TUESDAY, JULY 12, 2022 - DUELS, INSULTS

 TUESDAY, JULY 12, 2022 DUELS / BULLYS

Yesterday I wrote about the Aaron Burr/Alexander Hamilton duel (lost by Hamilton who died shortly afterward).  

“I take offense at your verbal attack”.  “My honor has been trampled on by your remarks and actions”.

“We should be too big to take offense and too noble to give it.” ~ Abraham Lincoln

*****

“Most of us have felt offended at a remark made by a close friend or a random comment on our social media. Even worse, the chances are that we have experienced the shock of hearing that others were offended by our comments—despite the fact that we had no intention of hurting them.”

I have a friend who by accident insulted another friend.  The offended person hasn’t talked to the first person since that action.  (They were only friends through me - and I am still good friends with both of them).

http://meanttobehappy.com/10-ways-you-too-can-stop-being-so-easily-offended/

FIRST - do any of these apply to you?

Do you explode in fits of anger over little things?

Do others say you make mountains out of molehills?

Do you frequently take things the wrong way?

Do others feel they have to “walk on eggshells” around you?

Do others consider you “high maintenance”?

#1: TALK YOURSELF OUT OF BEING OFFENDED

In the heat of the moment, try asking yourself these questions: “What am I getting so bent out of shape for? Does this really matter? What’s the big deal?”  Does this change my entire life?  

#2: PUT YOURSELF IN THE “OFFENDER’S” SHOES

As they say, walk a mile in their shoes.  Are they having a bad day?  

#3: ASSUME A BENEVOLENT MOTIVE

Unless proven otherwise assume the person in question has a noble intent. Maybe the language was clumsy, maybe even ill-advised, but assume a good heart. 

(About a month ago at our bridge group, a friend called me an “a**hole”.  It was in jest - I knew it and he knew it, but it has become a gag in that group.  And, if I was really an “a**hole” (however one does that), maybe I should be nicer!!!)

#4: PRACTICE DETACHMENT

Many people are easily offended because they can’t emotionally differentiate between their thoughts and their inner sense of self.

To overcome hypersensitivity, realize that your opinions are not you. And certainly, any given opinion or set of views is not the whole of who you are. To the degree you can detach your ideas from your identity, you will live a happy, fulfilling life with little opportunity to feel offended.

I’ve seen Democrats bristle when being called socialists (or communists) by Republicans, and Republicans take umbrage at being called reactionary white supremacists  My political opinions are just that - MY OPINIONS.  They are not facts.

We get used to “preaching to the choir”.  If we spend our time with our friends who have the same beliefs, same political thoughts, and sameness of most things, we get indoctrinated into the group.  But, that might mean that we might say something that would be offensive to somebody outside our group.  

#5: LEARN HUMILITY

“A well-known religious leader once said that whenever he hears that he has offended someone, his first response is to stop and think if, in fact, he may have said or done something that could have given the impression of an offense. That, by itself, is an excellent attitude of humility that would make him almost immune to offense.

“But he didn’t stop there. He went on to say that he often found that he had indeed said something that could have been construed as offensive. He would then seek out the offended person and apologize for the misconstrued word or deed. Humility is the friend of inner peace and equanimity. And peace and equanimity are the friends of happiness.”

*****

“He drew a circle that shut me out-

Heretic, rebel, a thing to flout.

But love and I had the wit to win:

We drew a circle and took him In!”

Can you love enough to draw that circle?

Aside, in one of my first granny basketball games, the big scorer on the other team was offensive to me.  She scowled, she pushed into me (when I was guarding and she was shooting), and she was just ‘mean’.  I wanted to go up to her and say “Hey - don’t push me around.”

But, now, she is a friend.  On the basketball court, she is almost a different person.  It’s like “I’m here to do a job (score baskets) and I’m not going to let anybody get in my way!!!”

I’ve had people tell me I’m going to hell because of my gender orientation.  Sometimes I feel like John the Baptist as a voice crying in the wilderness - love all people, turn the other cheek, LOVE WINS!!

Karen 

July 12, 2022