MONDAY, DECEMBER 20, 2021 - MY CHRISTMAS LIST - DAY 1

 MONDAY, DECEMBER 20, 2021 - MY CHRISTMAS LIST - DAY 1

As kids, our parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, and others asked ‘What do you want for Christmas’.  I thought maybe I should make my own Christmas list.  

So here we go.

Day 1.  (Based on Exodus 20 - “Honor your father and mother”.

My parents died about ten years ago.  My mother was 98 and my father was 97.  My sister and I couldn’t have had better parents.  

As I age (no, I’m not old - only 74) but I’ve been working with ‘super seniors’ (in their 90s) lately.  I’m seeing the difficulties they have.  BM has one son who lives in Ohio.  Supposedly he comes twice a year to visit her.  He is retired but has his own children and family to visit that also are in Ohio.  BM tells me that they talk on the phone frequently - maybe three or four times a week.  But, I’m sure BM would love to have a hug from her son (and also from the grandchildren).

MR has some leg sores and has her leg wrapped.  When I saw her the other day, she said she was headed back to the doctor to get them checked.  She was a little sad as she indicated that she might have to have them rewrapped again.  

ER is struggling with macular degeneration.  (My mother also had this). I check on her to make sure she takes her medicines and eyedrops.  She does have a local, loving family, but it is a challenge as her world slowly becomes dark.

AP is being forgetful.  I don’t think it is a ‘memory care’ type of forgetfulness as she is very sharp in other areas.  She is a delight to visit with.  And, a bright spot to me -is that her local daughter takes her for dinner every Thursday night (isn’t that fantastic!!!)

GL is a special friend from my work with seniors.  Seemingly she had a slight stroke a while back that affected her speech.  She does talk but generally is one or two words.  I try to ask her yes or no questions.  We play gin rummy - and she wins about half the time.  We’ve done some small craft things together as well as we eat dinner together.  Her two sons have been very supportive, but last week (I assume with the advice of experts), moved to the memory care unit.  I suspect that she might languish in this unit as compared to the independent living unit she has been in.

(aside).  I have been in the memory care unit four times.  The staff does a great job with people with Alzheimer’s and other dementia issues.  But, it tends to be light care because of the number of people.  I remember a Karen Kingsbury novel of some years back where the main character worked in a memory unit and did interesting things.  In the book, the main character found an old saddle and put it in the room of a man who had worked with horses all his life and the facility provided him with brushes, and saddle soap, and he spent hours caring for the saddle one of the valued experiences of his life.

I have commented before that the people in the independent living got to dinner and there is casual talk at the dinner table.  But, in the memory unit, there isn’t any small talk, just sullen, lost faces at the dinner table.  Any talk or communication is from the staff to the residents.  

*****

Back to my Christmas wish list - Honor your father and mother.  Do honor them if they are alive.  Do visit them, take them shopping (one of GL’s sons took his mother to Kohls recently to get her new clothes), take them to music, to church, to eat, and even for casual walks.  

From the Apocrypha book of Sirach we have this:

“My child, look after your father when he is old; do nothing to cause him grief as long as he lives.

Even if his mind fails, be sympathetic toward him; do not despise him simply because you yourself are healthy and strong.

The kindness shown to a father will never be forgotten, and it will be credited to you as reparation for your sins.”

Or Proverbs 23:22

“Listen to your father, who gave you life, and do not despise your mother when she is old.

*****

In some cultures, older people are honored - but it seems as if in American society we move frequently and our families get challenged to love each other.  

Chinese families traditionally view filial piety and respect for one's elders as the highest virtue, deriving from the Confucian tradition.

In India, elders are the head of the family.

in many tribal communities, elders are respected for their wisdom and life experiences. (North American Indian tribes)

"Old man" isn't a bad word in Greek.

Invite your elderly family, neighbors for coffee (and cookies) someday.  Invite them for Christmas or New Year’s dinner.  Invite them to watch the Rose Parade.  Put it on your calendar to do something at least once a month for them.

*****

I talk of “LOVE WINS” and by honoring our parents and elderly and showing them the love we become more human and loving.

Karen