a retired, non-privileged white female.  I hear some of the comments - like “who does she think she (or even ‘he’) is?” or “what a farce”.  

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Back to LOVE WINS Friday - love is patient, love is kind, LOVE DOES NOT ENVY, love does not boast, love is not proud.

That hits hard at me.  Love does NOT envy others.  I am happy for others.  I am learning to LOVE EVERYBODY.  I want my ex-wife to be happy.  I want her to have the joy, and peace in her life that I couldn’t provide.  I want my children and grandchildren to also be happy.  I hope to be reconciled to them someday.  

Love does not envy.  I want the best for my friends, I want the best for my family, I want the best for my world.  I want to be a lover, not a competitor.  I really didn’t mind last spring when my friend (BW) beat me about 80% of the time in online chess.  (It is good to have smart and good friends!!)

I am learning to be content.  I have a small apartment and none of my furniture is new.  In the kitchen, the only things I bought were a microwave that is over a year old and a new can-opener when the old one wouldn’t open cans anymore.  In my bedroom, I have two storage units that I (honestly) got out of the dumpster in my apartment complex.  The first one was a chest of drawers, which I’ve fixed up the one with new shelves (it must have had drawers before, but they weren’t in the dumpster).  The second one is a lower nightstand - and that has my cosmetics, deodorant, and miscellaneous stuff.  (FREE!!)  I have two pictures that I ‘rescued’ from the dumpster and two pictures given to me by friends!!

John the Baptist said of Jesus “He must increase and I must decrease”.  I didn’t like being second.  Now, I am learning to be second, to be humbled, to be a lowly (almost) forgotten, crazy, foolish, person.  

Humility means “the state of being humble.” Both it and humble have their origin in the Latin word humilis, meaning "low." ... When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom.  I’m not sure I’m wise at all, but I’m willing to be humbled and open to God’s love and grace!!!

I have quoted Micah 6:8 so much, you can probably quote it back to me.  “And what does God expect of you oh man, but to love justice, show mercy and walk humbly with your God.”

Another source says, “Humility is often characterized as genuine gratitude and a lack of arrogance, a modest view of one’s self. However, the biblical definition of humility goes beyond this. Humility is a critical and continuous emphasis of godliness in the Bible, as we are called upon to be humble followers of God and trust in the wisdom and salvation of God.”

I had a big ego (I’m sorry).  I am still learning and growing in learning how to be humble.

So, Lord let me be humble in my love, let me not be jealous or envious of others, but to love and support them.  

Because - LOVE WINS!!

Hugs!!

Karen