MY VALUE WALL

 MY VALUE WALL - THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 19, 2020

Maybe just a little off-topic, but maybe not.

Humans can be fragile.  We can be ‘up’ and we can be ‘down’.  I live by a motto from Ralph Waldo Emerson, American Essayist “Nothing Great was Ever Achieved Without Enthusiasm”.  I AM ENTHUSIASTIC.  

[Aside - I have ELAN - which the dictionary says is a noun: “energy, style, and enthusiasm.”.  I’m not sure how I found that word.  I don’t think I’ve ever heard it in a sentence - but I like the concept of <energy> <style>, and <enthusiasm>!!!!!  And, I don’t know many people who use exclamation marks to the same extent that I do!!!!]

But, for me, those ‘down’ days can be really debilitating.  I expect myself to be ‘up’ and one tiny, little thing can puncture my balloon.  

So, for me, I have had a ‘value’ wall for some time.  

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At Quinnipiac University, my value ‘wall’ was more than a wall.  I had my Outstanding Teaching award on the top of my file cabinet.  I had my AITP Educator of the Year on my wall.  I had certificates for “Outstanding Paper” at ISECON on my wall.  I had notes from students - thanking me for being their teacher.  I had pictures of friends and other relevant items on the wall.  

When I had one of those rare down days, as I sat at my desk and looked up, I saw these reminders of achievement, and those ‘blues’ generally dissipated.   My “James Marshall” Outstanding Service Award was on the wall.  The award from the Student Association for “Outstanding Professor of the Year” (thanks Ben and Louis) - just the thought of that award brings happy tears to me.  

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Now, I have a poster board display where it is the first thing I see when I wake up in the morning.  I have maybe 30 Post-It notes - many with Scriptures on them “In Everything Give Thanks”; “What does God expect of You - but to love justice, show mercy and walk humbly with God”, “There is now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus”; God is Good”, “Be Transformed”; “Ask and you shall receive”, “All things work together for Good”; “Create in my a clean heart and renew a right spirit within in me”; “As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord”; “He will give you the Desires of your heart”; “A dream fulfilled is a Tree of Life”; “Wait on the Lord, he will strengthen you”; “I am the Resurrection and the Life”; and “God is Awesome”.

There are some personal ones “I am a Unicorn - unique and special”; “I am Karen - a woman”; “She will go all the way”; and some dates “August 31, 2020”; and “Winter 2021”.  

After my major surgery in July 2017, I went into a depression.  I felt I had little or no value.  I wasn’t teaching anymore.  That was past.  I wasn’t serving on any boards.  I wasn’t presenting papers.  I wasn’t dealing with students, colleagues, and friends.  And, I didn’t have my “value wall”.  

When I totally failed and went to the mental health facility for four days in October 2019, I felt I didn’t have value.  I was a failure.  But, deep inside, I knew that God had (and has) a plan for me - that helped me come back.

In my office area, I have a picture of five awesome grandchildren - and I KNOW that we will be reconciled someday.  

I also have a picture in my kitchen area to keep me motivated!!!

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Fine- you may say.  “Okay, you were once a big deal” (not really, but at least a ‘small deal’).  How can I change and be relevant - by ENCOURAGING OTHERS, by WRITING these blogs!!  I hope my readers say “I can be upbeat and positive” after reading this and other posts.  

My friends - what would you put on your wall of value?  Pictures of your Corvette?  Thank you notes for serving as a Scoutmaster? Notes for being involved in Marriage Prep?  You and your tuba (or instrument)? Pictures of your children, grandchildren?  Wedding pictures?  

For me, I don’t ever want to go back to the depression; I don’t ever want to go back to a mental facility; I don’t want to allow myself to think I have no value - and I don’t want any of you to think you have no value - BECAUSE ALL OF US HAVE VALUE!!!!  ALL - 100% of us have value!!!  

I am reminded of a space movie with Tim Allen - Galaxy Quest where the crew has a slogan “Never give up, never give in”.  

To my readers today - NEVER GIVE UP - NEVER GIVE IN!!!  (And, for me, to keep that in front of me, I can peruse my ‘value wall’ and know that I do have value!!!)

LOVE WINS!!

HUGS!!

Karen