TUESDAY MARCH 9TH - BECOMING AUTHENTIC - PARTI

 TUESDAY MARCH 9TH - BECOMING AUTHENTIC - PARTI

My story of becoming authentic

In high school, there was another student “kind of similar” to me and I thought he was boring (he wasn’t a friend, just a classmate).  I decided NOT to be boring.  That was maybe my first step in becoming authentic. (Aside, he must have been boring, for some fifty years I’ve tried to remember his name!!!)

For the most part (especially in junior high school), I just wanted to fit in, I didn’t want to be noticed.  (I suppose that is natural)

I was the son of Woody and Helen White.  My parents were absolutely WONDERFUL parents.  And, to my dearest sister and best friend, I’m glad for you - older by three years and gently pushed the boundaries so “meek and mild” Bruce was good.  I didn’t press any boundaries.  I didn’t date (other than the prom), I didn’t try alcohol or smoke.  I was in Church (and Sunday School) every week.  I was a poster boy for being a good, loving, kind of conservative son.  Mom and Dad, I marvel at how you brought me up.  You did spoil me - you allowed me to collect coins from the candy store, and allowed me to buy jigsaw puzzles.  You sent me to a Saturday German class, and to acting class, I went to the library frequently and read (and read and read).

BUT, when I went to college, I was ready to become ME - the authentic me.  The first semester, I really did lay low.  I studied, got great grades (other than that “C” in Freshman Composition - and look at me now, I write every day, I have three published books).  

Inside that slow process was starting.  I started to wear jeans, I let my hair grow longer, I sampled alcohol, and I changed from “Woody and Helen’s son”, to “Bruce White, an individual”. 

(Aside, I tried to grow my first beard.  After two months you could “kinda” see some fuzz.)

And, I joined a fraternity.  My sister was in a sorority and KNEW that I would be okay once I came out of my shell!!  (How right she was - and still is).  Now that helped both make me conform - and also to become authentic.  (I stuck out a little as a good student).  

I was an RA in the dorms, a student senator, a magna-cum-laude graduate - and after four years - I was somewhat authentic.  

*****

I think I conformed again as a first-year teacher at West Grant; then went back to my search for authenticity as a graduate student.  Actually, there are some things that happened then that are still down inside me.  I did mess up and did “pay the price” - which also helped me on my journey to authenticity. 

*****

My eighteen years at Dakota State really helped to shape me.  Two weeks ago, I connected with a former Dakota State student (MS).  Marc worked on the school newspaper and pegged me.  My guess is that they needed more material to make the full size for the paper one time, so the back page of that edition of the student newspaper was my full-page picture with a collage of words.  Marc also said, “Dr. White first determined which way the wind was blowing before acting”. It was meant to be fun - but there was truth in it.  I was conforming to the environment.  If I sensed XYZ, then I did XYZ.  It was interesting to be a college dean at age 37. (One of my special (and weird) activities as a professor and dean was to take babies into classes, and to kick bookbags)!!

It was also interesting to be asked to step down as dean at age 42.  I had started to be more assertive (and authentic) and stepped on a few toes.  Oops!!!

I became unique in a good sense.  A little crazy at times, a little weird at times, and generally loving (or at least I think so).  

I found (and liked) these definitions of authenticity:

“Being authentic means that you act in ways that show your true self and how you feel. Rather than showing people only a particular side of yourself, you express your whole self genuinely. That means to succeed in being authentic, you first have to know who your true self actually is.

“An authentic person puts the people around them at ease, like a comforting, old friend who welcomes us in and makes us feel at home. ... Authentic is defined as: “not false or copied; genuine; real.” And, my favorite definition, “representing one's true nature or beliefs; true to oneself or to the person identified.”

“To be authentic, we must cultivate the courage to be imperfect — and vulnerable. We have to believe that we are fundamentally worthy of love and acceptance, just as we are. I’ve learned that there is no better way to invite more grace, gratitude and joy into our lives than by mindfully practicing authenticity.”— Brené Brown

“Authenticity is about presence, living in the moment with conviction and confidence and staying true to yourself. (https://medium.com/personal-growth/the-5-key-ingredients-of-an-authentic-person-259914abf6d5)

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Alas. I am not always authentic.  I do hide my inner side from most people.  I like the analogy that only about 1/10th of an iceberg is above water.  But, with friends who know me, maybe 50% of me is visible.  

Hopefully, I can be open, vulnerable, imperfect - but also like a comforting old friend.  In my current transgender world, I really don’t want to push my gender shift onto others.  I want to love all people even as I change my appearance and renew my mind (Romans 12:2) 

(My bias) I think that many people fall into their stride - fall into their lifestyle.  Convention says “don’t rock the boat”, “don’t make waves”. 

I think I have some curiosity and some (hidden) stubbornness in me.  I remember stories from my grandfather who was curious.  (Maybe the one I remember most is when he decided he needed to understand how wasp nests work!!)

I know our children would ask “why”, “why”, “why”.  I think all children do as they want to learn.  “Why is the sky blue?” “Why is the grass green”.  Even yet, I want to ask “why” or “tell me more”.  

I also think that in my senior years, that desire somehow has increased “What is it like to be a woman” (and then, not just in the description way but in a spiritual and physical way).  I remember the book “Black like Me” where a man was able to pass himself off as a black man.  I doubt that I will write a book “Female like Me” - but I am learning a lot.  

Tomorrow and Thursday, more on the definitions and processes to be authentic!!!

LOVE WINS!!!

Karen