TUESDAY, SEPTEMBER 12, 2023 - ENCOURAGEMENT

 TUESDAY, SEPTEMBER 12, 2023 ENCOURAGEMENT

One thing that I noticed when becoming a woman was the compliments and encouragement.  “Gee, you look nice today”; “Oh, I love that dress”; “I love your earrings, where did you get them?”; and similar statements.

Compliments (at least to me) are part of the bigger picture of encouragement.

Today is NATIONAL DAY OF ENCOURAGEMENT - September 12, 2023 - National Today

So, some thoughts about encouragement.

First - encouragement creates a friendly bond between people. It shows you care for them, that you notice them, and that you believe in them.

But, to be an encourager, you have to notice things - you have to be observant for something to compliment.  Be watchful; put up your “antennas.” 

Research shows that a person needs five positive comments for each negative comment.  Be generous in your encouragement. 

Be on the lookout for positive things to tell others.  It might be for today (I said to Beth at church that I liked her hair), or it might be more generalized, “Beth, you are such an encourager. I really appreciate you.”

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Second - don’t be a fake - be genuine.

As my mother (and probably your mothers) said, “If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all.”   But, if you are observant, there will be many things you can comment on.  Maybe their clothes are not perfect - but how about their work?  Are they punctual? Are they good teammates? Do they have good ideas?  Do they make you smile or laugh? 

Even little comments like “I’m glad you are on this team”; “I’m glad you are my friend” are encouragement.

ASIDE:  Have you been to a sporting event?  What are the fans yelling?  “Go, team, go!!!”.  They cheer for success.  The fans stand up for touchdowns or great plays.  They clap, they cheer.  They are sending their ENCOURAGEMENT to the team on the field or the floor!!!

Now, there are times when I suspect flattery.  And I admit that I don’t always know the difference between encouragement and flattery.  I hear things like, “You are so smart, you have a doctorate, you were a great professor, you are so brave, you are my idol.” Watch out; my head can get so full of EGO that it might just pop - like a balloon!!!  

ANOTHER ASIDE: This past year, I’ve had an acquaintance (“friend”?) that flattered me.  I’m so stupid at times!!!  It took a while to recognize flattery and not encouragement.

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Third, it goes both ways.  I need to be able to receive (genuine) encouragement, but I also need to give honest encouragement.  

I told a lady at church on Sunday that I really liked her skirt (and I did - genuine appreciation).  She responded with half-hearted acceptance.  “I had this old skirt in my closet and decided to wear it today.”  It was what I would call a peasant skirt - but I thought it was very stylish and thought maybe I needed to find something like that.

I’m unsure what a good response might have been for her.  Maybe something like, “Thank you, Karen.  I’m glad you like it.  I thought it would be ideal for church today.”

I don’t always accept encouragement well - I tend to downplay it.  “This old thing.”.  But, I’m learning to be more sincere in my acceptance - thank the speaker for her compliment and encouragement.  I should compliment her if I can (and if it is appropriate at that time).  (Not that this is a game of lobbing compliments over a tennis net - you compliment me, and I give you one back.  

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Fourth - make yourself personable.  One source suggested, “Personable simply means someone pleasant, friendly, and empathetic. Don’t force a compliment—give it with a smile! Helping the person feel special is a great way to be personable. Typically, speaking with someone face-to-face is the more personable route, but in this age of social distancing, there are other ways to encourage someone. Try writing a kind note and mailing it, calling someone to let her know you’re thinking about her, or sending a sweet text. Social media also provides a great outlet to express encouragement. Don’t expect anything in return when you share the encouraging words, but share them with a heart of thankfulness for the person you’re affirming. 

I mentioned Beth(above).  Beth texts me three or four times a week with encouragement.  Generally, they are little graphics - like last week, she had a picture, “I hope something unexpectedly good happens to you this week.” 

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In the Biblical book of the Acts of the Apostles (better known as Acts), Barnabus is recognized as “The son of encouragement.”  That is high praise for Barnabus (and I am working toward that goal!!!!)

LOVE WINS - AND LOVE WINS MORE WHEN WE ARE NICE AND ENCOURAGING TO PEOPLE

LOVE TRANSFORMS PEOPLE INTO LIFE-GIVING SUPPORTIVE PEOPLE

KAREN ANNE WHITE, ©, SEPTEMBER 12, 2023