MONDAY FEBRUARY 22, 2021

 MONDAY FEBRUARY 22, 2021 

Welcome to the last week in February!!!  It is about two months into official winter, and one month until official spring!!  In normal years in central Texas, the average temperature is about 63 degrees.  (And, after last week,  I’m ready for “normal”!!!

This week is going to have a hodge-podge of blogs.  Some miscellaneous things of interest that appeal to me.  

From Shaunti Feldhahn, a researcher and author who writes about marriages and relationships. If you have a child getting married in the future, I’d recommend one of her two books “For Women Only” or “For Men Only”.

Giving some thoughts from For Men Only:

.  Why she can’t “just not think about” something that’s bothering her (My comment - get over it)

.  How to get her real answers without games (My comment - get over it)

.  How your provider instinct can actually cause her heartache – and what to do about it  (Yes, man sometimes goes back to caveman instincts - and want to bring in the money)

.  Why “not tonight, honey” may not mean what you think (My comment - “no tonight honey - might mean I don’t want sex tonight -but it very well might mean - there is just something in my life that is affecting me - it isn’t you dear - but just something inside me wants to process this first - I’m sorry - please forgive me !!)

.  Why listening to her feelings is so hard for a guy and a fix-it plan that works (My comment - men LOVE to fix things - just listen to me - you don’t have to fix anything - in fact, I don’t WANT you to fix things- just listen to me!!

.  Why her “I do” at the altar always mean, “do you?” and the answer that rocks her world (My comment - okay - women have heard for centuries about philandering men - can she trust you?  After all men just “can’t always be trusted”.)

***

And from the book For Women Only”

• Why your respect means more to him than your love. (Ephesians 5:33 “Each of you, however, should love his wife as himself, and a wife should respect her husband.”) When I was a man, this verse bothered me.  I somehow lost her respect - and that hurt)

• How he feels deep inside about his role as provider.

• What it means for a man to be so visually “wired.”  (Okay, as a man I “saw’ women - and was attracted - totally visual. Men, this doesn't sit well to be staring at some other woman.

• Why sex for him is primarily emotional, not physical.  (As a man, sex to me was emotional - does she care for me, is this just an activity for her - and why can’t she understand me)

• What he most wishes he could say to you.  (As a man, it was very hard to say things - sometimes it felt like my words had no meaning.  I wanted to slip out something deep in a long paragraph, but it seemed like it fell on deaf ears).

But, looking at those topics will have to be another time.

**********

TODAY.

This was from her weekly blog a while back - Putting some FUN into your marriage. (This actual blog was a guest blog but similar to her writing).

The man gave his wife an unusual Christmas present - an engraved purple bowling ball with her name!!!  She didn’t bowl - what was this?  Then he showed her his gift to himself - an engraved orange bowling ball with his name.  WOW - his and her bowling balls!!  

He thought they could do something fun like go bowling!!  His heart might have been in the right place, but the gift was almost as far off as it could be.  They never used these engraved balls and sold them for a pittance at a garage sale a few years later. 

How can a couple put some fun in their lives?

SET ASIDE TIME TOGETHER.

Many married friends set aside Friday nights as “Date Night”.  They might go to a restaurant (they alternate between the wife picking the place, and the husband picking the restaurant the next week).  Then they do something fun.  It might be simple like a movie (when there isn’t a pandemic), going to a museum, putting a jigsaw puzzle together, having another couple in for charades or games.  

Here in Texas, public television has the “Daytripper” program where the host goes to a different community every week.  It features a couple of local restaurants, learning the history of the town and area, sight-seeing, and activities.  I know my son who is a television reporter in central  Nebraska did a series of visiting various Nebraska towns on the news a few years back.

Maybe you can find something that you do each week - or each month.  Before the pandemic, the first Friday night of every month was the “Let’s Dance” program at a local senior center.  Yes, you would see about the same people most months, but as time went on, those people were acquaintances, and eventually friends.  I was in a group that sat together at a table and shared food and beverages.  There were snacks, some had wine, some had soda, some had a beer or iced tea.  The DJ was the leader of the group and you could request music to dance to.  With all of us over 60, I knew almost all of the tunes.  And, there were always a few slow dances, as well as rock-and-roll.  I’m not sure it was a highlight of the night, but there were generally three Texas line dance songs.  I’ll admit I was frequently going left when I should have gone right when I tried to line dance, but we laughed and had a good time.

The article suggests that it not be a spur-of-the-moment decision - put something you planned ahead.  Again one or the other of the spouses gets to pick the restaurant (and maybe the event for the evening). 

The big thing for the evening is to go into it without expectations.  The guest author says “Expectations rob us of contentment. Have a flexible heart open to how God leads your time together. It might turn out different than you planned, but if you’re flexible you can fully enjoy the time you set apart to be together.”  (Many (many) years ago, I surprised my wife with going square dancing.  Yes, that was without expectations.  I thought it was fun.)

On your way home (assuming you drove), you can do the analysis of the evening.  Was it fun?  Would you do it again?  

As they say, variety is the spice of life.  But if every Friday night you order pizza, and watch Netflix until you are so tired you can’t keep your eyes open - maybe you are in a rut!!  

Complacency can be boring.  Get out and live!!!  (maybe after the pandemic!!!)

*****

Personal comment - I like the comment that marriage is falling in love with the same person over-and-over again over the years.  I wasn’t the same person at 65 as I was at 27 when I married (and my wife wasn’t either).  Freshness helps keep the spark in a marriage.

LOVE DOES WIN - but you have to work at it!!

HUGS!!

Karen