Being Vulnerable
Being vulnerable is opening yourself up to rejection (or acceptance). Rejection hurts!! Acceptance is good!! But, every time you start out on a journey/concept / idea the two options exist - acceptance or rejection.
Back to Simon and Garfunkel - are you a rock, or you an island?
Part of their lyrics are:
Don't talk of love
But I've heard the words before
It's sleeping in my memory
I won't disturb the slumber of feelings that have died
If I never loved I never would have cried
*****
If I had never loved, I never would have cried. Do you relate to that? Loving sometimes means being vulnerable and crying!!
You know love adages and words of wisdom. For this thought, I’m thinking of the statement “A turtle only makes progress by sticking out his head”. (and legs and tail). We can pull within our shells - put on a happy face, hide the hurt inside us and go on. Basically, you can be a phony.
Let’s look at the article and see if we can get help:
-1 First things first, accept that you are worthy!!
You have to believe in yourself. That can be a challenge. I’ve known of parents who cannot say a nice thing to their children. The children hear “You’re a brat”; “You are a loser”, “Can’t you do anything right?”, “Why are you so bad?”
It has to be hard to overcome the psychological abuse that is put upon you by negative statements from your parents or teachers.
YOU ARE WORTHY.
Eleanor Roosevelt said this: ““No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”. You have to believe you are strong, you have to believe you are worthy. You have every right to stand up.
Now, some want to put your down. If I was at a table of Nobel Prize winners, would I feel inferior? That can be tough. If I was a new parent and was at a table of experienced parents, would I feel inferior? If you were a new teacher/nurse/engineer/ mechanic/whatever and a person with years of experience came over and said “You are doing it all wrong - you are worthless” - would you feel inferior. Can you back into your brain and say “I may not have al the experience of this expert, but that’s okay. I am not worthless - I am just a beginner.
Last year about this time, I wanted to learn to play Pickleball. The Recreation Center had times for pickleball and I showed up. It was a rotating system, where teams of two waiting for their turn. When one team lost, they sat down and the next two in line went on the floor. I had two experiences where I went on the floor and was indirectly told ‘go away’ - indirectly saying “I don’t want to play against beginners. You are worthless in my eyes - go away”. That hurt. There was a time on the schedule for beginners - .and when I went at that time, the others were more accepting. (Unfortunately, it was at a time when I had another activity that was more important to me.).
Now, to be honest, beginners on a pickleball court can take away the fun and exercise of experienced players. I was watching a game with four superb players making great moves to keep the ball in play. For maybe twenty minutes there were heroic saves, diving shots, and excellent hustle. In my few games, they lasted maybe two minutes as I managed to hill the ball out-of-bounds, faulted on my serve, and just messed up. It would have been ideal for me as a beginner to play somebody “my own size”.
I don’t fault those who were playing. Weak and inexperienced players don’t provide the challenge that stronger players give. I view the people who told me to go away as not being toxic - but not very friendly.
Do I hate them? Nope. Do I want to spend time on a pickleball court with them? Not unless I get better and they can accept me!!!
I have been playing bridge in two groups. My goal in playing bridge is to have a good time, work on memory and logic skills and enjoy the social atmosphere. The one group had played together a long time and were more competitive than I wanted to be. Not a bad thing - they were wanting to improve their bridge skills and I was occasionally guilty of not being a better bridge player. There was also a ‘bully’ in the group. After a few occasions of negative interactions with her, I could fight - or just not make playing in this group a priority.
If I wanted to improve my bridge skills, I would have gotten books, and studied concepts. I would have worked on it - like I work on exercising or music-making - with research and practice. But, in pickleball and in bridge, I am happy to be mediocre. Do I have value? Am I worthy? ABSOLUTELY. Did I allow them to make me feel inferior? Just a little. If my job depending on pickleball and bridge skills, I would work on them.
“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent”. And, I don’t consent to be inferior (especially in areas where I am not very good) - where I consent to be a pretty raw beginner.
Wow - I got off on this topic - so more tomorrow!!
Hugs!!!
Karen
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