Being Vulnerable
Being vulnerable is opening yourself up to rejection (or acceptance). Rejection hurts!! Acceptance is good!! But, every time you start out on a journey/concept / idea the two options exist - acceptance or rejection.
Back to Simon and Garfunkel - are you a rock, or you an island?
Part of their lyrics are:
Don't talk of love
But I've heard the words before
It's sleeping in my memory
I won't disturb the slumber of feelings that have died
If I never loved I never would have cried
*****
If I had never loved, I never would have cried. Do you relate to that? Loving sometimes means being vulnerable and crying!!
You know love adages and words of wisdom. For this thought, I’m thinking of the statement “A turtle only makes progress by sticking out his head”. (and legs and tail). We can pull within our shells - put on a happy face, hide the hurt inside us and go on. Basically, you can be a phony.
Let’s look at the article and see if we can get help:
-1 First things first, accept that you are worthy!!
You have to believe in yourself. That can be a challenge. I’ve known parents who cannot say a nice thing to their children. The children hear “You’re a brat”; “You are a loser”, “Can’t you do anything right?”, “Why are you so bad?”
It has to be hard to overcome the psychological abuse that is put upon you by negative statements from your parents or teachers.
YOU ARE WORTHY.
Eleanor Roosevelt said this: ““No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”. You have to believe you are strong, you have to believe you are worthy. You have every right to stand up.
Now, some want to put your down. If I was at a table of Nobel Prize winners, would I feel inferior? That can be tough. If I was a new parent and was at a table of experienced parents, would you feel inferior? If you were a new teacher/nurse/engineer/ mechanic/whatever and a person with years of experience came over and said “You are doing it all wrong - you are worthless” - would you feel inferior. Can you back into your brain and say “I may not have al the experience of this expert, but that’s okay. I am not worthless - I am just a beginner.
Last year about this time, I wanted to learn to play Pickleball. The Recreation Center had times for pickleball and I showed up. It was a rotating system, where teams of two waiting for their turn. When one team lost, they sat down and the next two in line went on the floor. I had two experiences where I went on the floor and was basically told ‘go away’ - indirectly saying “I don’t want to play against beginners. You are worthless in my eyes - go away”. That hurt. There was a time on the schedule for beginners - .and when I went at that time, the others were more accepting. (Unfortunately, it was at a time when I had another activity that was more important to me.). I view the people who told me to go away as being ‘toxic’. They still are human beings, but at that time, they are not acting as loving people. Do I hate them? Nope. Do I want to spend time on a pickleball court with them? Nope!!!
I have been playing bridge in two groups. My goal in playing bridge is to have a good time, work on memory and logic skills and enjoy the social atmosphere. The one group had played together a long time and were more competitive than I wanted to be. Not a bad thing - they were wanting to improve their bridge skills and I was occasionally guilty of not being a better bridge player. There was also a ‘bully’ in the group. After a few occasions of negative interactions with her, I could fight - or just not make this group my priority.
If I wanted to improve my bridge skills, I would have gotten books, and studied concepts. I would have worked on it - like I work on exercising or music-making - with research and practice. But, in pickleball and in bridge, I am happy to be mediocre. Do I have value? Am I worthy? ABSOLUTELY. Did I allow them to make me feel inferior? Just a little. If my job depending on pickleball and bridge skills, I would work on them.
-2 Fight Your Skittish Tendencies By Knowing What They Are
Do you want to flee when you are in certain situations? That is a form of vulnerability. I’m new to Granny Basketball. And, I AM going to stick it out. I AM going to succeed in the things I believe are important to me!!!
Aside, I went to my ISECON conference in October 1990. I was awed by the senior information systems educators there. I thought that I couldn’t hold a candle to these folks. That first evening when there was a social event, I slipped out early and went to my room and watched television. (I fled when I should have stepped out with some courage!!)
After some internal battles, I decided this group was appropriate for my professional growth. I ran for a board member-at-large position at my first opportunity (and got it) - and the rest is history (four times as ISECON chair, ISECON Outstanding Educator of the Year, and more). And, every time after that, when there was a new person at ISECON, I took the time to introduce them to others, to include them in the activities, to sit with them and make them feel at home.
Wow - I got off on this topic - so more tomorrow!!
Hugs!!!
Karen
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