SUNDAY, DECEMBER 26, 2021 THE GHOST OF CHRISTMAS PAST

 SUNDAY, DECEMBER 26, 2021 THE GHOST OF CHRISTMAS PAST

Happy Sunday Friends!!!

Yes, yesterday was Christmas, the day before was Christmas Eve.  I hope they were monumental for you!!!

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So, let’s have some fun.

What’s the best Christmas present? A broken drum, you just can’t beat it!!

What did the naughty soccer announcer get from Santa Claus?  COOOOOOOAAAALLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!

Did you hear Walmart is giving away dead batteries for the holiday? They’re free of charge!

Did you hear about the man who stole an Advent Calendar? He got 25 days.

Why did the scarecrow get a big Christmas bonus? Because he was outstanding in his field.

What did the bald man say when he got a comb for Christmas?  “I’ll never part with it!”

Why does Santa Claus go down the chimney on Christmas Eve? Because it soots him.

What do you call a bunch of chess masters bragging about their games in a hotel lobby?

Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.

Santa and his wife wanted to split up, but there aren’t any divorce lawyers in the North Pole.

So, they got a semicolon instead; They’re great for separating Independent Clauses.

What did one snowman say to the other? “Is it just me, or do you smell carrots?”

Where do Santa and his elves go to vote? The North Poll!

What’s Santa Claus’s favorite type of potato chip? Crisp Pringles!

What’s Santa Claus’s favorite track & field event? North Pole–vaulting!

Why was the snowman looking through the carrots? He was picking his nose!

Why didn’t Rudolph get a good report card? Because he went down in History!

How much did Santa pay for his sleigh? Nothing—it was on the house!

What do you call a Yeti with a six-pack? The Abdominal Snowman!

What is a vegan’s favorite Christmas carol? Soy to the World!

How does the snow globe feel this year? A little shaken.

Who is a Christmas tree’s favorite singer? Spruce Springsteen!

How do you wash your hands over the holiday? With Santatizer.

Why don’t you ever see Santa in a hospital? Because he has private elf care.

Why is Santa afraid of getting stuck in a chimney? He has Claus-trophobia.

Why does Santa have three gardens? So he can ho ho ho.

What does Santa do when his elves misbehave? He gives them the sack.

What do you call a kid who doesn’t believe in Santa? A rebel without a Claus.

What nationality is Santa Claus? North Polish.

How can you tell that Santa is real? You can always sense his presents.

Why will Santa go down your chimney on Christmas Eve? Because it soots him.

If Santa and Mrs. Claus had a baby, what would he be? A subordinate Claus.

What does Santa spend his hard-earned salary on? Jingle bills.

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Short story:

The Ghost of Christmas Past was visiting “Bud” Miller.  Bud had started with the company Christmas party last weekend with a lot of “celebrating” and eating.  During the week before Christmas, Bud had Christmas punch all week - with (the real) Egg Nog; spiced wine; Poinsettia Punch, Peppermint White Russians.  Then on Christmas Day, he spent the day watching football bowl games with Johnny Walker, Jim Beam, and Jack Daniel.  

Now, on December 26, the Ghost (or Spirit) of Christmas Past was visiting Bud, and Bud’s brain was reeling.  It was so bad, that Bud spent some time “praying” to the porcelain god in his bathroom.

For his New Year’s resolutions, he was planning on getting new friends!!!  

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I’m writing this a few days before Christmas.  I hope it was Merry and Bright!!!

But, seriously, Christmas is LOVE - wrapped up as a baby in a manger, or as a hug from a grandchild, or as an all-consuming joy and aura that surrounds you.  

May Christmas - and LOVE be with you all year round!!

LOVE WINS!!

Karen