MONDAY, FEBRUARY 8, 2021 - DEATH

 MONDAY, FEBRUARY 8, 2021

(Happy Birthday, Connie White!!!)

For this week, I am going to write about aging.  This topic comes from reading “Being Mortal” by Atul Gawande.  My first exposure to this book came from the daughter of a friend who decided she needed to understand her mother - and her mother’s health.  Thus, my second exposure comes from my friend (the mother).  “It’s a great book on aging,” she said to me - and quoted some ideas from the book.  So here I am.

First - the BIG PICTURE

I AM DYING!!!  Really - I am in the process of dying.  And, let me tell you, YOU ARE ALSO DYING!!! 

Actually, I started dying the day I was born.  Every human is born, and every human dies. Now, let’s take that to me.  

I am 73 years old.  I had a very major surgery now almost four years ago - where the doctor said I was lucky to be alive.  But, medical science did work.  My body was forming alternative blood channels (aneurysms) and cutting through the wall of the aorta.- which would have been deadly.

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NOW - let’s think about end-of-life issues.  If there is one thing we haven’t shared with our spouse or our family, this is probably it.

(I actually have a funeral plan, but not an end of life plan. I have some tentative music - like Grieg's “Last Spring” as he envisions dying and wonders (after the long Norwegian winter) if this will be the last spring; or Tschaikowsky’s finale to the Sixth Symphony (his last) where everything just fades away. Plus some scriptures - but no end-of-life plans.  And, I am opting for cremation.)

So, what happens at age 80 and I fall and break my hip?  Will I get a hip replacement?  Will I walk with a walker or a cane?  Will that be a different treatment than at age 90?  

What if I have cancer - does it make a difference to have the surgery and undergo chemotherapy at age 75 (my friend RP) or if I am 90 and get the cancer diagnosis - does that make a difference.  Is there a quality of life issue at 75 and at 90?

Do you want to stay in your home/apartment as long as you can?  

Do you have the financial resources to have a home health aide, or to pay for assisted living or nursing home?  

How about hospice - or a do not resuscitate option?  

When do “Quality of Life” issues become significant?  

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Now, I am, fortunate (and unfortunately) pretty ignorant to old age issues.  My mother lived to 98, and my father to 97.  On my mother’s side, her two brothers and her sister all lived into their nineties.  On my father’s side, one uncle lived to 102, and others lived into their upper 80s and 90s.  

And, especially for my parents, I was away from them other than visits.  My sister was the local resource and visited them daily.  She was in on the medical and quality of life issues and discussions.  After my father had a car accident (with my mother), they ended up in an assisted living facility.  Actually, that was a wonderful thing for my parents.  My mother no longer had to cook or clean.  My father no longer drove.  There were activities - trips to the zoo, ball games or hockey games, bingo, sermons and singing, and exercises.  

The planning wasn’t hard.  After the accident, they really couldn’t return to their apartment.  My mother had cooked for the two of them for about 60 years (that is a lot of meals).  Yes, there were financial issues.  (My mother was very smart and was worried about money!!)  

It was a great experience and option for them.

*****

Back to the original theme - Have you thought about “end-of-life” issues?  Do you have the resources for assisted living facilities?  How about relations with family and friends?

At age 73, I reason that I can have many healthy happy years.  I anticipate living in my 90s.  But, to do so, I know I need to watch my diet, keep exercising, have friends and family support, keep my spiritual connection, and positive attitude.  

I also know that planning in advance beats planning when a person is in a critical situation in an emergency room.

For the next three days, we will look at “Quality of Life” issues, aging issues, family issues, and dying!!!

Maybe not as much fun as some of my blogs, and maybe not the best topic for the week before Valentine’s Day!!!

LOVE WINS!!!

HUGS!!

Karen