WEDNESDAY, JULY 13, 2022 HONOR, DUELS CONTINUED

 WEDNESDAY, JULY 13, 2022 HONOR, DUELS CONTINUED

I started this week with the historical duel between Alexander Hamilton and Aaron Burr.  The source I used said, “Hamilton and Burr had an acrimonious relationship that dated to 1791, when Burr defeated Hamilton's father-in-law, Gen. Philip John Schuyler, for a seat in the U.S. Senate. Burr incurred the enmity of Hamilton, who subsequently tried to thwart his political aspirations on numerous occasions”

“The two men had long been political rivals, but the immediate cause of the duel was disparaging remarks Hamilton had allegedly made about Burr at a dinner.”

“The two men engaged in a correspondence that ultimately resulted in Burr demanding that Hamilton deny that he had ever spoken ill of him. Hamilton felt that he could not comply without sacrificing his own political career”  (that is - to “save” his honor”)

*****

In the old “Back to the Future” movies, Marty didn’t like being called “yellow” or “chicken” (but in the last of the three movies, he is challenged to a drag race at a stop light - and Marty shifts into reverse and avoids hitting a Rolls-Royce.  

“Honor” - what is honor?

Some terms in the definition are: high respect; great esteem; adherence to what is right or to a conventional standard of conduct; and fulfill (an obligation) or keep (an agreement).

Yesterday, I started on a list of 10 ways not to be offended.  

Here are the final five ways:

LOVE TRUTH MORE THAN BEING RIGHT

I’ve often used Micah 6:8 “What does God expect of you, but to love justice (truth), show mercy, and walk humbly with your God”

If you have read these blogs, you know I follow a first-century Jewish rabbi named Jesus.  I don’t need to be right.  I’ve made enough mistakes in my life and will still make more.  What is the truth, what is correct? This rabbi was truth and light - and the leaders still nailed him to a cross.

I need to understand - to walk a mile in their shoes.  I defer to others.  I want to know their truth. 

I was told that one of the best phrases in marriage is, “You were right and I was wrong”.  Back down, 

A friend told me this joke.  “I married Mr. Right.  Unfortunately, he had to be right all the time.” The implication is that his ways were the only ways.  He was ALWAYS right/correct.  

OVERCOME SELF-CENTEREDNESS

Self-centeredness - “EGO”.  I had years in the past when I was nice, gentle - and I had an EGO.  I thought I was a big deal.  (I “read” my press clippings!!)

I think of the integration of black children into schools where the kids were spat on and the people yelled obscenities at them.  It had to be hard to be Ruby Bridges surrounded by federal agents going to school with rotten tomatoes thrown at her.

 RESERVE JUDGMENT

Back to a previous thought - I need to walk a mile in their shoes.  Why was Hamilton so upset with Burr?  Why did he attack the honor of the other man?  Was it hate?  Hate kills, but love wins!!

ACCEPT IMPERFECTION

My daughter had a shirt with the words, “I’m a prefectionist” (that should be “perfectionist”) It reminds me that I am definitely NOT perfect.

ACCEPT YOURSELF

Finally, accept yourself.  As I age, I realize that I’m not perfect, I still have judgmental thoughts and I still am a “work in progress”.

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Join today’s five items with yesterday’s five and we have no reasons to be offended.

We need to:

Talk ourselves out of being offended

Put ourselves in their shoes

Assume the best of the other person

Practice detachment

Learn humility

*****

If Hamilton and Burr sat down to a glass of beer or a cup of coffee and said “Hey, I don’t like you” and worked out their differences without being offended - maybe there wouldn’t have been a duel.  

If I sat down with a Russian and a Ukrainian and talk about love, honor, being offended, and understanding each other, maybe the warfare would stop.

If I sat down with a militant Islamic person, the North Korean leader, a fervent Republican, and an extremist Democrat could we find common ground without yelling at each other.  

I have written in the past about how a Russian (Athestist), Indian(Hindi), Bangledashian (Islam), and American (Christian) shared a dinner together years ago We were friends and not enemies although our countries had been advocacies.

To me, having what little honor I have left in my life is not worth fighting over.  I’ve made mistakes and I need to love and forgive.  (And my fervent hope is that my family and I someday soon can love and forgive and heal our relationship - with God’s help!!!)

Some hate me because I am now a woman. Please forgive me - I'm living my life. Let's sit and talk about what happened in my brain and in my life - and maybe you won't hate me anymore (or maybe move the "hate" to "dislike")

LOVE WINS!!

Karen

July 13, 2022