Reconciliation and families - part 1

Reconciliation / Family

When I grew up, we knew my mother’s family very well.  There was an annual picnic/potluck dinner with cousins and lots of family!!!  (By-the-way, that reunion ran for 100 years and then two years ago, after the 100th reunion, the organizers said “enough”).  My Uncle George was the President of the group for several years and even my father (from the ‘outlaws’ of the family), was President for a couple of terms.

But, we didn’t know my father’s family very well.  His family had been on a farm in St. Olaf Iowa but during the late 1920’s and through the depression they had moved to Cedar Rapids, Iowa.  From my limited background, my father was the second oldest of maybe 12 or 13 children.  Again, from my limited background, my grandfather died early (maybe that was the reason to move to the city), and I knew my grandmother.

As I understand it, when they moved to Cedar, Rapids, the eldest four (Howard, Woody - my dad, Leo, and Geraldine worked to support the family (with the younger 8 or 9 still at home).  During the depression with few jobs, little money, a financial crisis arose.  I have only hints at what it was, seemingly a man was wooing my grandmother because she was somewhat solvent as the older children were supporting her.  Again, it seems like the working four thought the man was trying to take advantage of my grandmother and weasel in on the house she owned.

Again, as I understand it, the family split - with the older four staying in Iowa and my grandmother and the younger family members going to Washington State (seemingly the Seattle area).

There were deep feelings and anger on both sides of the family from my understanding.  And with the older children in Iowa and the younger in Seattle, the family was truly split.

My thought today is that I have heard from many people about split families.  One of my friends (AP) said she and her youngest sister didn’t talk for some twenty years.  Another (RP) has not heard of her son for some years, although she is in close (almost daily) contact with her two daughters. Others that I know of have differences between siblings - that won’t speak to one another.

And, to this, I ask “why”?  You have heard me write that I am trying to ‘love another’ and that “I really only love God as much as I love the person I love the least.” Why do families split?

To this, I throw in my thoughts.  Can reconciliation of families occur?  Absolutely,

In his upper 80’s my father made a trip to Seattle to see his brothers and sisters.  (I know he saw at least four of his siblings and some of their families).  The division over finances had long past and finally, reconciliation occurred. 

There is an expression that “blood is thicker than water” - generally meaning that family ties are stronger than non-family ties.  If my sister was sick and dying, I would go and be with her.  She has made special trips to be with me during some of my health issues.  My bias is that it is better to see your family members while they are alive instead of seeing their bodies in a casket at a funeral.  Go make peace!!!

Sometimes the difficulty comes in relationships - the other person left the church that the family was raised in - and became shunned.  Maybe the person married somebody that the family didn’t approve of. Maybe the person had made mistakes - crimes - even murder - and became the “black sheep” of the family - a person to be scorned and forgotten.

Here is a poem by Edwin Markham:

“He drew a circle that shut me out-

Heretic, rebel, a thing to flout.

But love and I had the wit to win:

We drew a circle and took him in!”

The separation became a grudge and if left too long, can be like cancer.  From Matthew 5:23, ““Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother or sister has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First, go and be reconciled to them; then come and offer your gift.”.

It takes work and sometimes takes more - to humble yourself and be reconciled with a brother or sister - or with a friend.

(Analogy - people convicted of crimes can get jail time - at the end of the sentence they are released from jail.  How many years is a person going to pay to get reconciled?)

So, maybe a crime of “breaking and entering” gets a person five years in jail.  Can a family split be analyzed to get a sentence of five years too?

Sorry to get so personal!!

Hugs - and love to all!!

Karen

(So, you have or know of family separations - can you share stories with the rest of us?)